:( such a shame

[Kayles1/8/08]

Just spoke to my friend who had a baby 2 weeks ago...doing it on her own like me..

she was really upset on the phone saying she can't cope and she just doesn't know what to do..
I feel really bad for her and its making me terrified to think of what i'm going to be like..

baby is forever crying for no reason and she's blaming herself for it..iv'e told her its not her fault and shes doing a great job..i feel really upset that she's getting upset and blaming herself when she's doing better than her best!!

Pisses me off that her mate she lives with is taking the piss..coming in steaming drunk slamming doors arguing down the phone with people..and says things like..why won't she stop crying and stop being an attention seeker..

annoyed!!!

 

[Serene123]

Maybe you could offer to help her out? Every little helps I guess

 

[AppleBlossom]

I agree, maybe you could help her out, then when you have your LO you can help each other out.

 

[Kayles1/8/08]

Yeah iv'e offered to go down and sit with her but she sayed her dads coming down about 2.30..and then her mum..so don't think she wants to talk about it infront of them..

her mum keeps saying u can't just cry when things get tough and uses the old.."i had 2 kids"..difference is her husband was there so she doesnt know how hard it is for my mate..
I feel terrible that she's feeling like she is and when she started to cry and blame herself i felt so helpless..
I told her to not be so proud and ask for the help she needs no one will judge or think any less just because she asked for help..

feeling really bad for her x

 

[tinytoes]

offer to go round another day. just watching the baby for half an hour while she has a shower might help. She should talk to her doctor. Keep an eye out in case it's post natal depression..

 

[AppleBlossom]

aww sounds like she is having a rough time, especially when you should be really enjoying a new baby. She shouldn't blame herself, it's hard for everyone even more so for those doing it alone. Can she not stay with her parents for a while? The person she lives with is obviously extremely disrespectful and if they were any kind of friend they'd be helping her out. Hope all works out for her in the end

 

[Kayles1/8/08]

yeah i went up all weekend last week but i know shes constantly got visitors and don't want her to feel like she has no time for just her and connie!
might just give her a phone back n ask if she wants to come out tommorow i'll go up to hers early and she can go get ready sort herself out while i watch connie...she's only been out 2 times since having her 2 weeks ago because she said its such a massive effort to get out the house..so maybe that would help..x

 

[Emmea12uk]

Take her out - go for walks in the park with baby and her. Just being there will be a huge help and comfort to her. The more she is out and about the better she should feel. PLus baby should be occupied by all the sights and sounds.

It isnt easy dealing with a baby that cries all the time and i feel sorry for her. But she must be doing a good job!

 

[Kayles1/8/08]

pretty shit though because when people are up for an hour or 2 connie seems perfect baby just sleeping..but they don't realise my mate has her24/7 and sees everything..

gave her a text anyways..fingers crossed shes up for going out x

 

[greenkat]

Are there any like 'new baby' groups or 'mother and baby' groups she can join? I know you said she finds it difficult getting out the house but maybe it'd help to meet others that have gone through the same things and can give tips.

 

[Emmea12uk]

Maybe baby is crying because he senses her distress and that is why he/she is good when other people are around??

 

[Ragirl]

I agree with what everyone has said. You may also want to try and put it in perspective for her- it's only been two weeks, her hormones are still all kinds of screwy, so she's bound to feel overwhelmed even in the best of circumstances. But things will improve as her body starts to settle down a bit- she will feel better able to cope with all the problems.

 

[tinytoes]

maybe she has too many visitors?! Its another option. Is she busy trying to appear as the perfect mum? I know I wont want hundreds of visitors in the first weeks. I'm fully expecting to be an emotional exhausted wreck, without needing to be making teas and offering biscuits and having small talk all the time. With us it'll be best friends and family only. and even family are waiting a few days.

 

[Rachel]

It could be because she's got too many visitors. I know after I had Nathan people came around and I just wanted to be left alone so that when Nathan was sleeping I could get on with doing things I wanted or sleeping and not having to entertain visitors. In the end I had to tell them to go and that I would tell them when it was ok to come around. Maybe if she's feeling up to it then she could take baby to their house instead so they can still see baby but it get's her out of the house and somewere different?

Going out with her for the day will be good for her and baby. Baby might be more settled when out and in the pushchair and it gives your mate time out of the house then

 

[Kayles1/8/08]

Down my area there isn't really much going on like that to be honest..(mother baby groups)
To be honest i think i told her what she needed to hear today that shes doing a good job and shes a good mum...don't think anyones actually told her that

yeah people are turning up her house every single day unexpectidly! Really do think she needs to get out the house though!

x

 

[tinytoes]

yeah people are turning up her house every single day unexpectidly! Really do think she needs to get out the house though!

x

that'd drive me mad - they should at least call first!!

Tell her to tell them to call next time. Time to get rude with people if needs be.

 

[nikky0907]

Has anyone considered post-partum depression? I mean,it could be that she is in a lot of stress,having a baby is very overwhelming and she's alone,people are telling her what to do,she doesn't have much real support,andthe baby feels it so he's crying.
But maybe the problem is a bit deeper...

 

[BeckyBoo]

I have to say you're being a fantastic friend. Even if you can't go to hers, try and phone her once a day. I'm sure she's so glad to hear from you.