Stressed out about money after baby is born! Anyone else?

[ajlj1126]

So this has been weighing heavily on my mind for a little while now.. I currently work 40 hours a week and bring home about $320/week. Currently I am allowed to take my DD (13 months) with me, saving me they money I would spend on Daycare (about $120/week in my area)

My boss, however, is not comfortable with me bringing in a newborn with me everyday, and me breastfeeding or pumping is not an option in the office, at all. So I will be leaving my job, since daycare for a newborn is much more than that for a toddler (about $230). If I put the newborn in day care and keep my job, I will only be making about $90 a week, and we use about a tank of gas getting back & forth to work every week at $60, meaning I will only make $30/week, and since I won't be able to pump that $30 is now GONE with having to buy formula. I will make absolutely no money.

My DH's job used to be very lucrative but lately he hasn't been making much and I'm very worried about how we're going to keep our heads above water. We have already gotten rid of everything we could (internet, extra cable channels, etc..) and our bills are at a minimum, but DH's job keeps making cuts and he's not making a lot.

Anyone else going through this? What are your plans to help contribute? I'm worried about this affecting our marriage!

 

[emeeorevan]

I'm sorry. I have been there with ds#2. It wasn't fun but we made it. I really don't know of any advice that would help that you probably don't already know. :'(
I'm worried about finanacial situation after baby because of what's going on now. I am at home today with three"babies" who have the flu! Between doc appointments, and missing work in stressed to the max! I only have sick days to use as paid maternity leave and I'm slowly using them for doc appointments for me and my boys and to take care of the boys!!

 

[Laylagirl]

Are there any programs you could apply for that will help pay or pay full cost of child care? You would probably qualify even with both you and your husband working... And I thought it was the law that every employer has to allow time for pumping at work? Is it a small business? When I was working, my employer HAD to allow me time for pumping AND it was law that I had a private area (not the bathroom) for pumping... Look into your options as much as you can....Im sure there is SOMETHING that can help you keep afloat.

 

[cookette]

Sorry if its rude, but may I ask what you do that your employer expressly denies you the right to pump?

 

[mandaa1220]

I also thought it was the law that your employer is required to let you pump at work and offer reasonable accommodations, not the bathroom.

https://www.usbreastfeeding.org/Emp...aceSupportinFederalLaw/tabid/175/Default.aspx

Look into this.

 

[daydreaming22]

Hello- i see you are in my area! Your employer has to provide you with time and a place to pump by law...but I understand the childcare situation. My 2 year old ' s daycare runs $800 per month and infant care is over $1000 per month!! I'm searching for something affordable for the baby when I go back to work. It doesn't help that I'll be taking 12 weeks with no pay I haven't figured out how we are going to make it.

 

[ajlj1126]

It's a TINY business, 4 employees total. We have a small, 1 room office and a bathroom. There's just nowhere to pump, and since I work with all guys in a construction field and have customers coming in and out all day long, I just don't see how it would be possible.

 

[ajlj1126]

I'm sorry. I have been there with ds#2. It wasn't fun but we made it. I really don't know of any advice that would help that you probably don't already know. :'(
I'm worried about finanacial situation after baby because of what's going on now. I am at home today with three"babies" who have the flu! Between doc appointments, and missing work in stressed to the max! I only have sick days to use as paid maternity leave and I'm slowly using them for doc appointments for me and my boys and to take care of the boys!!

We've never been in this situation before! His job always paid well, but over the last year it has slowly been going down and we're now struggling. How did you handle staying at home? Do you have any budgeting tips? I know we can pay the bills, I'm more worried about groceries and diapers and etc..

 

[Rican47]

Didn't want to read and run but I do feel for you because I'm also on the same boat. Currently, just my husband works. I'm planning on looking for work when baby is close to 3 months with the hopes of finding something when baby is 12 weeks. But I do need to make sure I find something in the pay range that's worth me coughing up 900-1000 for daycare and still bring money to the table. Otherwise, yes husband makes decent money right now but unfortunately our expenses are pretty high and I to worry about resentment issues in the marriage if we have to start cutting back. Only been married a year so definitely is considered a testing time.

 

[MissyLissy]

Yes, I was/am in this predicament. I'm preg with twins. In my area, we are looking at about $500-600 a WEEK for child care for the both of them, roughly $2,000/mo give or take. I make $2,400/month give or take depending on bonuses. So...I'd basically be working my high stress job just to put my kids in child care.

Our solution was for me to outright quit my job (my last day was already 2 weeks ago). Money is TIGHT with just DH working right now, and honestly we can't swing it long term. We'll make it work for now with my PTO still to be paid out and our savings as a safety net. We also went through and scaled back many of our expenses (dropped cable, cut down our phone plans, dropped gym membership, etc). Sometime this winter when the babies are 3-4 months, I plan on going back to work part time evenings and weekends by demoting myself at my current job in a different kind of position. I will work maybe 20-25 hours/week when DH can be home to make up the extra money we need to get by. It's definitely NOT ideal, and money will still be very tight, but it's probably our best course of action. No matter what, it's just temporary. At some point I can and will go back to work full time.

Good luck with your decisions! I know how difficult this was for us to come to terms with and work out. I had many sleepless nights from stress over this early in my pregnancy before we came up with our "plan." I also begged my mom to retire early just to watch my kids...which wasn't my finest moment, lol.

 

[ajlj1126]

Didn't want to read and run but I do feel for you because I'm also on the same boat. Currently, just my husband works. I'm planning on looking for work when baby is close to 3 months with the hopes of finding something when baby is 12 weeks. But I do need to make sure I find something in the pay range that's worth me coughing up 900-1000 for daycare and still bring money to the table. Otherwise, yes husband makes decent money right now but unfortunately our expenses are pretty high and I to worry about resentment issues in the marriage if we have to start cutting back. Only been married a year so definitely is considered a testing time.

This is what worries me the most, I'm scared it'll put too much pressure on my DH and he'll start getting angry/resentful at me for "just staying home" although he has said a million times that he wants me to be a SAHM. I just feel guilty I guess for making him take on all that responsibility himself!

Yes, I was/am in this predicament. I'm preg with twins. In my area, we are looking at about $500-600 a WEEK for child care for the both of them, roughly $2,000/mo give or take. I make $2,400/month give or take depending on bonuses. So...I'd basically be working my high stress job just to put my kids in child care.

Our solution was for me to outright quit my job (my last day was already 2 weeks ago). Money is TIGHT with just DH working right now, and honestly we can't swing it long term. We'll make it work for now with my PTO still to be paid out and our savings as a safety net. We also went through and scaled back many of our expenses (dropped cable, cut down our phone plans, dropped gym membership, etc). Sometime this winter when the babies are 3-4 months, I plan on going back to work part time evenings and weekends by demoting myself at my current job in a different kind of position. I will work maybe 20-25 hours/week when DH can be home to make up the extra money we need to get by. It's definitely NOT ideal, and money will still be very tight, but it's probably our best course of action. No matter what, it's just temporary. At some point I can and will go back to work full time.

Good luck with your decisions! I know how difficult this was for us to come to terms with and work out. I had many sleepless nights from stress over this early in my pregnancy before we came up with our "plan." I also begged my mom to retire early just to watch my kids...which wasn't my finest moment, lol.

That's an idea we had thought about also, is me getting a job overnight/weekends but when would I be able to sleep? I could work overnights (as I am experienced in the medical field and there are lots of open positions for overnights) but when I get home and DH leaves for work, the kids will be up and I will not be able to get any sleep, which means I'd still need daycare and the cycle starts over again!

We will figure it all out, but it feels nice to be able to vent with other people who get it! I tried talking to a couple of other people about this problem and they weren't sympathetic at all - They basically said if you can't afford to have kids then don't. So it's nice to hear from you guys that this isn't just us being "irresponsible" or what have you!

 

[Rican47]

Hugs to all! Like ajlj said it's nice to vent to people who understand but I believe things just have a way of working itself out. When we know better we do better so I'm sure when the appropriate time comes we'll do what is best for our families and make the sacrifices we need to make

 

[MissyLissy]

Didn't want to read and run but I do feel for you because I'm also on the same boat. Currently, just my husband works. I'm planning on looking for work when baby is close to 3 months with the hopes of finding something when baby is 12 weeks. But I do need to make sure I find something in the pay range that's worth me coughing up 900-1000 for daycare and still bring money to the table. Otherwise, yes husband makes decent money right now but unfortunately our expenses are pretty high and I to worry about resentment issues in the marriage if we have to start cutting back. Only been married a year so definitely is considered a testing time.

This is what worries me the most, I'm scared it'll put too much pressure on my DH and he'll start getting angry/resentful at me for "just staying home" although he has said a million times that he wants me to be a SAHM. I just feel guilty I guess for making him take on all that responsibility himself!

Yes, I was/am in this predicament. I'm preg with twins. In my area, we are looking at about $500-600 a WEEK for child care for the both of them, roughly $2,000/mo give or take. I make $2,400/month give or take depending on bonuses. So...I'd basically be working my high stress job just to put my kids in child care.

Our solution was for me to outright quit my job (my last day was already 2 weeks ago). Money is TIGHT with just DH working right now, and honestly we can't swing it long term. We'll make it work for now with my PTO still to be paid out and our savings as a safety net. We also went through and scaled back many of our expenses (dropped cable, cut down our phone plans, dropped gym membership, etc). Sometime this winter when the babies are 3-4 months, I plan on going back to work part time evenings and weekends by demoting myself at my current job in a different kind of position. I will work maybe 20-25 hours/week when DH can be home to make up the extra money we need to get by. It's definitely NOT ideal, and money will still be very tight, but it's probably our best course of action. No matter what, it's just temporary. At some point I can and will go back to work full time.

Good luck with your decisions! I know how difficult this was for us to come to terms with and work out. I had many sleepless nights from stress over this early in my pregnancy before we came up with our "plan." I also begged my mom to retire early just to watch my kids...which wasn't my finest moment, lol.

That's an idea we had thought about also, is me getting a job overnight/weekends but when would I be able to sleep? I could work overnights (as I am experienced in the medical field and there are lots of open positions for overnights) but when I get home and DH leaves for work, the kids will be up and I will not be able to get any sleep, which means I'd still need daycare and the cycle starts over again!

We will figure it all out, but it feels nice to be able to vent with other people who get it! I tried talking to a couple of other people about this problem and they weren't sympathetic at all - They basically said if you can't afford to have kids then don't. So it's nice to hear from you guys that this isn't just us being "irresponsible" or what have you!

Eww. Who told you if you "can't afford to have kids then don't?" How insensitive, rude and non-helpful. In our case, we never planned on having two at once. With one, we would have done child care and I would stayed working. But what can you do? Life happens. And it's not like we can't afford it or won't make it work. It's just a matter of figuring things out and shifting priorities as I'm sure you are also figuring out.

When I was a baby/toddler/young child, my mom stayed home with us while my dad was doing his residency. Money was apparently TIGHT for us. But you know what? I don't remeber any of that. What I do remember is I got to stay home with my mom and had a happy childhood. My parent's budgeting and shifting monetary priorities never affected me one iota. I don't plan on letting it affect my children either.

 

[mandaa1220]

I am not necessarily in this predicament (though things will definitely be tighter once LO arrives), but I am known to be very good with money. One recommendation I would say is that you should make an excel spreadsheet of all of your incoming funds and outgoing expenses. I list EVERYTHING out and write the cost of it monthly (or bi-weekly) depending on how you pay your bills.

Then, I will look and see what can and what cannot be cut. This is the best way to get a real idea of where you stand financially and it can be very eye-opening. I even budget for extra expenses, which will be things like take out, going out to dinner, a date, or misc expenses.

In terms of diapering, you could look into cloth diapering, even PT might help, especially since you will be home.

If something happened with my job, instead of working a FT job overnight or something, I would consider working a PT job like 10-20 hours a week in the evenings when my DH got home from work, just to have that little bit of extra money.

 

[purplecupcake]

We made sure to save up a bunch of money before TTC.

 

[ajlj1126]

Eww. Who told you if you "can't afford to have kids then don't?" How insensitive, rude and non-helpful. In our case, we never planned on having two at once. With one, we would have done child care and I would stayed working. But what can you do? Life happens. And it's not like we can't afford it or won't make it work. It's just a matter of figuring things out and shifting priorities as I'm sure you are also figuring out.

When I was a baby/toddler/young child, my mom stayed home with us while my dad was doing his residency. Money was apparently TIGHT for us. But you know what? I don't remeber any of that. What I do remember is I got to stay home with my mom and had a happy childhood. My parent's budgeting and shifting monetary priorities never affected me one iota. I don't plan on letting it affect my children either.

This is exactly what I needed to hear today! Thank you for your beautiful words!!