so today im feeling a lot more positive, ive decided im going to wait for things to happen naturally to put things clearer ive had a really good day and have seen a brighter side to life and can now think clearly to what i want for my body/beanie. was thinking how i coped through my first 2 MCs and what id want this time...the first time i wrote a letter to my baby and sent it to heaven attached to a ballon and had a tattoo done on my wrist of a heart with ribons (something i could look and remember baby by without having people asing what i had it done for like they would with a date). the second time was all a bit heptic and i didnt really do anything to say good bye although i did write a letter in a journal. this time ive decided to draw up a tattoo of three small angel to be put on my shoulder, something which can be added to if needed (not thinking negatively here but im all to aware of my possibility of MC in the future and dont really want to be covered in tattoos as i already have 7) anyway untill then i wanted to write beanie a letter, something that will allow me to express myself and give me peace of mind for my beanie please feel free to write to your beanie/s here or share what you have done to say farewell for now My beanie, from the moment i planned for you i fell in love with you, the moment i concieved you i wished for you, the moment i found out i was carrying you i protected you, i carried you and dreamt a lifetimes worth of dreams for you. i hoped and i prayed that youd grow and be safe and i begged the lord to let me meet you one day. the day i found out god wanted you back i cried for you, i put my hands on my tummy and i whispered i love you. i was also angry god decided to take you and devasted that id never meet you. but today i realised god knew you where special, to speacial for earth, he didnt take you away from me, he held your hand and walked you up to heaven so you could grow and be safe, he decided to carry you and let you look down on me and now you can see how much you mean to me whilst you wait with your siblins till we meet. untill then we'll always think of each other until i can hold you again.