Suddenly no childcare for labour - what do i do now?

[GersPrincess]

I am literally stressed beyond all belief right now, and I really hope someone has an idea for me. I just can't see any options now.

I have incredibly fast labours, and as I live 30 mins from the hospital, I was originally meant to be induced. This was to make sure that I would not only get to hospital in time, but to give me enough time to have my other 3 children looked after. All my family live in Sussex, my husband works in Germany and I have no friends close enough to help.

Plan was, as soon as date was given, my Mum would shut her shop and fly up and spend a week with us. Then if hubby was in the country, that's a bonus, if not, kids are well looked after, and I've got a bit of support for when I get home.

Back up plan was, if hubby was here and I went into labour before induction, he'd stay with kids. If je wasn't, I'd call up the inlaws and they'd come and watch them.

Firstly, I get told induction is now considered too risky, in case my uterus is hyper stimulated. Consultant didn't care about who would look after kids etc, just told me it wouldn't be happening.
So Mum decides just to fly up a couple of days before I'm due for a few days just in case.

Then, hubby tells me his job in Germany won't have him home until the day before I'm due, and that not only that, he isn't getting paternity leave because his boss has no idea I'm even pregnant, and that he can't take holiday as the whole company is banned from taking them during the busy summer period. (I can't even express how livid I am at this news!!)

So I text his mum to ask whether she'd still be happy to watch the kids if I went into labour alone, and she said that her and fil want no part of this, they aren't free childcare and they both have jobs so its too difficult.

Then my mum rings to say she can't come up as planned, she has something wrong with her gall bladder and she's having it removed on the 27th may!

So now I literally have nobody to help. My neighbours keep themselves to themselves, despite living here for 3 yrs we've barely said a word, so there is no way I'd entrust my children to them.

So what do I do now? Other than going into labour at home alone with 3 children I can't see any options at all.

Please help if you have any ideas xx

 

[leahsbabybump]

surely your husband can tell his boss that you are pregnant then the law says that he is entitled to 2 weeks paid paternity leave therefore he could have the week upuntil your due date off and the week after i know you may go into labour outside these dates but chances are you probs wont so you should be covered. My OH is doing something similar so we know for definate he will be around when i go into labour as he works a while away :-/
sorry if was no help but its an idea :-/

 

[mumoffive]

Can you opt for a homebirth?

 

[mumoffive]

What about other members of your family. Is there anyone that you could ask to come up and stay for a while? Sisters? Brothers? someone to hold the fort?

 

[JFS]

I'm so sorry you have to deal with that. What a lot of stress!
Is there any chance you could hire someone to stay with the kids? Also, I'm not quite sure why your husband can't get the time off to be with you during labor. I think I'd threaten to haul the kids and myself to his workplace and wait for labor to start there.

 

[GersPrincess]

I had thought he'd given his boss the correct notice that he intended to take paternity leave! I filled in the forms myself when I was 23 weeks pregnant. He only told me tonight, and is leaving for Germany on sunday, so even if he could inform his boss, it wouldn't be until after he'd left to go abroad. Then he's back the day before I'm due.

As for homebirth, I have a high bmi (no problems at all whatsoever though with any pregnancy) so was told this is a definate no. Which is a shame, as this would've been my first choice all along.

I've been through other family and there just isn't anyone. My sister has a son just started school and a newborn, my brother is on a gap year somewhere in Eastern Europe, my dad and I don't speak, my Nan is my Grandad's carer and can't leave him, everyone else is too busy with work, children etc to be able to help

 

[GersPrincess]

JFS - I like your thinking, I really do. I have however come to the conclusion that the only reason his boss doesn't know, and hasn't been given any time to find someone to replace my hubby on this coming trip is solely because my hubby didn't want him to know, and didn't want to be replaced. I don't care what his reasoning for this is, he has absolutely burnt all bridges with me tonight now,

Hiring someone could be an option. Is it something that a childminder would consider does anyone know? They would at least be CRB checked wouldn't they?

 

[teeny-j]

i'd come and do it for you han, but i think i might be a bit busy with a new born myself.
what about any mums from school? are you friendly with any of them?
and i would so be battering james if i were you. up the duff or not!!

 

[GersPrincess]

It is taking all my energy right now not to hunt him down and kick the crap out of him.. Believe me! I never knew anger like this existed.

I don't really know any mums from school. Because our village doesn't have one, they get the school bus to school a few miles away, so I've never had the chance to meet any parents really. The only ones who wait at the bus stop are primary 1-3 parents and Joe and Jess don't even speak to such "mini peeps".

I've totally shot myself in the foot moving so far from my family!

Thank you for your offer though teeny. It is much appreciated xxx

 

[soootired]

Do you have sure start centers in your area? Maybee pop in there and ask for advice. they may have childminder they can recomend, or at least a freindly mum that could help out?

 

[PinkP]

What about a babysitter/childminder?

 

[mrswilsey]

can you call your hospital and ask if they can assist with childcare as you have no other options? maybe they can hang with volunteer staff or something?

 

[Parkep]

hey hun i would look for an online nanny service! Some do short notice etc (they do here anyways) I dont know if you have craigslist over there but something like that might be an option too.....

 

[Parkep]

oh and PS im mad at your husband too!!! lol

 

[aussiettc]

i had the same problem when i had my 3rd child.
We lived interstate and no family could/would come and help us out.
In the end we hired a babysitter ($15 AU an hour for 6 hours) to watch the kids. It worked for us and if you explain the situation you can usually meet them before hand to get to know them a little. it actually worked out better to hire someone so then you didn't have family worries and weren't thinking oh i hope this is quick cause i've gotta get home soon to the kids ect ect.

 

[DaisyDoodles]

You should be able to find a sympathetic childminder, the only problem with that is that most aren't registered to provide overnight care so unless she was prepared to care for them in your own house (or bend the rules!) you'd still be stuck if you went into labour during the night!!

Would it be possible for you to go and stay with your mum? I know it would mean giving birth in a hospital you weren't familiar with and taking your older kids out of school, but at least you would have the knowledge that they're being taken care of!

 

[tjw]

I see you're in Scotland hon. Here in the UK they can discourage you from having a home birth but they cannot actually stop you from having one if that's what you want and they certainly cannot refuse due to high bmi. The only way it can be refused is if you have major complications during the pregnancy or during previous birthings.

HTH xx

PS: If my oh didn't hand in those forms at the right time and hid my pregnancy from his boss and would lose out on paternity leave because of it he'd be in serious doggy doo doos!!!!

 

[kmumtobe]

Visit www.emergencychildcare.co.uk x

 

[alasia]

I'm in the same boat.

I'm single so haven't got a partner to worry about, but my mum has just decided to go off on one and say she never wants to see me again (long story but she definitely means it).

I was planning a homebirth anyway, but having a 4yr old and 2.5yr old I'm worried I'll end up being transferred to hospital, or going into labour before 37 weeks - or something else that will mean I can't have a homebirth, and then my only option will be take the kids with me and really put my foot down that they will have to stay with me and I'm not kept in overnight.

 

[Chocciebutton]

I have got similar scenario and its making me ill! I know how you feel.