soooo i got a reply from fob.

[JoJo16]

basically for those who dont know me and fob been going through solicitors the last letter i sent to him said he could come twice a week for half an hour to see alice, he should sign up to a parenting course, im not putting him on bc or entering a parental responsibility order, i will accept his £30 a week CM.

his letter back said...

parenting courses are £800 and he spoke to somebody from social services who said he didnt need too so he doesnt want to go to them. he wants to see alice for an hour in the week, at a time that isnt convieniant for me but my time wasnt convieniant for him. he also wants me to take alice to his house for 2 hours on a saturday and i can stay for the first few times but not in the same room. he said he comes from a big family and has babysat babies in the past (which i no for a fact he hasnt thats just bullshit) he didnt even no how to hold alice never mind change her or anything, which is why i would feel better if he went to some parenting course. he said he wont pay cash and wants my bank details. he then said that i should be more sensitive about the issue and not go around posting stuff on facebook. hes being so immature i put pictures of alice on fb i dont even mention anything about him or anything.
im so upset and annoyed iv just had enough of it all.
he also wants to go to mediation. i dont see the point because im not changing what iv said to him and he wont accept it so it will be pointless but then i am aware it will reflect badly on me if it hen goes to court.
i just need some advice from anybody who has been in a similar situation. what happens at mediation and then if it goes to court how long will it take and what access will he get?
i have so many questions to ask but my head is all over the place atm and i cant think what i wana say xxx

 

[PinkyLou]

I'm not a single parent but a very good friend of mine is. Do you have any contact centres nearby? My friend drops her son off at 2 pm, it's ran in the local church. She then goes out and the helpers take her son into a hall full of toys, snacks etc, to see daddy. It is supervised and the helpers will do things such as change nappies and stuff if need be. She then picks her son up at 5pm. Her and her ex never see each other as he is made to turn up 15 mins before her and leave 15 mins after her. Plus it has people supervising and you wouldn't need to be in his house, I'm not sure on prices but I think she gets it free as she is on IS.

Sorry I have no help with anything else but it might be an idea to investigate contact centres if everything is being made difficult for you xx

 

[Laura2919]

Me and the twins dad argue constantly about facebook. He said I am a nasty bitch who spends her life pointlessly updating her facebook status and he wasnt interested in anything I write.. The next day he added me as a friend after I deleted him for saying it.

I think what you have said is right, He should be trying to see his daughter not telling you both times are not ok for him!
Im telling you some men dont know how lucky they are!! Most men dont see their kids twice a week like yours or mine.. the ex has Chloe and Jaycee 2 days a week for 4hrs if its a weekday and 8hrs if its a weekend.. They have nursery and on the weekends i like to take them out so he puts me out but one day Chloe and Jaycee will see I did all I could for them to see their dad and that is one thing I can hold my head up and say!

I hope you get it sorted soon hun

 

[tinkabells]

Sorry my sit is completely different but as others have said, see if you have a contact centre near you, if he wnats your bank details that fine, but have you thought about getting a bank account for alice, so the money goes straight in to her account instead?

Ha and if you wanna update on your fb so be it, its got nothing to do with him i would personally block and delete him so that he wouldnt see any of your pictures etc and maybe if you have his friends and family on there and you wanna keep them on there to keep an eye on things, then i would put them on limited profile, so they will only see what you let them see xxx

 

[JoJo16]

he would argue about going to a contact centre aswell he wont be happy unless he has alice at his house and the amount of ime he wants. which obviously im not happy with. hes so controlling and will just go agaisnt everything i say untill he can get what he wants. i dont even have him on my fb or any of his family so i dont even no what hes talkin about tbh lol.
i thought if he was bothered enough he would take what he is given but no!
in his last letter he said if i didnt agree to a parental responsibility order or re register her birth (and i had to pay lol) then he would take me to court. he obviously jus said it to scare me because there was no mention of court this time. i dont mind him coming to the house to see her whilst she is young and then things can move forward but nothing is good enough for him. i think he just expects me to hand alice over and be like yea bring her back when you have had enough. i just really had enough of his stupid comments and being immature.

 

[MissEfendi]

Firstly, if he is not on the BC , he has NO rights. End of. He can make demands but until he goes to court, prove he is the father etc, he cannot make any demands at all.
AND if he does go to court, then unless you want him at your house to see Alice, a judge will rule that he HAS to see Alice at a supervised contact centre for a certain amount of time. As long as you are giving him access he cannot moan and the solicitor will tell him that he cannot go to court if you are giving him some access anyway. Furthermore because Alice is very young, he at best would get a few hours fortnightly at a supervised contact centre.
So if I was you tell him to either accept the agreement or take it to court. Let him go and pay and he will find out that PR does not mean he gets control or everything on his terms.
Because you are the mother and primary carer, you get the say over most things.

Gosh, another difficult father who wants the world and his wife!

 

[scottishgal89]

for a start- i do not have fob on facebook and mine is also private- thats asking for trouble. hes not ur friend, hes your ex!
i have no idea what to tell u to do but like u said mediation- if you refused to go maybe would reflect badly on you, maybe you could just go and say what you've said already. not change your mind then he'd need to take u to court.
i think your terms are reasonable to be honest- its better than nothing!
as for him taking lo for a few hours on a saturday and u not being there/ in the other room- would u really be comfortable with that? your baby girl is still only little- she needs to be with her mum!
i dont know your past situation or what u broke up or anything so its hard to give advice.

 

[scottishgal89]

whats your lawyer saying?

 

[scottishgal89]

to be honest it would kinda depend on if your trying to lengthen the process or if your happy to go straight to court?

sorry keep thinkin other things

 

[starbucks101]

give him your bank details, its is very unfair to make him pay cash, as that means you can screw him into the ground at a later point. can you offer him a 1hour visit once a week instead of 2 half hour ones? He might be a complete douche but you've got to be flexible too... You dont want him to have her at his house so offer an alternitive closer to what he wants but not far off what you want x x

 

[scottishgal89]

i cant see where u said that he paid you cash?
but defo get it into your bank account- he could screw u over with that and lie in court and they wont know the truth cause theres no evidence
just saw your second reply about fb too..sorry i was really tired when i replied last night
what is it with men threatening court? do u think it makes them feel tough?
jeez
and as for you re-registering birth and you paying that is honestly just laughable! if he wants to be on bc- he'll need to take u to court to get that.

is that a lawyer hes sending letters threw? they seem to not really have a clue

 

[JoJo16]

he hasnt paid any money atall it was my solicitor who suggested he paid cash.
when alice was born i said he could come twice a week for an hour and after he stopped arguing sayin he should see her more he eventually came. 3 times. he sat there for an hour not saying anything and it was really uncomfortable which is why my solicitors suggested he came for 2 half hour sessions which can be built up. he stopped seeing her because he told me he had debts so wouldnt give me any money and if i wanted anything id have to take him to court so i told him he can see her once everything is sorted. and then these letters came asking for much more. im not going to be happy with him having alice at his house with me not being there untill he has seen her more and knows what hes doing. do you think hes just asking for all of this knowing he wont get it but just seeing if i agree?

 

[MissEfendi]

If you do not want him on the BC, even he goes to court, he will not be on the BC unless you agree, instead he will get a PR order.

If he is not on your facebook, either mutual friends are feeding him lies or he has seriously issues with telling the truth!

As your baby is very young, he honestly would not get much control or rights over baby, a single mum with a new baby is viewed differently to a mum who lived with her partner and they broke up when baby was 1 years etc because in that case the baby already had a bond, but if you are single and baby is a young age, that is taken into consideration.

I agreed once a forthnight for one hour at our local library, he could not ask for more than that when I have a baby who sleeps all the time, feeds on demands, is teething, needs winding, has his jabs etc, babies just want to sleep, eat and be winded! When they are around 2 to 3, it is different.

 

[MissEfendi]

Jojo, regarding your last message. Yes. My ex did the same, made big threats to me, but fact is, when he is not on the BC, he has NO rights. Any search online will show that. For him to make demands he needs to first go and get his rights, this takes times and money, then you and he would needs to come to some agreement over access, if you dont agree it is meditiation, if you dont agree again it is court. So yes he is bluffing.

With a baby, they honestly dont do much but sleep and eat, and an hour is more than enough because baby is not really taking much notice of him, they are too busy growing, getting stronger and liking the comfort and smell of mummy who they are familiar with. I certainly would not be comfortable at all with my baby being away from me alone in someone else's home. Baby needs security and home comforts.

As for the cash, whether you are on benefits or not, you can be paid however you like, but if he wants security, he can request you sign an agreement that he pays you such amount every week etc so he can feel better.

 

[scottishgal89]

i think for your solicitor suggest he pays cash is a bit daft- do u see my point about having no proof of what hes paid?
as for him being on bc- if he takes you to court to be on bc a dna test will be done and it will get granted. it almost always is. but at the end of the day that doesnt give him 'equal' rights like men seem to think. my ex is on bc and hasnt seen lo in over a month cause i stopped his contact.
he is asking for way to much. you need to be firm with him and to the point.
if he takes you to court in a way hes shooting himself in the foot for not accepting any contact to be honest. my solicitor told me my ex's solicitor will be telling him to take any contact hes offered so a bit confused why hes still being so stubborn with u
who does he think he is?!

 

[JoJo16]

i think he has serious issues with telling the truth lol. i honestly don no what he is alking about on fb but i had one mutual friend which i have now deleted just incase. he said i didn let him know of alice's birth for at least a week and she was born on a sunday and i told him on the thursday i got home. he then denied i have given him various times to see alice even though i was letting him see her twice a week and then in the letter it said he could come twice a week for half an hour and he hasnt come. i think hes bluffing aswell because in the las letter it said if i dont re register her birth he wll take me to court but this time there was no mention of court. i think he wants me to go to mediation to try and get me to agree for him to see more of her. im not going to change what i said so i suppose il see weher hes really bothered about seeing her if he still doesnt agree to it.
you have all been really helpfull and put my mind at ease thank youuu xx

 

[scottishgal89]

what are guys all about?
my ex has been making similar threats and so far hasnt carried them out
he also has been lying big time threw the lawyer and all we can do is tell the truth and be firm.
its such a horrible, upsetting situation to be in. i know how u feel

 

[JoJo16]

i think for your solicitor suggest he pays cash is a bit daft- do u see my point about having no proof of what hes paid?
as for him being on bc- if he takes you to court to be on bc a dna test will be done and it will get granted. it almost always is. but at the end of the day that doesnt give him 'equal' rights like men seem to think. my ex is on bc and hasnt seen lo in over a month cause i stopped his contact.
he is asking for way to much. you need to be firm with him and to the point.
if he takes you to court in a way hes shooting himself in the foot for not accepting any contact to be honest. my solicitor told me my ex's solicitor will be telling him to take any contact hes offered so a bit confused why hes still being so stubborn with u
who does he think he is?!

she said he can have a made reciept signed for proof. im not really bohered though i no he wont pay anything untill he gets what he wants. hats what i was thinking how can he take me to court after hes just thrown back everything im offering but thats the type of person he is, hes so controlling and will try o get everything his own way. he has told me he should have custody because i cant support her finacially lol hes a totall muppet. if he had custody which he wont but if he did he would have to stop working therefore he would have no income either. he picks at every little thing to try and get what he wants and its so stressfull trying to figure out wha hes going to do next.
oh and he thinks hes gods gift and everyone should bow down to him.

 

[JoJo16]

what are guys all about?
my ex has been making similar threats and so far hasnt carried them out
he also has been lying big time threw the lawyer and all we can do is tell the truth and be firm.
its such a horrible, upsetting situation to be in. i know how u feel

thanks hun. it just drags on for so long and i cant even see what the end outcome will be i dont no how hes going to react next and what other shit hes gona throw at me. part of me just thinks 'take as long as you want your the one whos missing out' x

 

[scottishgal89]

yeah its his loss babe!
i changed my number and everythin. only contact ex has with me is threw lawyer
he was harrassing and threatening me and they have no right to do that!
its so selfish for him to keep asking for more really.
try not to let it stress you- i know how hard that is though
as for him getting custody- that actually made me laugh- what an arse!

dont listen to anything he says, your a good mum and he cant take your baby away from you. idiot!!!