Suggestions? Having a hard time...

[Madilyn68]

I'm having a really tough time here. When I had my little girl Otti, I was SO determined to breastfeed her till she was a year old, at which point I would be heading back to work anyway. Almost 10 months later, though, reality kicks in. My job where I worked was no longer available (they were forced to cut way back), so I had to apply for a job at a different location (not a big deal, it's still the US Forest Service, just different location). BUT there's no guarantee they will have a spot for me either. When I heard that I couldn't decide if I wanted to keep breastfeeding her even longer than a year, if I wasn't going to be able to work the summer. I don't have the option to pump at work - we are gone around 85 days out of the summer anywhere in the US, could be spiking out in the middle of nowhere working 16 hour days. So it's just not a reality for me.
ANOTHER thing is she has four full-fledged teeth now, and she'll sometimes fall asleep and clamp down in her sleep. It HURTS. A long time ago I taught her not to bite on purpose but she does it once she falls asleep...
She has recently been biting while nursing awake as well. In the past day. Just this morning she bit a hole in the nipple. Now I really feel like being done. I just want to cry!
I know it's not a good habit but I still feed her to sleep every night and a lot of her naps. I feel confident that I could get her off nursing to sleep during the day, but I don't know how I could end that at night without her being up for hours screaming.
She has a very healthy solids appetite, but she definitely loves her boobs.
I'm just kinda at a loss of what to do. I want to do what is absolutely best for her, but as little as she drink, she just loves nursing so I don't think she would ever self-wean. And she would never take a binki. If I do get rehired I'd go back around the 1st of June... which is coming up quick if I need to figure out a plan for weaning...

 

[noon_child]

It sounds like you aren't really sure what you want. You thought the decision wasn't yours to make, so you didn't have to feel guilty about continuing or not continuing because the choice was taken away from you. Now the decision is back in your court and you've got all these different pressures about what is best and easiest for you, best for your daughter etc. etc.

Regarding having a plan for weaning - some have one, other just see what happens.
It sounds like you want to start weaning as you think it would be easier on your daughter to be less dependant on you when you have to be away for 16hrs. I think I'd be worried about how my LO would comfort herself too in your shoes. However an alternative view is that if she were still feeding, is there a better way to reconnect after 16hrs away than nursing? Remember she is going to be 14 months in June - so much can change between 10 and 14months (my daughter had gone from 6 to 3 feeds in that time)

I think there are a few questions to ask:
How would you feel if a job DIDNT come up and you had weaned her?
Who is taking care of her while you are away and how much do you trust that they will find other ways to comfort her when you are gone (an important question whether you are feeding her or not as she will still miss you)?
If she wasn't biting you, would you still be considering weaning (i.e if she suddenly stops biting would you love nursing again)?

Not saying that the answers to these questions will give you an immediate plan, but they may help you better know what your true feelings,priorities and worries are.

The important thing during any transition (whether that be weaning from the breast or going back to work) is to work out how you can best continue to show your child love. This will make the transition smoother and not a cause for as much anxiety - teaching your child that things have to change but that it isn't a bad thing.

 

[Madilyn68]

Thank you so much for helping me organize my thoughts.

You're sooo right, I have no idea what I want. I would love more than anything to stay home with my girl but I would also be aching inside knowing I'm likely never going back again. I love my job. On the other hand if I did get the job I would be aching for spending time with and raising my child over the summer.

I want to clarify - I can't continue breastfeeding at all if I get the job, no feedings. I won't just be gone for 16 hours, I'd be working 16 hour days and gone for up to 14 or 21 days. Which breaks my heart to be away from my girl for possibly up to 3 weeks at a time, but our situation calls for it and we really need me to work.

If I didn't get the job and I had weaned her... I honestly don't think I would be too sad about it. I enjoyed breastfeeding so much for the first 6(ish) months, then she began to get really squirmy and fussy and biting.... it just hasn't been the most pleasant experience over the past 3 months. Mostly, I would just feel guilty for weaning her before a year which was originally my goal. And worried that I wasn't giving her the absolute best.

If I get the job... While I'm away my husband will have her on his days off and while he is working she would be with my parents. Which is actually the only place I would leave her for work - daycare is just not for me. They are amazing, and she has spent all her life very close to them.

If she quit biting.... It's still not a very pleasant experience... it's just been kind of rough lately! I feel bad because so many moms are so in love with breastfeeding and crying about stopping and I'm over here wondering what on earth went wrong on my end.

Thank you again so much for your helpful reply!

 

[happynewmom1]

Please don't feel badly. For the past 4ish months I have not enjoyed breastfeeding at all. I'm not sure why.. She is very squirmy but doesn't bite often. It just irritates me it's so often and it means sitting down, putting her in the carrier or trying to hold her and do what I need to one handed. Which at this age is really too hard. I actually want to wean her but she's so attached my problem is figuring out how to do it gently and like you, I do feel guilty but she's past 1. So not much help I'm afraid but your daughter will be just fine being weaned now or later so try not to feel guilty! I thought by the time our dd was 1, I'd feel less guilty about it since it was also my goal but it didn't work that way, sadly lol

Good luck on the job! no matter when you wean her at this point remember you did an amazing thing for her going as long as you did!

 

[Madilyn68]

Thanks so much for that!! The more I read the more sure I became that I was literally the only mom out there who doesn't feel like breastfeeding for years. I would love to, for the benefits, but the chemistry between us is just so off! Otti doesn't usually bite that often, it's just been recently. Even through her four teeth she never bit. Now she has an eye tooth coming in so I am wondering if that's her problem. Even still she's so squirmy like you're dealing with, and pinching me and scratching and slapping. She's great when she's not breastfeeding she only does it then. I don't get it. She loves to nurse for comfort, so it's been hard because I don't really know how to wean her. Yesterday we made it all day without a feeding then I nursed her to sleep like usual around 8. I'm hoping that can continue, maybe 1 feeding during the day till I dry up a little more...
I would probably do the same thing at 1 and be feeling guilty that I was weaning her that "early".

 

[happynewmom1]

Thanks so much for that!! The more I read the more sure I became that I was literally the only mom out there who doesn't feel like breastfeeding for years. I would love to, for the benefits, but the chemistry between us is just so off! Otti doesn't usually bite that often, it's just been recently. Even through her four teeth she never bit. Now she has an eye tooth coming in so I am wondering if that's her problem. Even still she's so squirmy like you're dealing with, and pinching me and scratching and slapping. She's great when she's not breastfeeding she only does it then. I don't get it. She loves to nurse for comfort, so it's been hard because I don't really know how to wean her. Yesterday we made it all day without a feeding then I nursed her to sleep like usual around 8. I'm hoping that can continue, maybe 1 feeding during the day till I dry up a little more...
I would probably do the same thing at 1 and be feeling guilty that I was weaning her that "early".

No way.. I loved breastfeeding my son but he was a snuggler. I don't remember the squirmy hitting and smacking and scratching from him. Or the whole putting their fingers in my mouth while nursing lol but with both of our girls.. It's like gymnastics while eating or trying to walk off and keep nursing it's so irritating haha and same here.. Only like that when nursing. I guess they need something to do while eating.. Maybe they are just easily bored or distracted. I don't know lol

That sounds like major progress to only have 1 feeding in a day!!! Seriously!! I'm still figuring out how I want to do this. She cries and pulls at my shirt if I try to distract her or give her anything different. Teething isn't helping lol

I hope you are able to get her weaned without trouble now!

 

[Madilyn68]

Haha Yep the fingers in the mouth is so annoying! Or in the eyeball if you're not careful. She's always scratching at my teeth and gums. She weighs 18 pounds and is in the 98th percentile for height so it's really hard to walk around and get things done like I used to while she eats. Not to mention tries to grab everything, which is a problem when I'm trying to cook dinner.

YES, the 1 feeding yesterday was amazing. I'm trying it again today and so far it's noon here and she is still going strong! Had a little bit of a tough time going to sleep for her nap but it worked! I have a feeling my luck won't last too long...... But I can hope.

 

[happynewmom1]

Haha Yep the fingers in the mouth is so annoying! Or in the eyeball if you're not careful. She's always scratching at my teeth and gums. She weighs 18 pounds and is in the 98th percentile for height so it's really hard to walk around and get things done like I used to while she eats. Not to mention tries to grab everything, which is a problem when I'm trying to cook dinner.

YES, the 1 feeding yesterday was amazing. I'm trying it again today and so far it's noon here and she is still going strong! Had a little bit of a tough time going to sleep for her nap but it worked! I have a feeling my luck won't last too long...... But I can hope.

Oh my word.. The eyeball.. Yes. I usually feel pretty beaten up by the end of the day lol

Yay!! Just stay consistent and keep doing what you're doing! I weaned our first two cold turkey. They stayed with their grandparents for a couple days and when they came back, I didn't nurse them and they did really well with that so you never know....she may just be OK with the one feeding now.

Aliya is now 22 lbs.. I can't remember her height now. I'll have to look it up but she's a shorty haha

Oh I also noticed after I weaned the other kids they started sleep settling themselves so I'm really hoping it happens again. She's very dependent on nursing when it comes to sleep right now. Anyway.. You are doing great! And it sounds like she is too

 

[noon_child]

Thanks so much for that!! The more I read the more sure I became that I was literally the only mom out there who doesn't feel like breastfeeding for years. I would love to, for the benefits, but the chemistry between us is just so off! Otti doesn't usually bite that often, it's just been recently. Even through her four teeth she never bit. Now she has an eye tooth coming in so I am wondering if that's her problem. Even still she's so squirmy like you're dealing with, and pinching me and scratching and slapping. She's great when she's not breastfeeding she only does it then. I don't get it. She loves to nurse for comfort, so it's been hard because I don't really know how to wean her. Yesterday we made it all day without a feeding then I nursed her to sleep like usual around 8. I'm hoping that can continue, maybe 1 feeding during the day till I dry up a little more...
I would probably do the same thing at 1 and be feeling guilty that I was weaning her that "early".

Each breastfeeding relationship is different. I loved nursing my daughter when she was a toddler but that's because she never squirmed or pulled at my face! At fiddly stages I'd put on a necklace and she'd use that, so it was quite low level. You are dealing with something much less relaxing.

There's no magic switch at 1year, you are right, so as long as LO is happy to eat a wide variety of foods and is content to drop feeds(which she sounds like she is) and you feel happy, then there is nothing to feel guilty about. If you are not using one you might want to consider a vitamin supplement just because the volume of food you need to get all your nutrients is bigger than that of milk/formula which babies can't always manage. Or you could try formula from a cup along with her snack time.

 

[Madilyn68]

Oh my word.. The eyeball.. Yes. I usually feel pretty beaten up by the end of the day lol

Yay!! Just stay consistent and keep doing what you're doing! I weaned our first two cold turkey. They stayed with their grandparents for a couple days and when they came back, I didn't nurse them and they did really well with that so you never know....she may just be OK with the one feeding now.

Aliya is now 22 lbs.. I can't remember her height now. I'll have to look it up but she's a shorty haha

Oh I also noticed after I weaned the other kids they started sleep settling themselves so I'm really hoping it happens again. She's very dependent on nursing when it comes to sleep right now. Anyway.. You are doing great! And it sounds like she is too

That's really good to hear about the sleep settling! Otti is also very dependent on nursing to sleep, mainly at night. Before I went through that first "weaned" day, she had probably only fallen asleep in my arms (not counting grandparents) maybe 5 times TOPS for any nap.
She has definitely been doing better since we stopped the daytime feeds. She has had to nurse a couple times over the past few days but is doing good for the most part. She's sick now though so that doesn't help.

 

[happynewmom1]

Oh my word.. The eyeball.. Yes. I usually feel pretty beaten up by the end of the day lol

Yay!! Just stay consistent and keep doing what you're doing! I weaned our first two cold turkey. They stayed with their grandparents for a couple days and when they came back, I didn't nurse them and they did really well with that so you never know....she may just be OK with the one feeding now.

Aliya is now 22 lbs.. I can't remember her height now. I'll have to look it up but she's a shorty haha

Oh I also noticed after I weaned the other kids they started sleep settling themselves so I'm really hoping it happens again. She's very dependent on nursing when it comes to sleep right now. Anyway.. You are doing great! And it sounds like she is too

That's really good to hear about the sleep settling! Otti is also very dependent on nursing to sleep, mainly at night. Before I went through that first "weaned" day, she had probably only fallen asleep in my arms (not counting grandparents) maybe 5 times TOPS for any nap.
She has definitely been doing better since we stopped the daytime feeds. She has had to nurse a couple times over the past few days but is doing good for the most part. She's sick now though so that doesn't help.

Oh I hope she feels better soon! something has been going around here too. It's been setting us back on the weaning process but we will get there eventually. Hopefully after sickness passes we both can get back to it.

 

[Madilyn68]

Each breastfeeding relationship is different. I loved nursing my daughter when she was a toddler but that's because she never squirmed or pulled at my face! At fiddly stages I'd put on a necklace and she'd use that, so it was quite low level. You are dealing with something much less relaxing.

There's no magic switch at 1year, you are right, so as long as LO is happy to eat a wide variety of foods and is content to drop feeds(which she sounds like she is) and you feel happy, then there is nothing to feel guilty about. If you are not using one you might want to consider a vitamin supplement just because the volume of food you need to get all your nutrients is bigger than that of milk/formula which babies can't always manage. Or you could try formula from a cup along with her snack time.

That's a good point about the vitamins! I didn't think about that. When I talked to my doctor about it she never mentioned anything. SHe's on vitamin d but that's different. Thanks for bringing that up!

Yeah... I wish the necklace worked for me! I've tried giving her things to play with when she's nursing and she still attacks me lol. It's bad. If she had a necklace she'd just grab it and smash it against my chest. There's not a thing relaxing about our daytime feedings. Nights are a lot easier because she's sleepy and a lot more calm.