struggling..

[born2bamama]

hey girls,
I'm having a really hard time today; my husband's best friend and his gf are having their baby any time now and I'm having a really hard time coming to terms with it. They didn't even start trying until a year after we started, and yet, here they are getting ready to have their precious baby. Since he's a best friend we will be going to the hospital and everything; I really don't know how I'm going to get through that. And buying a baby present.. I've been trying to act like they don't exist for 9 months, but now the time has come to face it and it's breaking me apart. I want to be happy for them, but it hurts so much that it's not us. They are the first ones in our age group having a baby, and as the ones who were married young, and wanted it forever, I always thought it would be us. Sorry for such a pointless post, I just needed to "talk" to someone who understands. If you guys have any tips on how to get through the hospital visit or a simple not-going-to-break-me apart gift to get that would be greatly appreciated too.

Thanks for listening

 

[Molae06]

It's hard enough seeing anyone pregnant, but when it's someone you know and someone close to you, it's so much harder, in my experience. My husbands best friend and his girlfriend have had 3 babies in less than the time me and dh have been trying to conceive. It's too the point where I can't stand them, I never go with dh to their house etc. I had a chemical pregnancy just about a year ago and dh had been so excited when I first got the BFP that he told 2 people, his dad and his best friend. Well, a week later when we found out the pregnancy wasn't working out, he called his best friend, who was drunk and right after telling him about the chemical, his friend said "Sorry to hear that man, didn't want to spoil your news last week, but my gf is expecting again! Enjoy being childless while you can, don't know how we'll support this one." I know it irritated dh to say the least but I was floored, how dare he announce that news on the worst day so far.

Anyway, sorry to go on and on but I never went with dh to see them in the hospital. But in my situation it's different, his best friend has never liked me though so I wouldn't have gone anyway. As far as other experiences I have been able to keep my feelings hid pretty well even though when I left I was dying on the inside. Its something about an interaction with a new baby...any baby for that matter that makes me put my differences aside and just indulge in what a miracle a new baby is. But like I said, afterwards I am dying...

 

[born2bamama]

Hey Molae.. thanks so much for replying. It means a lot just to know I'm not the only one avoiding people (I have literally only seen this girl 2 times in the last 9 months). We were never close friends but still we normally would see each other a couple times a month at least for games nights, etc with the boys. I like what you said about focusing on the baby, I think that is how I will manage to get through the hospital visit; I'm sure she will be such a precious little girl and I do love babies.. however this lttc thing has really affected how I feel when I'm around them, but yes I will try to focus on her and then let myself break down afterwards.
By the way I CAN'T BELEIVE he said that to your husband, no wonder you guys aren't friends, he sounds like a complete ass! That has to be one of the most insensitive things to say to someone at that time!

I will just have to suck it up and at least fake happiness on the hospital visit..somehow.. today I just can't stop crying..

 

[Molae06]

I actually used to work in a daycare and it became way to hard. I initially started working there because I felt this need to be around babies, so I started working in an infant room of a daycare. It became way too much and now, ironically, I manage a liquor and wine store...what a place for someone suffering from TTC depression to work.

I had a huge group of friends from the daycare and we hung out on a pretty much weekly basis, they knew all about my ttc and I never heard anything insensitive out of any of them. Then, one of them became pregnant just like that, trying on their first month after getting her IUD out. Bam, happy healthy 9 months to her, she is due in a couple months. I know they felt akward inviting me anywhere so I see them every 3 or 4 months for dinner, but usually "preggo" stays home. Which in turn kind of hurts my feelings because I have tried being nice and being "a part" of the pregnancy asking for weekly updates etc. But it's just not the same.

I wish you luck in being strong. It's going to be hard, but it's for a good cause.