Struggling with being patient

[LynAnne]

I used to be on BnB quite a lot but took a break from it due to lots of other things going on. Plus, I really just needed to step back from the broodiness for a while and found that being here wasn't really helping.

Anyway, we are finally getting married in August this year after being together for almost nine years and engaged for three of them! It is so exciting but the wedding stress is really taking it out of me! I hear it'll all be worth it in the end.

The other day I was joking about with the OH about baby names. This is nothing new - we've been talking about baby names for years. I said that it wouldn't be too far away now until we would have to agree on names as the plan had (loosely) had us trying in 2015. At this the OH blurts out that he doesn't think he'll be ready and that it's more likely we won't start TTC or even NTNP until 2016, possibly 2017. I didn't say anything at the time but inside I was having a minor meltdown.

I've already been properly broody for three years and now he's potentially asking me to wait another three! I'm really struggling to stay patient with all the baby and pregnancy announcements on Facebook of people who have been together no where near as long as we have. I know this doesn't really matter but my head tells me it's really unfair!

How do you manage to stay patient during the wait?

 

[RaspberryK]

Men seem to do this to a lot of women, wondering why they think they hold all the ttc cards?!
Have you had a heart to heart about this with him?
I always say to dh once you ttc it's not instant baby, it'll take a few months to conceive then 9 months before baby arrives and then he's like oh yeah.
Xx

 

[LynAnne]

I know. They do seem to think that it's entirely up to them when the TTC starts but it shouldn't be!

I have tried talking to him about it in the past although not recently because, as I said, the wedding planning is adding enough stress at the moment. Plus I wasn't really expecting to start trying until at least the end of the year/beginning of 2015.

I think he thinks that he needs to be "ready" to become a dad but I also think that he will forever be coming up with new excuses. Granted, our financial situation isn't the best in the world but we would manage. He assures me he definitely wants kids but when I have no real idea. What is to stop us getting to 2016/17 and him saying he still needs more time?!

 

[MissN8]

this happened to me start of last year and it broke my heart but I gave in and waited until OH set a date and I am glad I did as then I didn't feel like I pressured him into it but that is quite a wait for you. maybe ask him to compromise on the date and as other poster said explain to him it can take a few months to ttc and 9 months to carry. men are so annoying sometimes!

 

[RaspberryK]

No one is ever ready to be a parent, you can plan and plan but anything can happen in the future. Ds lost his work when ds was 6 months, our reason for wtt were having our own house and financial stability.
Xx

 

[staralfur]

Is there a specific reason he wants to wait until then, or is he just banking on things being "better" at that point? Because honestly, there's always going to be something that makes you think "maybe right now isn't the perfect time for a baby." I do think there are wrong times to have a baby, but there is definitely not a perfect time.

 

[LynAnne]

Is there a specific reason he wants to wait until then, or is he just banking on things being "better" at that point? Because honestly, there's always going to be something that makes you think "maybe right now isn't the perfect time for a baby." I do think there are wrong times to have a baby, but there is definitely not a perfect time.

I think that he is probably hoping things will be better by that point, we'll have more money etc. I completely agree with you!

 

[free_spirtd]

Sorry you're going through this I am completely 100% in your position. FINALLY recently got hubs to agree to TTC this summer. I recently found out I have Hashimotos and I told him that it's only going to get harder as I get older with this disease thing. I also told him that even though he feels he knows what's best for us when it comes to finances, business, ect.....when it comes to family, a woman knows best. That's pure and simple.

I really don't have any advice for you because, when theyre that stubborn, it's hard to talk them into it... the pressure just makes them feel more rebellious. Best thing you can do right now is make sure that you guys have a deal before getting married, that it's what you both want in the future and it's not something he feels forced into. Then don't talk about it for a while and focus on your lovely wedding and union as a couple. When things slow down and are more relaxed, you can start bringing it back up again kindly asking him to work with you as it takes two . Wish you the best of luck love.

 

[.Jelly.Welly.]

I feel your pain sweetie! I haven't been with my partner nearly as long as you have, but I have never been as in love, happy or settled as I am with him.

He came out of a really nasty relationship and he struggles with the idea of ever having any more (he already has a little boy), but over the last 6 months things have changed for him, we've talked about it in a few years and I've said I want to wait no more than 3 or 4, I think it's helped him that me and his son have bonded so well and we're completely inseparable!

I had to sit down and have a heart to heart and explain that although I understand his pain, that I am not his ex, I adore him and his son and that it's not just his choice it's mine too and it's not fair for him to call all the shots or rule out something I've wanted my entire life, equally it would not be fair for me to put pressure on him, so we've agreed we'll work it out together if and when we're ready, although I am definately more ready them him!

I guess I'm blessed that I have a beautiful step son, but that can make things just as hard as I love him like my own, but he has to go home to someone else and it breaks my heart seeing him so sad when he has to go home.

I cope by making little goals, things to focus on and keep my mind occupied, for example I have a goal to pay off all my debt in the next 2 years and own my own home within the next 5 - I find it helps to take my mind off the broodiness, but also helps knowing I am building towards my future xx

 

[Squashy]

My man has done this several times, it's beyond frustrating! All I hold onto is that when it happens and it's our time it will be amazing :-D