Stopping at two?

[LynAnne]

I have one little boy who is 15 months old and I'm almost 18 weeks pregnant with my second. DH seems pretty done at two. It was only him and his sister growing up and he's always been pretty sure he only wanted two with a very small possibility of three. I, on the other hand, come from a larger family and have five sisters. I have always been set on three with the possibility of four.

We had a hard time with five first trimester losses in 13 months before DS arrived and so I've felt that both pregnancies since have been tainted with a LOT of worry and anxiety. Despite this one being pretty straightforward so far (touch wood) i had a little spotting at 8 weeks and swore then it was my last. But I dont necessarily feel that way now. As it is I feel very guilty that I'm not embracing this pregnancy as much as I would like to, made even worse when I think about how it could be my last.

There are lots of sensible reasons to stop after this one. Whilst our finances are perfectly manageable at the moment, a third would really stretch us. As it is we have to work hard to save for holidays and the like and I want my kids to be able to have wonderful experiences growing up, be able to join clubs and do extra curricular activities if they want. I'm not sure it would be feasible! Despite the plan being to move in a couple of years time, we only live in a two bedroom flat at the moment and would only be able to afford a three bedroom. I know not having their own room isn't essential but I shared a room with my sister for 20 years and it was a bit of a nightmare sometimes! I'd like my kids to have their own space.

There is also the logistics of fitting them all in a car (plus dog!). Being able to give them all a good amount of time and attention would be nice too never mind getting our sleep back and having more time with just DH as they get older!

Plenty of sensible reasons but I still don't know if two will be enough for me.

I know that it would be at least a couple of years before we even started trying for a third but all the same I can't help feeling disappointed now that we are likely to be done at two. I've always dreamed of a big family. How do you even come to terms with not having that? I don't want to be miserable like I was while waiting for dh to be ready to start trying for kids in the first place!

 

[Wobbles]

I've stopped at 2, I would have loved another but the cons of 2 and the pros of not having another to benefits my girls won for all the reasons you mention from activities to the 'squeeze'.

 

[krissie328]

We have made the decision to stop at two. While my heart aches for another one I know it is not the best choice. There are so many reasons to stop that I cannot justify adding another one.

For me I have decided to focus on the two I have instead of dwelling on what could be... I also look at the pros of not having to go through a rough pregnancy and sleepless newborn phase again. I also look at it that we can use the resources we have to enrich our children's lives more. We aren't rich by any means but we would like to be able to travel some and expose our kids to different cultures. Stopping at two means we are more likely to be able to do that, as well as start earlier as we won't have to postpone traveling because of an infant. (I know some people do it but we aren't the type that could.)

I'm also looking forward to getting back into my hobbies at number 2 gets a little older. Finding that non mommy time is really important to me so I'm looking forward to that.

Last, babies are hard on relationships and I feel like with two we can maintain an occasional date night or night away without my mom going crazy. (She is our babysitter those times and we're so grateful for her willingness to watch them.)