Sorry...rant alert at family members

[KimmyLou]

So we had our 12 week ultrasound today and announced on facebook (as you tend to do). Lots of people have congratulated us but my cousin has upset me, by her shitty comment of...'what, another one?!!' This is our 4th child and yes it's not your typical 2 children family but each child is a beautiful miracle and blessing and very much planned and wanted!
I know I am probably being over sensitive but I just think why can't people just be happy for us or not comment at all? Xx

 

[suesue]

Am dreading telling my family as this will be my 5th baby and they where shocked when I had my 4th but as you said I love all my children and all are wanted X

 

[Chiochick]

I feel your pain.
This is my 3rd
None of my family was happy.
We planned this baby.
Some members of my family actually said "oh no..."
I cried. It really brought me down after we announced. Especially because SO's family was all so supportive and excited and mine was so disappointed. I felt no support.
After a while, most of the sadness faded and I realized I don't absolutely need their approval. SO and I are so I love with this baby and I became excited again.
Don't let anyone cast a shadow on your happiness.
As long as you and baby are happy and healthy, F them

 

[KimmyLou]

Thank you for your comments. I am so glad I'm not the only one who feels put down by family members. I just don't understand why people can't be happy for you!!
Chiochick, you are so right with what you said, baby is healthy and I'm so very happy that he/she is, I've been on cloud cuckoo land all afternoon!!
Congratulations to you both on your pregnancies. Xx

 

[x__amour]

I'm so sorry. I would be so angry. If we get any nasty comments, they probably won't be "friends" with us anymore.

 

[lau86]

Just jealous! I'd love a fourth and it's no one else's business!

 

[broodymrs]

Omg ppl are so rude! Like op I think I'd be defriending anyone who made a comment like that!

 

[MindUtopia]

I do think a lot of it is either people only seeing or remembering the tough stuff, like that one day 4 months ago when you were really exhausted and overwhelmed, or just them projecting their own wishes on you. When I told my mum we were pregnant with our daughter (she's 3.5 now), her response was, "oh my god, are you okay? did you plan this?!?" I should add that I was at the time a 31 year old, married, well educated, financially and emotionally secure professional, like we couldn't have been in a more ideal situation to have a baby, who was very much planned. She loves her granddaughter but routinely says things like, "I hope you aren't thinking of having another!". Again, stable, happily married, financially secure, I have a PhD, just got a great new job, we're really solid, capable, confident parents with really flexible schedules, and god, I'm about to turn 36. Still she's like, "you know, you really shouldn't be thinking about having another anytime soon!". I think some people are just like that sometimes. I think in her case, it's her projecting her own insecurities as a parent on me as she struggled a lot, had a crappy marriage to my dad, and definitely didn't want another after she had me (I'm an only child). People should think more about what they say, but at the same time, just take it with a grain of salt. It's more about them than you, even though it's crap.

 

[LulaBug]

People are just insensitive and opinionated. I'm dreading announcing this pregnancy because I'm pregnant so soon after having my son 8 months ago. I know I'm going to get the "You're going to have your work cut out!", "wow, so soon?" Comments and I could just do without it. It almost makes you feel like you should somehow feel embarrassed and ashamed instead of the joy you're feeling and I hate shitty people and their stupid comments like that. Ignore your cousin, she's being a knob x

 

[sewing_mama]

My cousin has 4 gorgeous kids and it looks like so much fun! They are all so close, a little gang of friends! ❤

 

[KimmyLou]

I feel a lot better about it today...thank you for all your comments of support, they have really helped. My children and husband are my world and I'm determined not to let shallow comments hurt. Xx

 

[star_light]

We are having #4 too and in my case it's my oh family who is Lil shock when we tell them and my own family us over seas but very happy and exited....we decide before hand that this is our decision and we don't care what anyone thinks..wish you happy n healthy 9 months this is blessing in my opinion I saw so many post of couple who want baby so bad and they are trying much harder ...we are blessed from GOD ..

 

[MyFavSurprise]

I am having my 3rd and dreading the announcement too.. I'm scared the most of telling my mom because she's going to be disappointed. I was so excited to get pregnant and have another and all I find myself feeling is...ashamed I guess. I'm glad you're feeling better about everything, every baby is a beautiful blessing
I read this amazing article the other day called "To the Lady Ashamed of Being Pregnant With Her Fourth" online on Huffington Post, I definitely recommend reading it for anyone having their 3rd or more

 

[6lilpigs]

Does your cousin have children? There may have been a little jealousy in her comment maybe. Congrats btw

 

[KimmyLou]

Does your cousin have children? There may have been a little jealousy in her comment maybe. Congrats btw

No she hasn't yet, she's not a very maternal girl. At the moment she is very career motivated. X

 

[Happymummy671]

5th pregnancy, 3rd child. Havent told anyone yet. Can imagine the comments im already thinking of some witty comebacks -
"Want to help me push it back up when it arrives?"
"Wow thanks for the support, its great to know you understand and will be willing to help out so much"
Lol cant think of other yet

 

[2ducks]

I just read through everyone's comments, there are some really valid thoughts and opinions but I want to play devil's advocate and offer a different perspective. Really, on BnB we know little to nothing about other member's back grounds and personal lives and assume that everyone is in a great position to have a child. When my brother and his now wife were pregnant with his second, her third child we were not too excited as a family. He and his wife (then girlfriend) were ecstatic. Our feelings were not out of jealousy or spite, it was out of concern. He has a child with a different woman and had only been out of that relationship for like 5 minutes before getting his new gf pregnant. His wife has two older children with two different fathers and no job. My brother and his wife have a highly dysfunctional relationship. Plus his wife's parents pay for her house, utilities, phone etc (which is ridiculous). It is no surprise that her mother was upset when she found out another baby was coming because she pays for everything. I was concerned because my brother and his gf had only been together a very short time when she was pregnant and he is very immature. Things continue to be very rocky for him. We all love my niece very much, she is so sweet and perfect but it definitely was very poor timing and things continue to be very dysfunctional in their relationship and now the kid are acting out.

Perhaps some grandparents are concerned because they have had to help out a lot in the past and feel obligated or expected to do so now. Or perhaps family knows about other struggles in your life (relationships, finances, jobs) and are concerned that another baby will add more stress. Life is complicated! I do agree with everyone's opinions. There are a lot of jealous and unhappy people out there who want to put others down. Also, people do project insecurities and sadness onto others. We struggled so much to conceive our first, it was hard to hear other people's birth announcements. I always kept my mouth shut and put on a happy face, some people feel better lashing out at others.

KimmyLou, it sounds like your cousins comment is just plain rude, although she may have meant it to come off funny or clever.

MindUtopia, that's really odd that your mother is encouraging you not to have another one, especially since this is only your second! Sounds like she must have been overwhelmed with one child and can't imagine how you can take care of two.

LulaBug- It took me 15 months to get pregnant with this one due to PCOS. I am never going back on the pill, if I am lucky enough to get pregnant right after this one is born I would be irate if anyone made negative comments. Its hard for others who get pregnant easily to understand the struggles of us ladies with PCOS.

 

[Ellivort]

So we had our 12 week ultrasound today and announced on facebook (as you tend to do). Lots of people have congratulated us but my cousin has upset me, by her shitty comment of...'what, another one?!!' This is our 4th child and yes it's not your typical 2 children family but each child is a beautiful miracle and blessing and very much planned and wanted!
I know I am probably being over sensitive but I just think why can't people just be happy for us or not comment at all? Xx

My own brother's response was "why'd you go and do that?"
I wanted to karate chop his nuts.

we've been trying since our daughter was born (7yrs) and finally we have a miracle and that's his reaction to being an uncle the second time around! Arggh.

Some people just want to rain on your parade, don't let them. It has more to do with what is missing in their lives than what is happening in yours.

You keep on celebrating!

 

[cleckner04]

^^^ I agree with her. They rain on your parade bc something is lacking in their lives.

I'm sorry people were insensitive. Even if you truly think someone is unfit or doing an unwise thing, the mouth should stay closed. It's not anyone else's life and even if you are worried about a family member they are already pregnant so might as well embrace it bc any life is a blessing.

 

[comeondance77]

I'm sorry your family reacted that way. I'm pregnant with my first and I'm unmarried but my boyfriend and I have been together for a long time. Before people got excited they generally asked, "Is it ok to be excited? Are you happy about this?". It was not exactly the reaction I was looking for. It didn't help that my sisters and his sister were so stunned that it took a few days before they got actually excited. I kind of understood the reactions I got though even though it wasn't ideal.

My aunt had her 7th child around 6-7 years ago and I have a feeling she went through what you're going through. If I remember correctly she was pregnant around the same time as her oldest daughter.