Sometimes it feels like it's never going to happen...

[seoj]

I am very blessed with an amazing hubby and step-daughter (who we have full time)...

But this journey to becoming a mom has been, well, discombobulating at times. lol. I fully enjoy being a mother to my kid- we grow closer every day- but at the same time I'm reminded of all earlier years I missed and how much I want to experience that...

After a year of trying, 2 reversals (did I say my hubby was amazing?!), wondering, waiting and hoping... some days... it just feels like it's never going to happen...

So I'm putting this out there... in hopes the baby ju ju comes my way... and the way of any other woman feeling like it's her time...

 

[kit_cat]

Hey seoj!

I'm with you! I come from a slightly different angle in that I just suffered a mc and at almost 36, I'm worried I've left it too late.

I'm sure your little girl is absolutely fabulous but your want and need to have a baby is none the less real. It will happen!!

I know what will be, will be, and so we just need to keep hoping that there's a sticky bean just around the corner waiting for the right time to happen. This thought (and the wonderful, supportive ladies on here) keeps me going.
Best of luck and loads of babydust to you

 

[seoj]

I'm with you! I come from a slightly different angle in that I just suffered a mc and at almost 36, I'm worried I've left it too late.

It's NEVER too late... well, ok maybe there is a time in a woman's life it's too late... lol... but I'm 36 also, and I feel now is when I'm the most ready for this new journey in life... which is probably why I can be so impatient! lol.

I'm sorry it's been a rough road-- but keep the faith. I appreciate your words of encouragement as well. It's great on this forum to hear other stories and get such great support. It helps knowing I'm not alone...

Wishing you all the best!!!!

 

[poppy666]

Its not too late for both of you i just had my youngest LO 6mths ago after a 17yr gap at the age of 40 so loads of fx

 

[FBbaby]

I certainly feel like it's never going to happen too. My OH and I have been ttc for 18 months. I fell pregnant first cycle, totally oblivious to the heartache that would follow. I miscarried the month after and since then, it has been the same every single month. We've had some investigations done and found out that my OH swimmers were not supersonic, but should still do what they should, and same with me, about to turn 40, I am not most fertile, but nothing that could prevent it happening. Each month is the same, i manage to get some pma at the start of the cycle, then stress about bding at the right time (OH and I still leaving apart, although that will finally end in two months time), I feel great right afterwards thinking that it could happen, and by 5dpo, I am already persuaded that it is over. That's because I am sure I felt implantation at 4dpo when I fell pregnant. Then at 9dpo, my nipples started really hurting, so by 10dpo when after poking and all I just have to accept that it is not the same, I know I am out. Of course all pregnancies are different, but so far, I have been proven right every single month. I then have to wait another week before AF shows up for the pressure to get released and get a bit of pma back. After so many months I just can't imagine one being different.

Thursday, I found out my ex and his girlfriend were expecting, neither financially support the children they already have (2 on each side), my ex is totally unhealthy, but hey, nature doesn't pick fairly!!!

Still, however enraged I feel with it all, I am not giving up, we know it is possible, so I will keep going and maybe, just maybe, one month will indeed be different...
Good luck to you three

 

[Janie66]

Oh how I relate to how everyones feeling here, I also feel like it wont happen, and my times is running out so fast.... You know, I have had mates who seem to just fall preganant so easily, I know i do have two beautiful daughters from my first marriage, the eldest being 19 now and youngest being 13, so I do know I am belssed to have them, I have endured the heartbreak with the losses of misscarraiges to get them too... I never forget my losses. But I want and need to have a baby with my husband now, I knwo that sounds so selfish etc, maybe i am, but it will just be the final piece of puzzle I am now looking for, which I didnt realise I needed and wanted until 3 years ago, I spend all that bloody time trying to not get pregnant, now Im here trying, and it breaks my heart everyday I am not..............I relate FBbay to what you wrote about your ex, My ex went off with another women, his now partner, they have gone on to have 2 more children together, she already had 3 other children all by other dads, so has 5 children all together, and my ex doesnt pay a penny towards my daughters, and wont still, pleads poverty,I would say he or she are not very fit, hes put on loads of weight, hes huge ish, least 25 stone upwards now....she smokes like a trooper,even smoked during her pregnnacys!! and drinks like a fish social, eats crap etc yet she had a baby 5 years ago, shes nearly1 year older than me!!!....yep, life isnt fair...I dont get it tbh... Im feeeling very low right now, due to finding out my 21 day progesterone test came back a Big fat low 4.0 low , was told this means i didnt ovulate.....so now worried, waiting for FSH and LH tests to come back, Im pettriefied they will show the worst outcome, ie: maybe I have gone threw menopause without me knowing, yet my periods are fine etc.....

 

[FBbaby]

janie66, our situations are so similar. My ex doesn't pay much for our children, it always comes last if he has some money left when it should be his priority. His view is that I am doing well so I should be grateful. The fact that I have never stopped working (went back a few months after giving birth) full-time whilst looking after our children, strived to progress, feeling utterly shattered most of the time, whilst his girlfriend has never worked in her life, just collected benefits, whilst he goes from one job to another, well, that's irrelevant. He is now out of work and they are creating another child that most likely will be financially supported by the like of us hard working people, grrrrrr....

I so relate to what you say about wanting a child with your husband. I too am genuinely grateful for having already two perfect children, but I so wish I could give my partner the chance to become a dad too and share this experience with him. With my ex, I felt like a single mum from the start, whereas I know my new partner would embrace his role with all his soul. I so wanted to be the one giving my children the sibling they have been begging me to give them since I've met my new partner, instead, it will be their step-mum and dad who will. I am happy for them, I know they are excited, but I can't help feeling that sense of injustice, even though I know I have to right to because I am already amazingly fortunate.

About your progesterone test, do you know when you ovulated? Because it really should be done 7 days after ovulation (or actually 7 days before AF is due to arrive, assuming you know when that is likely to be), so 21 days is only based on the assumption you ovulate at cd14 (stupid assumption!). FSH and LH should be done at cd3-4, otherwise, the result doesn't mean anything. Also, it does happen that you might not ovulate one month, yet everything is still perfectly normal.

If you don't ovulate, there are way to remediate this, clomid being the main one. It is easier to fix women's problems overall than men's. Don't stop fighting, it is worth it if only to be able to look back and feel ok that you've tried all you could.

 

[Minno]

Hiladies, just wanted to say I feel the same. Like you FBbaby I think I know from about 5 dpo that its just not gonna happen each cycle - and so far proved right. We have been ttc no 2 for 22 months. I'm 40 (41 next week) and DH is 42 - all tests are good. Ov on time, Af regular etc - but nothing is happening. From 5 dpo I get all the usual pms signs - spots, peeing a lot more than usual, grumpy, headaches - in fact I can just about set my clock by them all. I'm on 7dpo today and yep, all the usual signs are there. When I had my first I don't think I had any signs at all but then it was 8 years ago and I can't really remember. Also I wasn't looking for signs the way I do now.
Each month I try to pick myself up and get a little hopeful but by 5dpo its all over again and a downward spiral until AF - which is so hard cos you still have to wait 10 days til she arrives (
I'm right there with you!
xxx

 

[seoj]

Here's to feeling hopeful and positive this cycle and not letting any negativity weigh on me!!!!

A new day and a new outlook... the power of the mind and all that

 

[FutureMommie]

I know how you all feel, I'm 37 and ttc our 1st for 3 years, but I'm with you Seoj, only positive thoughts, it going to happen for us.

 

[Omi]

I can relate to the negative thoughts trying to creep in but i think its imperative that one tries to block them. Don't get me wrong, i too sometimes worry that im doomed to being childless, that it is somehow my fate, but that is just fatalist talk and i refuse to believe it!

In fact, i really do think that a) i have no other avenue open to me so no option but to battle on b) the more you try the likelier you are to succeed. After all, many, many women do, so why shouldn't i - even with 2 mc's and 40 year old eggs, lol!

Never give up ladies, miracles do happen but we have to keep trying to have the chance and one day, just one day you will be proven lucky!!

All the best, Omi xxx

 

[Nvr2Late]

Boy can I relate. I have been struggling very much lately with feelings of despair and that this will never happen, that the possibility of getting pregnant is all in my head. I'm 41, been trying for 2.5 years, and my time is almost out. I don't know if I can live without a child and be truly happy -- that scares me the most. I want to be a mom SO bad.

Hubby and I have scheduled IVF for November, but I'm worried we won't even get to do the procedure. We tried last March and I was a "poor responder" to the drugs.

It's so frustrating to be successful in all areas of my life EXCEPT this. I get that maybe I need to learn a lesson (which is: there are things in life you can't control!) but I think I've absorbed that lesson, and I'd really like to move on now, please!

Sorry for the rant! Had to let it out!

 

[Minno]

Hey Nvr2late - I feel for you, I do. I am month 22 and also 41 (DH is 42). Also feel like I've been relatively successful in life in many ways, and I am lucky to have a wonderful little boy already, but I still yearn for another one. Some days I wish I'd tried a lot earlier for no 2 but I was training and we couldn't have afforded it. I find myself a little jealous of everyone else who seem to be getting BFPs all around me!
Good luck with IVF next month - I really hope it happens for you this time xxx

 

[serendippy]

I occasionally feel like this, normally when AF shows up but on the whole i do manage to stay positive and think 'yes ill be a mum one day'
Nothing worth having comes easy...just keep soldering on and our dream will happen

xxxx

 

[Nat0619]

How come it comes so damn easy to some people though?? Like most of my friends!!

I just wanted to come in on this thread ladies because I feel exactly like all of you do. I am 36 and ttc our first. I am worried I am going to live to regret not trying for children with my ex-husband when I was younger. Was with him a total of 15 years, married for nearly 5, but we never got round to trying for children for financial reasons. But I am now with a way better man and obviously I know it is better my ex and I never had children. I just don't want to live to regret that as its not fair on my current OH. He was also married before but had to accept no children as his ex-wife didn't want any.

So now we are two people who have found each other and are both ready to welcome a child into a loving, happy relationship x

 

[Nvr2Late]

How come it comes so damn easy to some people though?? Like most of my friends!!

I just wanted to come in on this thread ladies because I feel exactly like all of you do. I am 36 and ttc our first. I am worried I am going to live to regret not trying for children with my ex-husband when I was younger. Was with him a total of 15 years, married for nearly 5, but we never got round to trying for children for financial reasons. But I am now with a way better man and obviously I know it is better my ex and I never had children. I just don't want to live to regret that as its not fair on my current OH. He was also married before but had to accept no children as his ex-wife didn't want any.

So now we are two people who have found each other and are both ready to welcome a child into a loving, happy relationship x

Nat, we sound so alike! I didn't force the issue with my ex husband (who I was with for 10 years), and now that I am with a great man, we can't get pregnant! (catch 22 is I wouldn't have met my great hubby had I had kids with my ex, because I would have delayed leaving him or not left at all!)

Life is so weird!