Struggling with my 10yo dd : (

[Narla83]

Hi Ladies,

I've never posted here before but Ive got to the point where I dont know what to do and how to deal with the situation and I suppose I was hoping to hear Im not alone.

Most of the time my dd is a lovely caring girl who loves horses and adores her younger brother but recently her mood swings are getting way too much for me to cope with. They mainly occur around bedtime so when shes a bit tierd and she'll refuse to go to bed these will esculate in her being quite violent to the point that Im scared she may throw something (may not be aimed at me) and hurt me (Im currently pregnant) and she screams as well, I cannot physically pick her up and I would never smack her to get my point across at all so what do I do. It can last for hours on end and Im at my wits end with what to do. We've spoken about whay this happens and she says she doesnt know that she just gets mad.

We have consisdered taking her to the doctors but Im not sure thats the right way to go.........

Please please any advice is welcome

 

[Narla83]

Hmmmm I guess I am on my own

 

[5-a-side]

I have a 10yo dd and know they are not the easiest creatures to deal with when they are tired and grumpy.
What is her bedtime routine like?
We have a set one and find that if anything disturbs it the trouble starts.
Its clear my dd is beginning to develop alot now and think hormones are playing a big part in things. It helps when I just spend time alone with her (without her sister, 5, step-bro/sis ,also 10, and my OH)

We do use the "if you chose to behave like this then x will be taken away or y wont be happening" maybe thats not the greatest advice but our dd needs to know that you cant behave disrespectfully and get what you want.

Is it half term where you are? Although it might be hard try and keep a routine (its good for everyone i think) and spend some time just talking to her.

I also brought two books, one called My Body and one called My Mind, they address the changes that they will face (and may be facing now) and might help her see some reasoning behind her behaviour and feelings. I gave them to dd to read when she felt ready, I soon found the quizzes filled in and some questions being asked.

Good luck, if you want to pick my brain just ask, maybe we'll find some solutions together. (oh just realised we're due around the same time)

 

[julietz]

Has she only just started to behave like this? has there been any other signs before, that she may be struggling with something, i had the same problem with my son, thought he would grow out of it, i ended up going to see a child psychologist and it turned out he has autism, his mood swings throw me sometimes, but now i understand it more i know how to deal with him and help him, never heard of the condition before so i didnt know, he had trouble keeping friends at school, random an not able to hold a conversation etc, i can go on, could just be a phase she is going through.

 

[MustangGTgirl]

Lock her in her room? Send her to a scared straight program? I would do something ASAP before it gets worse and worse. I am all for the scared straight programs...will definitely be sending my kids if and when they ever start giving me hell. They need to know that they are not the boss of anything and that they will obey their parents at all costs.

 

[Narla83]

5-a-side: Yeah she has a routine, shes in bed by 8:30 then reads for 30 mins and lights out at 9. I tried taking things away, currently she id banned from going out to play and having friends around (hard in the hols) she horse rides once a week and has been banned from that before and also trick'or'treating but she can earn that back if shes helpfull. It doesnt seem to phase her when shes going off on one its only after that it has the desired effect

In the summer hols we had a girly day shopping which Id love to do more of its just hard with oh working hours and we're currently doing up a house to hopefully move in next week so every spare time we have is round there. She is quite sensitive and I have considered that this is effecting her to a certain degree (I mean if Im stressed about it then Im sure she is) but its not as if this behaviour has just started its esculated (sp) but its been going on for months. When we get in the house gonna make an effort to spend more time just me and her but I do worry b/c she is that much of a handfull.

She was an only child for the first 9 years of her life and the only child in the family so needless to say she got pretty spoiled and most things she wanted she got (although we couldnt strech to a pony) then Alfie came along and the roles in the house changed. She perhaps doesnt get as much as she used to but they get on like anything and idolise each other which is very cute.

I dont know I suppose Im looking everywhere for a reason for her behaviour but maybe thats just how she is with extra hormones running around her body. There expected to grow up so fast these days I just dont know. But if you do come up with a magic solution please let me know though and thanks for replying.

 

[v2007]

I have an 11 year old who doesn't have a temper but she is at times a little sod.

She has been grounded, had her ipod/wii taken off her.

It works.

If it was me i would sit and explain this behaviour is not on and that if it continues she will lose things that are very important to her ie, all her horseriding things.

If you are worried about her being violent then maybe the threat if the Police might help

V xxx

 

[Narla83]

Hmm havent thought to threaten with the police, that may have an effect. She does get worried that if we take her to the docs that she'll be taken into care though (not one me or oh has mentioned) think thats down to watching too much 'Tracy Beaker'.

Will bear it in mind for next time at the min shes as good as gold helping out with painting and with her brother its like a jeckle and hyde personality!!