Stepchildren and rooms Please give advice

[pamkay]

I need some advice. I am a grandmother of 2 children, ages 2 and 4 a boy and a girl. Their mom is living with her boyfriend and has a new baby (toddler now) by him. She has put the two and four year old in the same room and given the extra bedroom to the baby. NOW, my son the two and four year old's father, is remarrying and they are pregnant and planning on doing the same thing! This woman is wonderful to my grandchildren in every way, or has been so far. But I feel like the little boy and girl are getting slighted. Why can't the infant be in the parent's room? Or why not the parents make the finished basement their room and give the children the bedrooms? The two and four year old are at the dad's house every day and evening while mom works and every other weekend. Approximately 3-4 overnights a week. (This is a very small house) Basement is close. I am sad to see my grandchildren who already have to be in this situation not have their own rooms while the children their parents have with others get their own spaces. Am I being unreasonable and overprotective? I have not really voiced my opinion to the parents.

 

[tallybee]

Hi

I can see both sides really

Personally, for me, a new baby would be in mine and my partner's room, to begin with anyway. But, that's just personally... everyone's different and I'd say they must have their reasons for wanting to do things the way they are saying. I didn't have mountains of baby stuff to store but perhaps they have a lot of things for the baby and need to use that room to have space for it?

Also, at 2 and 4, your grandchildren are still very young, a long way off from 'needing' their own space/bedrooms. It'd be a bit different if they were both a few years older, as obviously it wouldn't be fair for an older brother and sister to share a room, but at 2 and 4 my kids (boy and girl) actually shared a room even though we had an extra bedroom available - they liked each others' company and it was better that way for us.

Also, looking at it from the point of view of both households, if your grand children are spending about half their week at one place and half at the other, then it would probably seem to those in charge of those households that half the time, that/those spaces stand empty and that would seem to them to be a bit wasteful for 2 rooms to be only half-used iyswim?

As long as your grandchildren are loved and cared for by both parents (and step families) then I think that is the important thing. I see what you are saying, I just think that each family will work out what is the most practical to them. They may well change their minds along the way anyway.

Hope this makes sense!

There is a step parents support thread here https://www.babyandbump.com/parenting-groups/599119-step-parents-support-thread.html which you may find useful, all of us on there have experience from some angle of 'combined' families so you might find some more useful advice than mine there

xx

 

[Nibblenic]

I think the best thing is consitancy for them. So if at both houses they share a room I think thats a good thing. They are still veyr young and fully blood related. I also think it is likely that the baby/toddler could still be waking in the night So it will be best for them to ave a seperate room in order for them to get a full nights sleep.

I am sure both sides are trying to do what they think is best for all the chilren they love.

 

[dusty_sheep]

Why can't the infant be in the parent's room? Or why not the parents make the finished basement their room and give the children the bedrooms?

This is older, and the poll is closed already but still, I want to say that I'm totally with you there.

I imagine it being difficult to be always fair to all your kids, especially when you have a new partner and some of the children are his and some aren't.

Maybe ask the kids what they want? At least the 4yr old might have an opinion on this. But if you want my opinion, I would have the Baby in the parents' room for a while because otherwise the two other kids wake up when the baby wakes up at night. However, having the two older children in their own rooms and the baby with the parents, this still might lead to jealousy. Because basically, not a lot of 2 and 4 yr olds really want to sleep all alone in their rooms.

Because actually, it is unnatural for little children to be and sleep all alone. Thousands of years ago, a baby that wouldn't refuse to sleep alone, wouldn't have lived for very long, and we still get fat when we eat too much, so it's not a surprise babies still cry when they are left alone at night. So no wonder so many parents complain about their babies not sleeping well. But anyway, that's a personal point of view.

And if I had a 4yr old, a toddler and a baby - but only two rooms: I'd have one sleeping room and the other one for them to play in. So no one gets neglected when it comes to own space as well as having to all alone. Still, I'd probably keep the baby in the parents' room for a few months or so.