Soon it would have been Liam's 21st

[CurlySue]

Hey sweetie I know im a few days late in getting here but for some reason I was drawn to your post, perhaps because I too have lost a brother....

Step brother or not he was with you from 12 months old and spent 10 years with you and in my eyes that makes him family through and through....

I remember when Michael died, he was 23, he had a heart attack after playing a game of rugby, my whole world came crashing down that day in 1988! It was 20 years ago this October, but at times it still feels like yesterday! I was 16 at the time....

I dont think a single day has gone past in the last 20 years when I havent thought about my big brother, he would be 43 now! Its weird how dates go by and you realise that they are such big milestones, what was weird for me is when I turned 23, the age Michael was when he died, I was so scared, stupid eh?

For the record your NOT a "sap" sweetheart, everything you feel is normal, whether it be within the first few weeks/months of their physical body leaving us or 30 years later! What I found hard was friends, close friends crossing the street when it first happened, because they didnt know what to say to me, that was hard! All I wanted was for someone to listen to me, as a woman I just wanted to talk, talk and talk some more (men dont do this lol) we analyse everything, which is why less women suffer with depression cos we look at these situations from every angle, men just brush it under the carpet and hope it will all go away! But friends found it hard to talk to me, I didnt want to talk to my mum and dad as I knew they were trying to hold it together for me and my other brother.

The fact that it was 11 years ago that you lost Liam means nothing hun, it could be 51 years ago, your loss is still just as painful as the day it happened! Yes time is a great healer, but you know doubt still find yourself sat there crying over him, other times laughing at the things he use to get up to!

Remember he is ALWAYS with you in your heart, mind and soul.. He will be working on the otherside, no doubt guiding someone on there way, maybe he is even your spirit guide! But if not, he still remains with you and your family every step of the way!

PM if you ever wanna chat about Liam hun, im always there if you need a chat! From one woman who has lost a brother to another

Ah love, that made me want to cry but want to smile, too, because it’s hard to understand, sometimes, why we feel so bad when it’s been so long. It’s just special birthdays that get me. 18. 21. He never became a man. There’s a picture of him on my mum’s fireplace, last picture we have of him. His school photo, taken a month before he died. He has two ‘big teeth’ at the front, still growing. He would have needed braces if he’d lived. It’s little things like that.

He had white blonde hair but it was starting to go a little darker. He would always be blonde but, maybe not white.

It’s weird but, there is a footballer called Eidur Gudjohnsen. Every time I look at him I think of Liam because he is exactly what Liam would have looked like when he grew up. My dad feels the same. Looks at him and says, he really looks like him. And, I know he’s thinking the same – what would Liam have looked like? Would he have been big, like that? Would he have stayed sporty or, would he have settled down?

Liam was on all of his school’s football teams. He wanted to play for Arsenal. Nobody ever knew why because he did not come from London.

My dad rarely talks about him. If there is a photograph with him on it we have to warn him. We have to tell him “Liam is on it” and ask if he’d still like to see. Even now, it’s like walking on eggshells.

I am sorry about your brother. It seems a common thing to happen. I watch a lot of sport and, so often, these young people die after leaving the field. It happened once last year, a Spanish boy, 22 years old, his wife was pregnant with their first child. Eight months. The baby was born four or five weeks after his father’s death.

We always remember the tragedy, the beautiful people that die too soon…

And, no, it’s not stupid, because the day my sister turned 10 I thought of Liam. He’d been dead six years then but she always looked so much like him. When she turned 11 it was like a sigh of relief. That she’d made it past his milestone!

I am sorry we had to go through this and, if you want to talk you are welcome to PM me too. Thank you for sharing.

 

[Elli21]

Thinking of u

 

[butterflies]

I realise this is nothing to do with a miscarriage, nothing of the sort, but it is a loss, and I do feel like I lost a 'baby' once...

You see...when my little brother was 10 years old he, and two other little boys, were hit by a car crossing the road one Sunday afternoon. I was a teenager at the time and, because he was so much younger than me I always saw him as my 'baby' - held his hand when he was a year old and crossing the street, picked him up when he was two, loved him when he was three...and buried him when he was ten.

I recall the day perfectly. Flashbulb memory. I was in Manchester shopping with a friend. Had been gone all day. It was Christmas Tree Day. November 30th. My mum had the bare bones up, but not the decoration. I had been out all day and, when I got home my mum said "Liam's been hit by a car. Silly sod."

We didn't know how serious it was.

Liam was only my stepbrother...but, he had been with me since he was 12 months old...his dad was with him. So was his brother. My brother.

When the phone call came to say that he had broken his neck my mum went to the hospital to be with his dad, and I was left alone.

I found out he had died by teletext. And, it killed me. I had shouted at him that morning for stealing a toy from our sister. The last words I ever said to him were "You are a nasty little boy sometimes!"

When the car hit them one boy died immediately. Broken neck. Broken back. Another boy broke an ankle. Like I said, Liam had a broken neck too, a dislocated jaw. I still remember seeing him in his coffin two days later and his eye was open and his mouth could not close.

Other than that he still looked like himself...a little blonde boy with blue eyes and a beautiful face...

Devil with an angel's face who stabbed me with a fork when he was three and a half; would shake me awake when he was five.

We never decorated a tree that year. We barely celebrated Christmas...

Today would have been Liam's 21st birthday. And I feel like utter shit.

I don't even know what to say. Or do.

I don't even know what to think.

I'm sorry for even writing this now. Here. I am sorry for all of you who are suffering losses. But, this is my loss. And it hurts just as bad.

What hurts most? Is that I only remembered about three hours ago.

I didn't know what date it was...

Thinking of you hun, i know how it feels to loose a brother, and i know how raw and numb that pain can be no matter how many years pass xxx

 

[ashrxxx]

honey, i was so sad to read your story, you sound like the best big sister he could of asked for....

I am sure he will be having a huge party for his 21st up in the sky, and will come and pinch your arm and tell you to smile and that he is watching over you where ever you are in life...
All my love Ash xxxx