Still in a quandry about telling FOB about birth

[Welshcob]

Its still whizzing around my head and I could use bouncing this off you again!
Womens Aid, Domestic Violence Helpline, Solicitor have all said not to mention birth of bubs to FOB.
And if I look at it logically - what has he done to show that he is in the remotest interested in the welfare of the baby or me?
- He stopped speaking to me at 5 weeks preg.
-8.5 weeks preg - pushes me over and says hes not sure what he wants and then has me arrested for slapping him
- in response to my asking him what part he wants in the babies life - assuming he wants nothing to do with me...although he never said a word. He takes me to court for harrassment and says that the texts asking what is going on and invites to scan are harrassment, not to mention that he was abused for 4.5 years by me,....yet he was the one on the perpetrator program for abusive men and I was at womens Aid. 6 month No contact order in place.
- I was in high risk preg with suspected Placenta Praevia
- No one to discuss any tests with
- Not one word from him
- Hes started drinking again and he is his most vile and violent when he drinks!

So his order comes to an end...do I tell him about this baby? I mean I really think that when I look at the facts, I am a stupid Cow because looking at that, he could not make it more clear that he wants us away and stay away.

He can contact me if he wants to know, but I still have this nagging feeling of wanting to be reasonable - even though I know he is anything but.
The other thing is that if I contact him, that might look like the minute this order is over that I am straight back to contacting him.

So you might know that I was thinking of placing some details on My Space, which he can access if he wants and that way I am not directly contacting him. I hope and pray to God that baby finds a proper decent father...not this man. I've even been worrying about that Swine Flu shot and I can't even discuss any of this or the rest of the tests I have had to make decisions on.

So grateful to you all for listening

 

[lou_w34]

Firstly have some !

And secondly, i think what you should do, is ask yourself, what would you say if it was me, or any of the other girls on here, asking you what we should do if we were in your position??

The answer sounds easy then, doesnt it? lol
Personally, with so much advice from solicitors ect ect, i would take their advice and not contact him at all.

If you want to make an announcment of the birth on myspace, i would do it, but i would make it as limited as possible, and make any pictures you put up on private. That way if he really wanted to know, he will ask.

Sorry that wasnt much help

 

[McLovin]

I agree with Lou x

 

[sweetlullaby]

I also agree with Lou and a massive for you!

Personally if it was me in your shoes i would listen to the advice of womens aid/ solicitor/ and domestic violence helpline. I wouldn't try and contact him especially if he's been drinking and is extremely violent when he drinks. I would leave it and let him come to you. What he's done to you from what you've posted is cruel and manipulative and i think he's really made his point that he doesnt want to be involved whatsoever and i would think of all possible outcomes if you did contact him. true he could change his mind decide he wants to be involved and be a loving father type thing....but i would also ask myself how likely this outcome is. I would also consider things like what if you tried to contact him and he made up lies again and got another no contact order out against you? Or if he started making life difficult be spreading lies about you and even your LO.

Sorry I've kinna went on a bit I agree with Lou in that put one of us in your position and if it was one of us posting what advice would you offer us? I find that helps a lot when it comes to making decisions etc.

The Myspace thing might be a good idea....maybe a small birth announcement so then at least if he went onto your profile he'd see you had your LO and then its up to him what he does.

But anyways and if you've any worries or concerns swirling around in your head about other things you could put them in your posts as well Im sure we'd all offer advice or listen to them as well xx

 

[tinkabells]

Totally agree with Lou, and loads of hugs for you xxx

 

[Welshcob]

Thanks a million all of you. First of all for your patience with me. I really appreciate being able to bounce this off you. Also you just help keep me on track instead of this constant turmoil about - "doing the right thing" I absolutely realise that I must be mad. I also realise that this is probably what kept me in the relationship with him, that I always felt I had to try harder and when I tried harder, he might learn to appreciate me. Of course he was always very sorry when he behaved his worst. Although his last bit of behaviour takes the biscuit. Totally needless wasn't it?
It really helped to hear you say that hes made it crystal clear he wants nothing to do with bubs - I somehow needed to hear that!
So I will perhaps put a basic announcement on My space and then if he wants to make contact, he can. I'll be sure to tell you if he has an attack of the morals and decides to offer any support - but I think we will see pigs fly before that happens. So glad to be able to talk to you. Thanks my cyber friends! xxxxx

 

[tinkabells]

Thats ok, and good luck with everything xxx

 

[purpledahlia]

I think a basic announcement is ok, but to be honest after all he has put yhou thru... do you really want him around you or the baby? he capable of hurting you both now, not just you. Please think about that aswell.. You dont want baby to be hurt, and he might still resent the baby for being here and take it out on baby, ultimately its what you thinks best for you both, but i would really consider not telling him a thing. let us know if he responds to myspace, x

 

[tinkabells]

I think a basic announcement is ok, but to be honest after all he has put yhou thru... do you really want him around you or the baby? he capable of hurting you both now, not just you. Please think about that aswell.. You dont want baby to be hurt, and he might still resent the baby for being here and take it out on baby, ultimately its what you thinks best for you both, but i would really consider not telling him a thing. let us know if he responds to myspace, x

Totally agree with you xxx