suicidal thoughts and pregnant?

[Iwant2beamum]

am i the only person feeling this? i feel like a terrible person! i must be terrible. im 6 weeks today. seeing counsellor tomorrow. struggling to stay safe. thinking bad things that i wud do now or end my life after my babys born so they are left behind for my mum and partner so they can have something even though theyve lost me.

 

[maryanne1987]

Is there no one you can speak to right now rather than waiting till tomorrow. I'm sure you know this but you urgently need to discuss your feelings with someone. Even a partner, or family? Anyone really rather than just trying to deal with this alone. Samaritans are great if you just need someone to discuss your feelings with without judgement. Who ever you chose to turn to I really hope it helps.

 

[Ameli]

Pregnancy hormones are powerful. I'm sorry you're feeling so low. I agree with the pp and hope you find someone to support you through this.

 

[Iwant2beamum]

i have kinda told my partner. cant call samartans while hes here. too scared to actually use the words to say how i feel coz i will not be able to control my sadness so im burying it down atm. maybe counselling tomorrow will help. its at 1pm. all i have to do is get thru 14 hours. i have no job. signed off sick but no benefits. no money for food. minimal food in. just want to go to sleep and not wake up. if i cud do it and it wudnt hurt and wud definitey work id do it. i am not fit to be a mother.

 

[Iwant2beamum]

hormones defo making worse. being able to speak here is one thing at least thank god x

 

[maryanne1987]

Yes you are and just remember the situation you are in at the moment will not last for ever. Firstly get yourself to your councillor and talk through your feelings. Secondly Id get yourself to your local cab. They have wonderful advisers there who can help with benifits and help get you sorted. Also look at local food banks, they will defo be able to help you. I'm sure you can sort everything. Feel free to pm me if you need to talk hun.

 

[Ameli]

I'm so sorry, but you aren't alone. Please hold off on any harmful actions until you can speak with someone. Try hard to remember good times and please know these feelings are just temporary and there can be good, even amazing times ahead. Big hugs to you!!

 

[Iwant2beamum]

trying guys. thanku. ill post tomorrow. going to lie down. wish u all the health and happiness x

 

[Peanutt]

Please have someone stay with you and keep you safe until your counciling appointment.
You are not an unfit mother because you are looking for help. I've been through some very rough stuff too in my life and trust me, everything will work out. Just hang in there, okay?
Call someone to come over right now and stay with you. They don't need to talk to you about things. They're just there to help make sure you won't hurt yourself.

 

[MissMaggieMay]

How are you doing today Iwant2beamum?

 

[maryanne1987]

Hope your ok and feeling a little better.

 

[Ameli]

Yes, I just wanted to check on you today too.

 

[Tink_]

I hope you are okay lovely.

x

 

[Elsmummy24]

Hey, I hope you're feeling a bit better. Don't think you're not fit to be a mum because you are otherwise you wouldn't be having a beautiful bean.
If you ever want to talk you can alway PM me. I've battled with depression for years now,I struggled on through my last pregnancy and i feel it slowly starting to hit me in this pregnancy. I often cry to OH telling him I'm Not good enough and don't know if I can cope with 2. But then I watch my little boy play and I realise that I can do it. Just like you can. Please don't lose hope!

 

[nibog]

Just remember hun....NOTHING you are going through is permanent...no stress, problem, situation, etc is going to last. But losing your life will.

It will not just be you affected, but everyone around you who loves you will lose a part of their lives in losing you.

I hope you are able to find some help and get through this awful yet TEMPORARY darkness in your life.

Huge hugs hun...always vent on here if you need an outlet - there are plenty of eyes/ears willing to help.

 

[Iwant2beamum]

i disappeared for a little bit to help get my head together. im not suicidal now which is amazing. coming on here and reading these messages left in my absence has warmed my heart. Ive been finding pregnancy quite lonely but i come on here and instantly im not as alone. thank you for all being there. you all have helped tremendously by just knowing you are here. started seeing my counsellor and she is lovely. Getting benefits in place too so i dont have to rush back to work. also went for an early scan yesterday showing a fierce little heartbeat. that was comforting. experiencing quite a bit of distance from my partner at the moment but thinking its just a lull and will improve. trying to stay positive and motivated as much as i can.

how is everyone else?

thanku again xxx

 

[maryanne1987]

So so glad to read your update! I'm glad your feeling better and that your situation is improving. Also glad your little one is doing well. There are so many lovely ladies here that will always talk and chat if you feel low, never feel Embarresed to reach out to people as so many people have been in a similar situation. I'm sure things will improve with your partner, maybe it's just due to the stressful situation you have been in. And all relationships have ups and downs. Try not to let it worry you and focus on getting yourself feeling better

 

[lilmisscaviar]

I was stalking this post for a while and wanted to let you know that I'm happy to hear you're doing better!

Pregnancy hormones do make us be very emotional, to think or do wonky things... believe me, I know, my OH is always telling me this

 

[Ameli]

I'm so happy to read your update! You sound like you're in a much better place now. Pregnancy hormones are no joke. I've just been exhausted but otherwise, just coping and wishing 2nd trimester would hurry up.