Struggling after miscarriage

[HYoung]

Hi, My name is Sarah. This is my first time posting on a site like this but I've really been struggling after my miscarriage in April. I was 7 weeks along, my husband and I had been trying since January and we were so excited when I found out I was pregnant. I thought I had been doing better but today my sister in law announced she was pregnant with her 3rd child and it was like I just lost my baby all over again. I completely broke down and couldn't stop crying, I feel so terrible because my sister in law is so sweet and I want to be happy for her and my brother but I can't. Don't get me wrong all babies are blessings and I'm overjoyed that a new life is going to be in our family but I'm sad for me if that makes sense. I feel so selfish.

We have been trying to get pregnant again for a few months with no luck I know God's timing is perfect but it's hard to stay positive. I feel like I'm letting my husband down but not being able to get pregnant. He has wanted a baby since the day we got married but I wanted to wait and now it feels like he is going to resent me.

 

[Bumblebeee]

I am so sorry for your loss, I am currently waiting to find out if I am miscarrying which is torture and I miscarried in February too, after just over 3 years of trying. I struggle so much to be happy for anybody who announces their pregnancy, and that is nothing against them at all because they will make fabulous parents and the baby will be so loved but I am just too heartbroken for myself and that emotion takes over, it is not selfish, it is just very hard to try to understand why everybody else gets their happy ending and we don’t. I find myself questioning everything, like am I being punished for something? I am blessed to have a beautiful 5 year old girl that keeps my mind busy but she didn’t come easily either, 3.5 years she took to conceive and she asks me most days for a sister which just tears me up because she would be the best big sister, she is so caring and gentle, she would be amazing so my guilt is more towards her not getting a sibling but it is crippling sometimes. We have got to give ourselves time to grieve and we have to do whatever it is that makes it more bearable for us, for me that’s focus on the next cycle and fight my doctors for answers I know they’ll probably never be able to give me xx

 

[HYoung]

I'm so so sorry for your lose also!! I'm so sorry your having to deal with the waiting that has to be the worst!! There was only a few hours in between when I had my first sign of miscarriage and had a diagnosed "complete miscarriage" those few hours were hell. I'll be praying that you get good news soon!! thank you for sharing your story!!

 

[lesondemavie]

I’m going through my second missed miscarriage right now (with a chemical and a rainbow in between). It’s awful anytime it happens. Your post is exactly how I felt after my first mmc. It was our 6th cycle trying and we were thrilled. When our 8 week ultrasound revealed the baby had passed over a week prior, it was the worst day of my life. I wanted that little baby so bad, and I wanted to be a mama more than anything especially after seeing those two lines and dreaming of what would be. I wanted nothing more to be pregnant again and every announcement was so painful. My SIL was expecting at the time and I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t see her and feel happy. There was just too much sadness in my heart. I did not go to her shower even though it was months later. I was still trying and grieving and I figured me sitting there alone sobbing or locking myself in the bathroom all day wouldn’t be good for anyone. When I finally saw her, I did cry the whole day but thankfully it was at a funeral 😬. The anger I felt then scared me but it was ok once I realized it wasn’t her; I just wanted the reminder of what I had lost and couldn’t seem to get back again to go away. It just hurt so bad. More than she could ever imagine. I unfollowed everyone who was pg and then as time went on everyone with kids. I don’t regret any of it one bit. I’m not there anymore and that’s what I needed at that time. I was still trying when my nephew was born, and honestly that day was the first day i had felt true happiness in a long while. It was tough after that seeing photos and meeting him. I missed a lot, but I’m there now.

You have to be kind to yourself. If you need to be angry or sad, then so be it. If you don’t feel hopeful or positive, that’s ok! I mean it stinks; you want this process to be happy and joyful, but sometimes it’s hard and painful. You are grieving the love of a child. That love you feel when you first find out you’re expecting is the deep love of a mother and it cannot be measured in days or weeks or months; it’s instant. That grief is just as deep and you can’t squash it down or make it go away. You have to feel it in your own way and your own time.

Sorry, I think I’m rambling. Lots of emotions swirling about over here. Anyway, it’s ok if you’re not ok

 

[hmmohrma]

I am having a chemical pregnancy end right now. I’ve known for a couple days it wasn’t going well because my hcg wasn’t rising in beta testing. I was trying so hard to be hopeful though. I too have a dd after years of trying. We didn’t have trouble conceiving, but we had trouble carrying successful pregnancies. I skipped baby showers, balled when a colleague (whom I adored) had her baby that was due around the time my 2nd loss would have been born, and worried it would never happen for us. I’m so sorry Hyoung that you had to join this group, but I wish you all the baby dust in the future. Try not to take the blame. It’s thought that around 30% of new pregnancies don’t stick. Have you talked to your husband about your worries?

 

[fides]

to everyone in here. I'm so sorry.