Stag due in Amsterdam

[Lunabelle]

So this is going to be a long story, but my OH announced yesterday that he will going on a stag weekend in Amsterdam this weekend. I need to vent. He said he had been invited weeks ago, but hadn't realised it was a stag due so he said he wouldn't be going. So it's not really something he is eagerly happy to do, but feels like he has to since it's his friend's stad due.

He is already very mature, not a silly little boy anymore and going to strip clubs and all of that is not really his thing anymore. Yes he did use to do that when he was younger.

I don't get the whole stripper thing and ''last nigh of freedom'' talk, as all of the men there are married or in committed relationships and the groom himself is getting married after being in a longterm relationship. Might be last night of freedom with an arranged marriage, but really these guys have had their 'last night of freedom' a long time ago.

He doesn't know all of the guys that will be going as some are the groom's friends from abroad. I don't personally know the groom very well, but one of the guys who is going I can just imagine would do everything nasty that one could imagine and maybe more... He is just a sleazy man, don't think he would be able to resist temptation. But that's just my opinion, I don't have any proof against him.

When he told me about it yesterday, he was very sweet and said he hadn't promised anything before he spoke to me as he wouldn't want to do something that I was really uncomfortable with and wouldn't want to risk loosing what he have. I was very upset about him going, but at the same time I don't want to restrict him and stop him from doing what he wants to do. I mean if he wanted to cheat, he could do anywhere I suppose. We agreed that he would go, as I do trust him and don't want to retrict him. But we agreed no lap dances, he did admit that strip clubs are likely as it's a stag due in amsterdam. I know there needs to be trust in a relationship for it to work, but really a stag due in amsterdam?

Now today I have been looking up at stagg due's in amsterdam and there is a lot more to it too than just strippers, a lot of nice things that really guys should be doing on a stag due. But there is also worse things to do, I read stories where the guys were given blowjobs by strippers etc, brothels, live sex shows...Grooms even having sex with girls, restling in mud with naked girls... things I definatly would not approve off and that would really hurt my feelings. And it said about why guys would go there ''so you don't have to bump into your fiancees grandmother while walking down the streat with one stripper in each arm''. I'd like to think that these guys are more mature than that, but when you're in a group and drunk or high on mushrooms you just do stupid things that you wouldn't do otherwise. Fact.

I love my OH, I do want to trust him and do trust him under normal curcumstances, but I also know he is quite sexual with a high testosterone and loves sexy girls... I don't want to be the evil crazy paranoid girlfriend, but feel like I am turning into one.. Oh and he was also like there will be times when you'll be going on hen nights, and I wouldn't want to restrict you then but at the same time wouldn't feel comfortable with some male stripper rubbing his penis all over you (TMI). But I think that's joke, because the hen nights I have been to have been very innocent and in general hen night tend to calmer. I think the ''worst'' thing was that the bride gave her bra to some guy at the bar, maybe panties too can't really remember. And now that I think about it, even on that hen night things did get a little wilder, but let's not go into details...

What I really worry about is that something could happen, and if it does I do think I will find out and the relationship will just never be the same. I know we could try to stay together but I know myself and have been cheated on before and it just isn't something I could ever forget or forgive. It wouldn't be my choice anymore to stay or leave, because the relationship would already be gone. But are these just the things you have to accept in a relationship? I honestly don't think I can tell him not to go, without that too having an impact on our relationship. Really I don't think I should be stopping him from going, I don't think it is something he should choose to go onto. It's not something I would choose to do in a relationship. But he is going, and I will just have to wait and see.. Maybe I will cook a nice dinner tonight or ask if he wants to go out for dinner, we have a bottle of wine and have one more great evening together before he goes, just in case it'll be our last one...

 

[Geebug x]

You say you trust your OH so I think you need to remember that lovely.
I personally wouldnt have a problem with it as I know OH xxx

 

[Charlotteee]

My Fiancé is going on a stag do to Hamburg in a few weeks for 4 days, which also has all the prostitutes available etc. I 100% trust him, I know he will be in lapdancing bars and that, but i also know he wouldn't waste his money on a dance, nor would he sleep with a prostitute (his words were, why would he pay for it with a woman who has probably been with tens of thousands of men when if he wanted to cheat, which he doesn't, he would pick someone up in a club)

You've said it yourself that you trust him, so whilst he's away keep yourself busy so you aren't thinking too much. I'm having the girls round as he goes the day after my birthday and i'm having a garden party, then out for afternoon tea the dat after etc etc.

If he was going to cheat he would do it anywhere regardless xxxxx

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

Please dont stress ;( xx hugs xx

 

[mum140381]

there is no way my husband would go i would not let him and i dont think he would want to but thats just me x

 

[k4th]

If you trust your oh, it will all be fine. Just because some of the men might be into some heavier stuff - doesn't mean your oh will follow suit

My oh went on a stag do to Tenerife a year ago - with a couple of slightly dodgy lads in the crowd. The funny thing was he was calling me at 4am telling me they were morons & he wanted to come home, have a cuddle & sleep in his own bed! Lol - old before his time. A lads night out is fun - a weekend away with people you don't know well can get irritating pretty quickly. And there's always one that p***es everyone off.



As I'm writing this though - I do have a little niggle about four days notice for a "holiday" abroad. I wouldn't do that to oh & I wouldn't expect him to do it to me. Misunderstanding about the original invite or not. Maybe that's just because we have dd at home & our social calendar is complicated & hectic though. If that's not important to you, then it's not an issue

 

[Bittersweet]

I have to agree my fiancé wants his stag do in Prague. I don't care hes openly been to a strip club before and he hated it as he just wished he could come home and spend time with his women (his words). But if oh said time 4 days before I would have a problem with that but not with anything else.