Struggling with to BF or FF (x-posted)

[Biotechick829]

I'm due in November with our 3rd girl. I have a 3 year old and 1 year old and was able to BF them both for a year (well, in the case of the 1 year old, for 10 months, until this surprise pregnancy made my supply dry up).

BF has never been easy or truly enjoyable to me. I'm a high anxiety person and having latch issues, reflux and colicky babies, barely enough supply makes me dread BF again. I work full-time and would have to pump again. For both babies I would stress about pumping enough for next days bottles at daycare. I'd always have just enough. What compounds it more is how much BF consumes my time, especially when I have two other young DD's to look after. When our babies were hungry, my husband would always hand them to me and say "but she wants you," after I'd moan that I just needed time to myself.

I told myself that with #3 I'd BF as long as I was on maternity leave (8 weeks) to get some of the benefits of breast milk. Now that I'm thinking of siting in the hospital room after delivery or even at home with a chaotic home and fussy baby that only I can satiate makes my head spin. I fantasize about giving birth and then being able to occasionally sleep with the baby being bottle fed by nurses (with #2 I was so exhausted after delivery that I started to hallucinate), about going home and being able to share giving the feedings with my husband.

I know that as long as a baby is fed it makes no difference if a mom FF or BF, but I don't know why I have so much guilt about FF when I know BF is possible. I just don't know what to do, FF from the start or BF until 8 weeks (or even try to BF the 1st year).

Can anyone else relate or have advice? Thank god I have time to sort this out...

 

[noon_child]

Have you considered researching safe co-sleeping? You don't have to commit to doing it all the time, or forever, but just knowing it is an option and that you know how to do it safely might remove some of the panic about needing sleep.

I also don't know about the USA but here in the UK, if you choose to bottle feed no midwife/nurse is going to do it for you. You will still be expected to be awake every 2 hrs (or less if baby is fussing) in order to bottle feed. You would still be encouraged to bottle feed skin to skin and you would be encouraged not to let multiple people bottle feed the baby (just you and sometimes your partner, for the first few months) because babies have a natural instinct and attachment to their mothers - its not just the milk they want but your presence/smell/voice etc.

It is also possible to combi feed. You could plan to bf colostrum and then combi feed after that. This gives you the option to fully bf if it is going well (some babies are just easier I've heard!) but without the feeling like you have "failed" if you hand baby over to OH for a bottle in the evening. Of course there is the possibility that combi feeding could lead to fully FF, but seeing as you are considering that anyway, you won't have lost anything by trying.

Take each day as it comes. Don't make a strict plan, because that just leads to disappointment and feelings of failure. Just keep your options open and realise that changing your mind, in either direction, doesn't mean you've got it wrong, it just means you are getting to know what is right for you and LO.

Im an advocate for breastfeeding, I try to promote it in my communities and I train other mums in how to support women to breastfeed BUT I would never say "It's not OK to FF, you must BF" because that choice isn't mine to make. I believe in keeping women's options open, informing them of the pros and cons and then respecting their choices.

 

[OnErth&InHvn]

Your supply may very well be different this time as well as your experience. Sounds like you need La Leche League and/or a lactation consultant NOW and later! ( LLL is FREE).