Struggling To Cope

[ellismum]

Sorry ifthiss turns out to be long winde I need to get this out. I'm in here because El's isn't your "normal" 3 year and I don't think Toddler Club is best suited. Whilst El's is very advance physically he's speech and behaviour isn't. He's always been more "hyper" constantly on the go and unable to sit and concentrate than his peers and it's always commented on. General milestones such as colours/shapes ect have still not been meet, can only count to 12 and drawing wise is just lines. My parents are like "he's a normal 3 year old" but he's not. His Tantrums and behaviour are getting worse and compared to his friends (8 of them) he is the only one like this.

Right now I am mentally exhausted with the constant daily battle and I just don't what to do He wakes very early and is already at 110%. it's a fight to get him dressed, even with trying to engage him as much as possiable. Same with food time, bath time and bed time, in fact any time I'm crying contantly and started to think about how much easier it would be to walk. All I am doing is repeating myself and saying No. The constant tantrums and screaming and complete lack of understanding of the simpliest of instruction is eating away at me. I know he knows what's being asked or explained.

He is very easily distracted and completely fearless. I dread taking him out as he just runs off. If we going shopping you can be guaranteed of an epic tantrum (we had 2 today) and there's nothing we can do or say or distract him with that works. When you see are other children the same age or younger happily walking beside their parent or in the trolly I just get in the car and cry. He has zero concentration and is very easily distracted. Simple task such as drawing or role play end after 3 minutes because he wants get off and do something else. If I ask him not to climb on the oven to get on the ledge or stop jumping on the sofa, it's completely ignored and he just carries on as usual. You'd think after 2 years it would have sunk in but it's still like he never heard me or if I physically remove him, he's back and were repeating the process another 10 times to no success. We give a warning or count to 3 if it continues and put him in time out which is completely pointless as he just can not sit still and I get slapped or kicked. We've got some birthday parties coming up and I'm considering not going as I know he will be trying to open the presents and generally running riot I try to explain things clearly and keeps things short and simple but I may aswell bang my head against a brick wall.

He was referred initially for Speech Therapy and the session was in March and a complete fail. He would not listen to the therapist or us, flitting and climbing places he shouldn't have been. She referred us to the Paed who we saw in June and seeing again in December once he's completed a term at Pre-School and her teams observations as from next month we have fortnightly home visits. It's been acknowledged that somethings not right and from researching myself ADHD is constantly jumping out at me. I feel absolutely awful and a bad parent as I just can't handle him. Im hoping pre-school is going to help aswell as the support from the paeds team but I'd love to hear some help and advice.

 

[swalumni]

Oh, *hugs*, this sounds terribly hard. I have no experience directly with this but I have worked with LOs who have ADHD. Try taking him in to the doctor and seeing what can be done, either with meds or therapy.

And in the meantime, being a mommy is hard enough, so be kind to yourself and hang in there! You are a great mom and just trying to find out what your LO is saying to you, nonverbally.

 

[Tiff]

Having a child with special needs is so hard. I question myself daily as to whether or not I'm a crappy parent and that's why she is how she is.

The waiting process sucks as well, our daughter was flagged at age 2 and she'll be 4 in December and we're just now in the home stretch to get a diagnosis. Massive hugs and we're always here if you need to talk/vent.

 

[JASMAK]

It is hard. We didnt sign up for this...we arent heros...we are parents who struggle day to day to do the bst thing for the child we love so much. Big hugs x

 

[ellismum]

Thanks ladies. It's comforting to know that I can come here and be honest without judgement. I have so much on my plate right at the moment, money problems and my OH will prob be made redundant on a few weeks so add this and general work stress and the issues I'm having with El's I need it.

We had his pre school home visit Monday and his teacher pocked up on his behaviour and was very resassuring which is good to hear when he starts in a weeks time and we have our first home visit this week buy the paeds team observing him. My new worry is that over the last few weeks he's taking to screaming and throwing himself to the floor when he's asked to do something such as getting dressed or sitting down to eat. He refuses to hold eye contact and if we try to hold his hand he bites you and himself or you get a swift slap around the face. At the moment he doesn't do this with the Childminder and I'm praying it doesn't come out at pre school.


Can I ask a quick question regarding discipline? What do you do that effective? We do time out but it's not really pratical at the moment as he gets himself too wound up. Toy confiscation is another we do when he starts throwing them (usually at me) and if he's naughty at bath time like last night he has no story before bed. This doesn't work as he doesn't understand when we try to reason with him and explain that if doesn't brush his teeth/get in or out the bath/undressed that we won't read a story but he just erupts at bedtime demanding one.

 

[Tiff]

Are you familiar with visual schedules? Those have been a GODSEND with Claire. Honestly I was very skeptical about them as I didn't think they'd work but they've really helped us make leeway with the things that she was having a hard time transitioning to.

Here's a bathroom visual schedule as an example. Claire used to fight us like crazy to wash her hands after using the bathroom... over and above what other kids do. We then put a VS up that goes through the steps and now she doesn't fight us anymore.

You can literally make one for anything, there's lots of VS builders out there. We have one for going to the bathroom, one for washing our hands, one for washing hair and one for her night time routine.

For Claire, if she sees it like that it makes it "law" to her so she will follow it. Oftentimes kiddos with extra issues can get overwhelmed with too many steps. Seeing it in simple picture form really helps!

 

[AimeeM]

Dito here I know exactly how you are feeling. We have it with our 2.5 year old. It is great that you are getting help so young with this but you will have to wait for schools input as he will need to show clear evidence in more than one setting i.e home and school.

I already have an older son with adhd, if you would like to talk just PM me. It can be nice to talk to someone who understands

 

[ellismum]

Thanks Tiff, thats something we'll certainly give a go. AimeeM, I'll certainly take you up on your offer.
Had a hard day today, ended up bursting into tears at the tills in the supermarket today, El's was having a screaming fit that stoped everybody in the store as it was so loud because I tried to keep him in the buggy whilst I packed and paid. I'm never going out again