still hurts

[teal]

My LO is 19 months old and I've not seen my ex/fob since June 2009..

I'm definitely not as angry as I was but I still feel really hurt. I thought I was fine. It just feels that lately I've been more upset about it than usual. It's not that I want to be with my ex I feel like my head is all over the place. I know I'll never understand why he just didn't want to know. I really thought I knew him.

I've been feeling so guilty as well. I did try to contact him once LO arrived but he changed his phone number, closed his email account and moved house. I couldn't contact him so felt like there wasn't anything else I could have done. I think I worry that my son won't think I tried hard enough

I know we're better off without him and don't need someone who is capable of ignoring their child. I really do know that but I still feel so hurt. I'm thinking about it way too much.

I also worry about him randomly appearing and wanting to be involved. I wouldn't stop him if he wanted to be involved but now that my LO is getting older I worry that him appearing would upset my son.

Sorry for rambling and thanks for reading xx

 

[xSophieBx]

Firstly a huge

I know it hurts BUT you need to stop dwelling on the past and look at what a fantastic job you've done bringing him up all by yourself, and look to the future. Stop thinking about 'what ifs' cos they don't exist with a loser like him and thank god you found out what type of person he was then.

Your son will be grateful for everything you've done for him when his older & will def not hate you! Who knows what the future holds.. you may meet a lovely man that wants to be part of both your lives

I also wouldn't worry about him turning up... I very much doubt he will now! xx

 

[Laura2919]

Firstly a huge

I know it hurts BUT you need to stop dwelling on the past and look at what a fantastic job you've done bringing him up all by yourself, and look to the future. Stop thinking about 'what ifs' cos they don't exist with a loser like him and thank god you found out what type of person he was then.

Your son will be grateful for everything you've done for him when his older & will def not hate you! Who knows what the future holds.. you may meet a lovely man that wants to be part of both your lives

I also wouldn't worry about him turning up... I very much doubt he will now! xx

I agree with this.

If he just turns up tell him to take you to court and shut the door in his face! He cant think that its ok to come in and out of LO's life when he feels like it. But this sounds unlikely anyway being he went to great lengths to avoid you. He changed his number, cancelled his email address and even moved house!

You are 100% better off without him. But I can understand why you feel hurt because he wasnt the person you thought he was.

One day you will meet a man who will love the both of you as you deserve to be loved and he will be the one missing out even if he thinks he isnt.

 

[teal]

Thank you so much for the replies.

I know you're both right.

I'm feeling much better now so hopefulyl was just a particularly crappy morning! xx

 

[AbbynChloe]

I'm definitely not as angry as I was but I still feel really hurt. I thought I was fine. It just feels that lately I've been more upset about it than usual. It's not that I want to be with my ex I feel like my head is all over the place. I know I'll never understand why he just didn't want to know. I really thought I knew him.

This is exactly where I am at - problem is I still have his number and the urge to call him up and have it out with him......... but I know it will be pointless. Chloe turns 3 in 2 weeks, and I am so heartbroken for her - she misses him terribly

 

[Mally01]

I'm the same but it's only just happened to me so not sure what the future will hold or whether my ex will want to know my baby ever. (I'm guessing a big fat zero on that one) The way I see it, I would rather be an individual that looks back on my life with the label of being 'good mother, loved her family, loved her kid/s and they loved her' Rather than being one of those men who abandons their children and will always, always have on their consience that they left their own flesh and blood in this world for their own selfish needs. Not a good burden to carry around in your soul for years, for anyone. I reckon you should celebrate the love you share and years of love to share with your babba and pity the man who will never experience that.

Hugs xx

 

[QuintinsMommy]

i havent seen my FOB since june of 2009 as well!

 

[Laura2919]

Its your FOB's that are missing out ladies. Honestly, you have one of the greatest gifts in life x

 

[teal]

i havent seen my FOB since june of 2009 as well!

xx

 

[teal]

Its your FOB's that are missing out ladies. Honestly, you have one of the greatest gifts in life x

Definitely. They'll regret it one day when it's too late xx

Feeling much better this morning Thanks girls xx

 

[Laura2919]

Glad your feeling better hun.

Yes they will realise.

 

[surprisebaby]

I know how you feel. It still hurts me too that FOB left me when found out I was pregnant. I feel a lot better than before. It's taken a long time to heal, but at times it's just heart breaking. He doesn't see Charlotte at all. I passed him down the street the other day and he completely blanked me and didn't even look at Charlotte (she was in her pushchair). I used to blame myself but now I realise it wasn't my fault he left. He just didn't want a child.

I think its really difficult for you because in your situation you didn't get any closure. You didn't get the conversations from him at the time to help you move on. It was just left unresolved and a messy ending and it plays on your mind... Well that's what happened to me!

I must say it has made it much easier meeting a new guy. I have a new bf and he has a much nice character and is mature (which is a refreshing change). My ex was so immature. I too worry about him getting back in touch when he finally matures and realises but then how likely really is that. Someone who makes a decision to pretend they don't have a child would then need a lot of courage and decency to then want to do the right thing. I think it would a miracle if our FOB's character changed that much...what makes me feel a bit better is thinking one day the CSA will collect money from his wages... That's makes me feel better that at least he'll be forced into taken financial responsibility and maybe wipe that smug smile of his face that he thinks he's got away with it...!