struggling being a prem mum :(

[juicyfruity]

my little girl was born 34 weeks and she's now 6 weeks old and suddenly everyone is expecting her to be reaching milestones. is she cooing yet? is she smiling? no and no. she has great head control though? she's just 7 pounds which is the other thing and people see me with her in the moby wrap on a walk and give me dirty looks for taking out a newborn.

i wouldn't take her out if she was sick of vulnerable, i still dont take her anywhere crowded or full of germs but a wee walk round the nighbourhood to help settle her reflux and calm me is that ok?

i also get "oh she wasnt THAT early, she should reach everything right on time" and then i think what if she doesn't?!

everywhere i go people ask how old she is and after i get the stares i have to add but she was six weeks premature. i know they are well meaning, there is NO malice whatsoever but it just hurts for some reason.

the reflux is hard, the comments is hard and now at 6 weeks the developmental milestones is the next hurdle.

i still havent gotten over the fact i didnt get to to skin to skin straight away, that she was alone all those nights, how she screamed when they put the tube down, the quick labour, seeing them have to rescitate her... i think i need to talk to someone.

 

[rbourre]

I feel the exact same way. My daughter was born at 29 weeks 2lb 2oz and is now just about 7 months old and weighs over 11 pounds. People give me dirty looks all the time when I take her out. I had someone recently say "what is she? 3 weeks old?" and I've had people ask me why I would bring her out because she's so young. They always comment on how she is so tiny. To me, she's huge compared to when she was born. She's gained over 9 pounds since she was born and I think of that as a huge accomplishment, not that she's very tiny for her age (even her corrected age).

My daughter came home 10 days before my due date. When I took her 3 days later to see the doctor, he was asking if she was cooing yet and a bunch of other stuff. I hated having to say no just grunting.

If you ever want to talk, feel free to PM me. I love talking to other preemie moms.

 

[Foogirl]

It's a really hard thing. People thing "preemie" is done when LO gets a bit bigger and our babies are the same as all others. Unless they have been there, folk just don't get it. Keep reinforcing your LO is still really only just a newborn and needs time to catch up. And if people give you dirty looks, just shoot them a dirty look back!

Are you in the UK? Www.bliss.org.uk have a range of support services from individual counselling to support groups, leaflets, advice or even just the chance to hook up with other mums. PM me if you want to chat it all through. Also, the ladies here are great, you can rant as much as you need. Xxx

 

[jandksmommy]

When strangers ask me how old my LO is, I have started giving them her adjusted age instead of her real age. She was alittle over 17 weeks premature so at 6 months old she weighs 10 pounds and looks like a newborn. I have become so tired of explaining it and having the same conversation over and over again with complete strangers whenever we are out in public.

As far as people commenting on your little princess meeting milestones... people can be so stupid! All babies meet milestones at different ages. Our LOs might take alittle bit longer to get there but they will get there. Our sweet girls are perfect and I tell people that when they feel they know enough about preemies to make some silly comment.

You are her mommy and you love her so much so it is hard to deal with unfeeling comments and judgements from others. And it is hard to deal with the memories of a premature birth. I still cry alittle when I look at pictures of my 1 lb 6 oz baby girl and when I remember watching her get intubated, seeing them put an IV in her head... the bad memories are fading though. I had a great friend to talk to about all it and I found it helped to keep a journal and write down all my feeling- good and bad. And there is nothing wrong with getting professional help! Good luck hun.

 

[Stelly]

Unfortunately it seems to be just one of those things- most people havent dealt with preemies and they are ignorant. People who haven't been there just don't understand the concept that your baby is just NOW hitting "fresh out of the womb" new born stage at 6 weeks! No one expects a newborn baby to be cooing and smiling and rolling etc!

I got dirty looks a LOT the few times I've had to take my son out. Just had to learn to brush it off, and to learn to fight the compulsion to explain myself. Ya don't owe those people an explanation. You are an excellent mom!! Having a preemie and the challenges that go with it is tough!

I would talk to someone about your feelings towards the birth etc. I became friends with another NICU mom (her baby was next to my son, they were born 2 days apart) and it was very cathartic to be able to talk about all the frustrations and things i felt cheated on with someone else who truly understood.

Its a hard road but you have a happy healthy little girl, you are doing so wonderful. Don't ever forget it or let others make you feel down about it!

 

[WishfulX1]

Hi, just wanted to send thoughts your way! It's a tough road to be on.

Luckily I never experienced any negative looks or comments when out with my daughter.

I did/do however get the comments about how she wasn't that early etc, she was born exactly 33weeks, I was very unwell, was put to sleep for c-sec, didn't see her for almost 2days and spent almost every hour in nicu/scubu with her when i was well enough as well as dealing with my 4year old when I got home and getting over how quick everything happened and how ill I was so although people don't think she was THAT early, they have no idea unless theyve experienced it, its been a bloody tough journey and I know exactly how you feel.

Regarding the milestones, my little one was quite behind and I worried ALOT!! She had very poor head control till about 5-6months old, didn't really interact with me at all, didn't reach for toys etc, didn't actually do much till 6months old!
She was 8months old yesterday and is amazing! She's sitting on her own now, smiles and laughs at everything, plays with toys, jumps crazy in her jumperoo, she's adorable and the most perfect little thing!

 

[jellybean83]

I dont have a premie but im at risk of one this time round,Id hate for this to come across as patronising but i just wanted to say how lucky your little wonders are to have you as parents.

I hope that doesnt come across wrong!

 

[juicyfruity]

no jellybean thats lovely! thanks ladies for all the replies! 8 weeks old now and still no smiles or cooing but in my heart i *know* she's alright, she has only just began to focus on objects she's just taking her time and thats fine! its ups and downs for sure

 

[cdncouple09]

Our baby was born at 33.6 and I believe it was around the 8 week mark that I started to catch glimpses of smiles. It took a couple weeks before we started to see real ones and about 12 weeks before they were more consistent. They do come and when they do it is fabulous!