Something I can't seem to get past

[madtowngirl]

Hi ladies! I am a bit of a newbie to this forum, although I have been stalking it for a while.

It has now officially been a year since I went off of birth control. I conceived quite quickly after going off of the pill, but it ended in a miscarriage, which must have started in late January, and was confirmed on Valentine's Day of 2013. I didn't even know I was pregnant, until I went into the doctor because I had been bleeding for 2.5 weeks. I actually had a triage nurse tell me at 2 weeks of bleeding that "I just didn't know what a normal period was."

Anyway, I'm getting off track. Fast forward to today, and I've not had a sniff of a bfp since then. Lots of false pregnancy symptoms, but no actual pregnancies. I didn't start getting positive opks until July, and I did have a blood test done in August to confirm my progesterone levels, to make sure I really am ovulating, and I am. The doctors won't do any further testing until January, because apparently the "year of no pregnancies before you're considered infertile" resets when get pregnant, even if it ends in miscarriage. I'm angry about it because my gut tells me something is wrong, but doctors don't seem to like to acknowledge that I know my body better than they do (I've had this issue with other medical problems, also).

What I am starting to freak out about, and seem to be unable to get past, is my age. I'm 31. Now, before anyone gets upset at me, I know I'm younger than many ladies on this board, and I know compared to many of you, my year of ttc is a drop in the bucket. I think it is wonderful that women are able to make the choice to have babies later in life that we used to, whether that be because we met our OHs later in life, or because we simply weren't ready. I have older friends and family who have gotten pregnant easily and had easy pregnancies, quick deliveries, and healthy babies. I see these stories about women having their first at 40, and going on to have more, and it makes me feel better...but only for a few minutes. In no time at all, I find myself back to freaking out about my age and how I'm running out of time.

I don't understand why I can't get past this. I really need to, because it is just stressing me out more and more, and probably hindering my chances of a bfp. And realistically, it is such a silly fear to have, because women have been having babies until menopause for as long as humans have been living that long. I just found out that one of my coworkers has a 31 year old, and a 2 year old! That means even if she had her first at 13 (which, I'm certain she didn't, I think she's in her early 50's), she was still in her 40s when she had her youngest. My reaction to that was, "you go girl!" Why isn't that enough to settle my own anxiety?

Does anyone else have hangups about their age and lttc? How are you dealing with it?

 

[Emmi]

Hi ladies! I am a bit of a newbie to this forum, although I have been stalking it for a while.

It has now officially been a year since I went off of birth control. I conceived quite quickly after going off of the pill, but it ended in a miscarriage, which must have started in late January, and was confirmed on Valentine's Day of 2013. I didn't even know I was pregnant, until I went into the doctor because I had been bleeding for 2.5 weeks. I actually had a triage nurse tell me at 2 weeks of bleeding that "I just didn't know what a normal period was."

Anyway, I'm getting off track. Fast forward to today, and I've not had a sniff of a bfp since then. Lots of false pregnancy symptoms, but no actual pregnancies. I didn't start getting positive opks until July, and I did have a blood test done in August to confirm my progesterone levels, to make sure I really am ovulating, and I am. The doctors won't do any further testing until January, because apparently the "year of no pregnancies before you're considered infertile" resets when get pregnant, even if it ends in miscarriage. I'm angry about it because my gut tells me something is wrong, but doctors don't seem to like to acknowledge that I know my body better than they do (I've had this issue with other medical problems, also).

What I am starting to freak out about, and seem to be unable to get past, is my age. I'm 31. Now, before anyone gets upset at me, I know I'm younger than many ladies on this board, and I know compared to many of you, my year of ttc is a drop in the bucket. I think it is wonderful that women are able to make the choice to have babies later in life that we used to, whether that be because we met our OHs later in life, or because we simply weren't ready. I have older friends and family who have gotten pregnant easily and had easy pregnancies, quick deliveries, and healthy babies. I see these stories about women having their first at 40, and going on to have more, and it makes me feel better...but only for a few minutes. In no time at all, I find myself back to freaking out about my age and how I'm running out of time.

I don't understand why I can't get past this. I really need to, because it is just stressing me out more and more, and probably hindering my chances of a bfp. And realistically, it is such a silly fear to have, because women have been having babies until menopause for as long as humans have been living that long. I just found out that one of my coworkers has a 31 year old, and a 2 year old! That means even if she had her first at 13 (which, I'm certain she didn't, I think she's in her early 50's), she was still in her 40s when she had her youngest. My reaction to that was, "you go girl!" Why isn't that enough to settle my own anxiety?

Does anyone else have hangups about their age and lttc? How are you dealing with it?

I think it's all about expectation and you envisaged your life - you kinda think by a certain age, the baby will have come and all is going well with the world....but then you suddenly realise that the years are flying by and all of a sudden you are in panic mode. It's easy think isn't great that things are happening to other women regardless of age but that doesn't make it any easier with our own fears...
And with the need to wait for testing - every second counts which just adds to the pressure. January really isn't that far away so just hang on for a little while longer

Really sorry about your miscarriage but it does tell you that you can get pregnant. The docs just need to find out more about your body...Hang on in there.

 

[hopster]

I absolutely know how you feel. Since I was 30, I have been stressed about being able to conceive due to the stats and fertility decline after 30 (I am now 35, almost 36 and have no baby) I met my DH at 31, married at 33, and have been ttc ever since.

Emmi is right, the struggle with fertility is not in our life plans and throws everything into a pause. We cannot move forward with the life we want until we get pregnant and are able to carry it until that baby is screaming.

My biggest hang up about my age is that I do not want to be an old mom (I already know I will be) and I want my kids to get to know their grandparents like I knew mine (which will never happen because of my parents age and they will probably die when my child is very young) I also fear that if I am only able to have 1 child, that he or she will be lonely because DH and I will be old and dead early in his/her life (all of the cousins are much older and they will likely not have anything to do with my child)

I guess I am not helping, but this is not how I envisioned my life and I just want to scream. This ttc journey has involved many negatives (7 months of drugs/IUI's, & an ectopic, not to mention the enormous stress on my marriage) and has landed me in a depression that I have never felt before. I now take anti-d's, go to counselling, and acupuncture. My biggest hang up about not having a family of my own is that this is the one thing in life that I have always wanted and just cannot seem to find a purpose in my life right now (even though I am successful at work, have no financial worries, good family)

Are you able to self-refer yourself to a fertility clinic? In the meantime, you should try acupuncture; it is really relaxing. Go to one that specializes in fertility. I was a complete non-believer in it before, but I really like it. I guess I don't have any advice on how to deal with your hang up on your age, but taking positive action (like acupuncture) may make you feel like you have a little more control over the situation and de-stress at the same time.

Best of luck to you madtowngirl

 

[madtowngirl]

Oh you are helping! It really helps immensely to not feel like I'm totally alone in this.

I *can* self-refer to a fertility clinic, but my insurance will not pay much at all for fertility treatments, so I'd prefer to wait until my doctor gives me a full-on referral before going that route. I also think my particular OB/GYN may do some fertility treatments, which my insurance would pay for in part.

It sucks, but when I look at this pragmatically, my best bet really is to wait until January for the doctors to start doing some actual testing. I hate the wait, though.

 

[mmdrago]

I feel ya.. I went through 3 early m/c and the docs wouldn't do any blood tests at the time. I think I was 29 then. Fast forward and I'm 32 and it's been 2+ years since the m/c without a hint of a BFP. Just finished my 2nd IUI and about to start IVF if this one fails

 

[Emmi]

I absolutely know how you feel. Since I was 30, I have been stressed about being able to conceive due to the stats and fertility decline after 30 (I am now 35, almost 36 and have no baby) I met my DH at 31, married at 33, and have been ttc ever since.

Emmi is right, the struggle with fertility is not in our life plans and throws everything into a pause. We cannot move forward with the life we want until we get pregnant and are able to carry it until that baby is screaming.

My biggest hang up about my age is that I do not want to be an old mom (I already know I will be) and I want my kids to get to know their grandparents like I knew mine (which will never happen because of my parents age and they will probably die when my child is very young) I also fear that if I am only able to have 1 child, that he or she will be lonely because DH and I will be old and dead early in his/her life (all of the cousins are much older and they will likely not have anything to do with my child)

I guess I am not helping, but this is not how I envisioned my life and I just want to scream. This ttc journey has involved many negatives (7 months of drugs/IUI's, & an ectopic, not to mention the enormous stress on my marriage) and has landed me in a depression that I have never felt before. I now take anti-d's, go to counselling, and acupuncture. My biggest hang up about not having a family of my own is that this is the one thing in life that I have always wanted and just cannot seem to find a purpose in my life right now (even though I am successful at work, have no financial worries, good family)

Are you able to self-refer yourself to a fertility clinic? In the meantime, you should try acupuncture; it is really relaxing. Go to one that specializes in fertility. I was a complete non-believer in it before, but I really like it. I guess I don't have any advice on how to deal with your hang up on your age, but taking positive action (like acupuncture) may make you feel like you have a little more control over the situation and de-stress at the same time.

Best of luck to you madtowngirl

Sending you a hug Honey I agree with the having no purpose in life - no matter what people tell me what I do have - I focus on what I don't have, a little baba.

As for age - it's about changing the goal posts and attempting to adapt - somehow! I met Mr Right at 40 so only started trying to conceive at 41.......Yep, I never thought that I would get married so late and try have children so late. But I won't give up and regardless of how depressed I can sometimes feel - I am the eternal optimist and believe that it will happen.....Just need to wait a tiny bit more.

xxx

 

[2have4kids]

I think you're listening to your gut instincts. Mine kicked in at ttc after 6 months. I KNEW something was wrong. When I went to the doctor I lied and told her I'd been ttc for a year because I knew it could take between 3-6 months after referral to get into the FC. Fast forward 2 years, we did all the tests, 3 rounds chlomid, 2 rounds iui and had 2 failed ivf's. The major advantage you have is that you're open to tests and medical intervention. There are SO many people on here who have infertility diagnosis who refuse to try iui, chlomid or IVF. My gf who's into Chinese medicine and natural remedies said to me can't you just tell your doctors you taking the chlomid and not. I'm like are you kidding? I want to get pregnant! Not that I haven't tried a naturopath doctor and Chinese medicine and acupuncture too. It's just that successful people are open minded. In the end I thing iui is the best efforts for male factor and IVF for female factor. And we can run into serious infertility issues at ANY age so really, you're not over the top with being concerned IMO. Quite rightfully so. I wish you a speedy success no matter what you need to do to have your wee sprog.

 

[ProfWife]

In the same boat with you, dear. I'm 31 (32 in May). We opted not to try until October 2012 - almost our 5th anniversary. Now I may have had a chemical back in March, but it was unconfirmed. I only had a VERY faint line to indicate anything might have happened.

Since I was diagnosed PCOS, they let us start doing testing at 6 months. I've had the HSG (twice), an SIS, and all the bloodwork done. Nothing indicated an issue except potentially low progesterone. However, my doc won't even look at prescribing progesterone supplements until I'm confirmed pregnant.

They're offering clomid and monitored cycles, but as a teacher, it's very hard to get time off to go in for properly scheduled ultrasounds. I don't want to discuss these personal issues with my male boss.

So, we're in month 13 right now. I never thought this would be my life and I'm worried, like you, about the age issue. I'm more worried because my oldest sister went into early menopause in her late 30s. As a matter of fact, in my immediate family only one person has had a child in their 30s - My mom. And it was me. All my nieces and nephews will be, at the least, seniors and hs graduates by the time ours makes an appearance. My oldest nephew graduates university in December. So, our kids - if we have any - will not have playmates on this side of the family.

We'll make it through this though. There's an end for us all that will work out for good - even if we don't see it now.