Struggling with it all after MMC

[JoeyTT01]

Hi,

I haven't posted on here before but often read everyones stories and sometimes reply. It's so helpful to know there are people going through the same thing.

I went for my 12 week scan on the 4th Feb and found I had a MMC at 7 weeks. I opted to have an ERPC the next day which went fine, had to go back into hospital a few days later as I had heavier bleeding. But was scanned and they said there was nothing left so didn't have to have a repeat procedure. I had a week off work to recover, and then went back for a week and then on holiday for a week (which was already booked).

I guess I am posting as I don't feel like I am moving on very well. I am so up and down and can't stop thinking about it all. My DH has been great and very supportive but I feel like my sister (who is 36weeks pregnant) and friends don't seem to be that supportive. My sister has said some really thoughtless comments about maybe I shouldn't tell people next time, and that I should take things easier next time and that I shouldn't consider pregnancy real until I have a baby in my arms. I do go to the gym lots but was very sensible when I was pregnant...it feels like she is sort of saying I could have prevented it by taking it easier.

I saw a friend for dinner last night and she didn't even mention it or ask how I am. I guess she thinks its behind me now as it happened 7 weeks ago, but it was the first time I'd seen her since I told her I was pregnant in Jan. I ended up sobbing all the way home.

Do you think its the increased hormones etc that are making things harder? I had my first AF a couple of weeks ago and am just waiting to OV now. We decided to start trying again this month as I am 35 and don't want to leave it too long.

Anyway, sorry for my rambling on.

Good luck to you all, Jo xx

 

[Mummytofour]

You have every right to feel cheated, hurt, angry etc. Any loss is totally heartbreaking and you really do need to give yourself as much time as you need to heal both emotionally and physically.

It will happen for you and your bean will be sticky next time. All that matters is that you and your DH cope together and TALK about it with him as much as you need to.

Take care and don't be afraid to cry, sob, scream and throw things, it really helps with grieving and climbing that TTC mountain again!

 

[Vickieh1981]

It's awful. The feelings after miscarriage are very personal and vary from person to person.

We went for our 13 week scan on the 11th March and found our daughter had died the day before. We have been up and down since I delivered her (chose not to have the d&c so that we could see her)

I think the best thing to do is take each day as it comes and try to just go with the flow. It is awful because people expect you to be over it far quicker than you actually are.

Hugs to you hun.

 

[KatyKat]

Hi Jo,

You're not alone in feeling like that. I had an mc at 8 weeks, also in feb and my DH and I are also just about to start trying again. I also go the the gym a lot and initially was worried that this could have caused the mc - having spoken to our obstetrician however, I know it's not the case. Your body is designed to handle a lot, and if a pregnancy is meant to be it doesn't make much difference how much exercise you do, so please don't feel guilty!

I'm sure your sister doesn't mean to be insensitive - to be fair, I don't think anyone who hasn't been through an mc themselves has any idea how much it hurts or how long it can take you to come to terms with it. Have you tried talking to her about how you're feeling, my guess is she will feel terrible once she knows that you're struggling.

Good luck to you, I'm also due to ov soon, so here's hoping we both get lucky this month!

Hugs

K

 

[JoeyTT01]

Hi,

Thanks so much for your replies, it helps a lot to hear that it all normal and to hear other peoples thoughts.

KatyKat - I am sure you are right that my sister doesn't realise she has been a bit insensitive. I might talk to her about it in the future but I don't want to upset her right now. The pregnancy hormones are making her a bit defensive anyway!

Here's to OVing soon and a lovely BFP!

Jo xx

 

[kstan]

Hi lovely, I know the feeling all too well. I went to a friends christening, which was my 1st outing since my MMC and altho people had sent their well wishes via text wen it was all happening, not one person bothered mentioning my ordeal! I felt cheated like everyone just moved on and left me in the past with my emotions. So I know how u feel. Maybe they just dont wanna bring it up for fear of causing upset. I suppose it is a trick situ for them to be in!

Good luck for this mth. Lots good vibes and baby dust to u x

 

[fredted]

i know exactly how you must be feeling hun i mmc last week at 8weeks i am going through total hell and to top it off my sister who has no children told me i'm dwelling on it! I find talking about my mmc a way of coping especially chating with others who have similar experiences.

I would like ttc but i'm my sisters bridesmaid in dec and organising her hen party it's so difficult she will be so disappointed if i fell pregnant im upset from my mm/c but more so that we have to but it on hold for another year plus i'm 29 and would like a family sooner than later.

 

[nupu]

Hi Joey

Don't be worried that you don't feel like you are moving on - you will eventually, but you will never forget, and that's a good thing. In the end it makes you stronger in my experience, and determined to try and try.
I don't think friends mean to be insensitive but I agree with the previous poster who said they often don't know what to say - they often just don't want to upset you.
I had my first mmc last year. I found out i was pregnant in Feb 09 then had erpc end of March. I still have days where I remember - particularly at the moment and often think about how things would have been different. We have had another mmc and two other natural mc since then and each one is different. To me they were all my children, now my angels and I will remember every single one. I have kept my early scans from the first two, as we saw heartbeats and things looked good.

The most important thing which got my through was my best friends little girl. She was one just after the first mmc and although I missed her first birthday because I couldn't face the NCT firends who all had little ones, I asked my friend to bring her over the day after my erpc.The weather was lovely and we played in the garden. She had just started to walk and it was great having her there. She really got me through the bad times and still does. I don't have any brothers or sisters so don't have nieces or nephews, so she is the closest thing. Being the 'cool auntie' who does great things with her and spoils her rotten is great!

I have a high pressure job which I have decided to give up, as the whole epxerience has taught me there is more to life. The reduced stress should help conception too maybe? I have so much to thank my first little angel for and am looking forward to starting IVF in the summer - kind of!

Sorry if I've ranted on but things do get better. Think positive and look to the future. I have every confidence all your dreams will be realised one day.

Good luck!

 

[whyme]

Hi fredted, so sorry for your loss - happened to me six weeks ago. It is very hard and physically and mentally draining. Nobody can understand unless they have been through it, which is why i am finding this site such a help. It does get better, while i don't feel great, i am a lot better six weeks on, but there are good and bad days, so just go with it and be kind to yourself.

As for your sis, well she just doesn't understand, I certainly didn't before it happened to me. On the other hand, she is probably (not unkindly) wrapped up in her own happiness-pending wedding etc. But, personally, this horrific experience has really hammered home to me that life is too short - I don't think you should put your life on hold for her wedding day and hen night!
When you are ready to try again, you should make that decision regardless. There is no guarantee when/how long you will take to get pregnant, and if you are on her wedding day, there are ways around it. Put yourselves first, things will work out xx

 

[nupu]

Hi freted

I agree so much with whyme. Life is too short to wait and when you feel ready you will know. If you are pregnant on your sisters wedding day, it would be a double celebration. Trust me, I put of trying for years for lots of different reasons, thinking things would just fall into place, but they didin't. Now I'm 38 with 4 mcs under my belt, wondering if this will ever happen and whether time will run out for us.

Go for it and be happy and true to yourselves and enjoy all that babydancing whilst trying!!

 

[whyme]

Hi Joey, so sorry for your loss - had MMC confirmed 8th Feb, devastated.

I feel as if I have really gone low in the last week or so, as had started to feel better in the week prior to this. I think I am ovulating as well this week.

One of the girls on here posted something that struck a chord with me: We had decided that we would TTC after first AF. Well AF has now been and gone -
1: that hammered home the fact that I am not pregnant anymore, it really is all over.
2: My "safety blanket" has been removed -I wasn't/chose not to be concerned with TTC for a while, now after AF we are effectively "free to start again" - don't know about you but I am bloody petrified! It's only been six weeks since it all happened....

Totally empathise with where you are coming from. I am forty - have a ds, who I conceived at 36, delivered at 37.

Take care xx

 

[QueenieMurphy]

Hi Joey

I haven't much to add to previous posts Hun but I just wanted to say 7 weeks is no time at all and the feelings you have are totally totally normal, My miscarriage was in Dec and I still have some very down days though I'm finding they are getting less - I'm 35 too and I think that pressure of doesn't help.

Really hope you get your bfp soon Hun xxxxxxxxx

 

[fredted]

Thanks girls i hope all works out well for you all sending big loves.
I hope i feel strong soon
you all talk alot of sense
xx