Support Needed - he ran off on monday!

[scared1]

Hi

I don't know if any of you have read my post on the 1st Trimester board, but i just found this forum and i thought you ladies might be fountains of knowledge some of being further on than myself!

Basically i'm 27, i have my own property and i am temping. Was living with my BF of almost 2 years, who has a son of 6 living the other end of the country. our relationship hit a rocky patch and then i discovered i was pregnant.

He demanded an abortion because he couldn't do it, he couldn't afford it and if i kept the baby there would be no contact, no money nothing from him. i was in so much shock i just floated about fin floods of tears for a week while he basically took me to the clinic sorted out and abortion - telling the advisor i couldn't cope mentally with a baby (!) and we started rowing i couldn't look at him he thought i was making a fuss over nothing - i would take a pill and it would all go away - never mind the mental scar!

He disappear down to his son for the weekend and i heard nothing, i then came back from work monday just gone to find he had cleared his things and left, no note, no text nothing - wouldn't answer my calls.

So i am going it alone and i am petrified!

I have these questions (for a start!!)

1. i know i will be entitled to Maternity allowance as i am not perm employed anywhere i temp - but is there any other benefits i could claim while on maternity leave?

2. I have a mortgage and i desperatley want to keep my home - can i get help with it?

3. if i go for CSA payments i guess he will have rights?

and the biggest one:

HOW DID YOU TELL YOUR PARENTS?

they already think he was treating me badly, and that we moved in to quick (we have been living together for 9 months), mum has a massive opinion on single mothers and I can see her exploding all over the kitchen when i tell them - how did you do it? what did you say? i thought i'd tell them i was pregnant first and then tell them he's run off and let me to deflect the anger

 

[x-amy-x]

Congratulations on your pregnancy hun. Sorry that the father has been a complete dick. You're amazing for making the decision to do it on your own. I dont know how I would cope on my own. I am here if you ever need to chat.

www.direct.gov.uk gives lots of advice about benefits and such. You will be able to get Maternity Allowance but i would also make a trip to CAB to see about getting assistance with your mortgage payments. You will also receive Child Benefits and Tax Credits

 

[Ju_bubbs]

I'm pretty sure that housing benefit help with mortgage payments aswell as rent, as said above, if you visit CAB they will be able to tell you everything you're intitled to and how to go about getting it.

Congratulations on your pregnancy, I know what a super hard decision it is to decide to have a baby on your own, I had to make it with my last LO. Believe me, all the hard work you put in is certainly worthwhile!

As for your parents, I know how you feel there too... I had to tell mine I was pregnant at 15, and they absolutely hated my bf and thought he was useless, but they were surprisingly supportive once it sunk in and we talked about it. You're their daughter, and I'm sure they'll love and support you no matter what, even if it is a shock to them at first... its their grand child you're carrying!

 

[carries]

I am pretty sure that income support will make the interest payments on your mortgage (to a limit) if you have been abandoned by your partner (which clearly you have!). You will also be entitled to maternity allowance (this will be counted as income though and will affect the amount of income support you can get), child tax credit and child benefit.

Link for maternity allowance https://www.direct.gov.uk/en/MoneyT...ort/Expectingorbringingupchildren/DG_10018869

link for tax credits
https://www.direct.gov.uk/en/MoneyTaxAndBenefits/TaxCreditsandChildBenefit/TaxCredits/DG_073802

link for income support
https://www.direct.gov.uk/en/MoneyT...tsAndOtherSupport/On_a_low_income/DG_10018708

Now, maintenence...make the sly little bugger pay what he owes!!! This will be 15% of his net income (although its 20% for 2 children so you may only get 10% and his ex partner gets 10%). The ONLY way he gets automatic rights in England is to be named onthe birth certificate. There was a post floating about women being forced to name the father...i was under the impression this was still being considered in parliament so hopefully wont affect you. Even if it does, being named ont he birth certificate and getting parental rights really doesnt mean much practically. It would mean that if he wanted to he would need to be considered in major life decisions but to behonest in my expereince people fear this far too much. Most of the time you just get on with it and there is very little he can do to interfere.

If you want to chat hun PM me but please remember you are doing a wonderful thing and im sure your baby will be greatly loved!

 

[nightkd]

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

Your partner is clearly being very selfish and I admire the fact that you made your decision to keep the baby despite what he wanted.

CSA is a bit crap, so you really need to be willing to push them into squeezing the money out of the father. He deserves to know that he WILL have to pay maintence towards your baby, and he can't just dip out of the responsibilities.

I wasn't sure if you HAD to name the father on the birthday certificate in order to claim maintenence money...I'm sure someone knows better than me.

 

[starbucks101]

Hiya,
Firstly Congratulations on your pregnancy!!

Secondly Housing Benefit will pay the interest on your mortgage but not actually the repayments, so you willl need to try and talk to your mortgage company.

Get yourself down to the Local CAB as they know all this, and the people that work of them are lovely.

Im not sure about benefits but CAB will know.

Thirdly about your mum and dad i think what you said is the best option but the only problem is, are you 100% sure you dont want him back? because if you deflect the blame to him (although rightly so!) then your going to make it very difficult for yourself if your parents absolutly hate him!

Oh and also child maintenece has nothing to do with contact.

 

[Freya]

Hiya - o my god what a total prick of a guy to react like that!!! But brilliant news about your pregnancy!!

Lots of advice has already been given regarding benefits, I have a feeling housing benefit wouldn't be offered for mortgage payments.... but perhaps someone around here knows more? One suggestion could be to rent out your property in the short term, and move in with family temporarilly? Then move back into your place if you decide to return to work?

Job - hmmm, are there any permanent jobs going that you fancy applying for? Of course.... not advertising the fact you are pregnant right away...... you may be a little better off financially, plus you will have a job to return to (if you wanted).

Parental responsibility, as far as I'm aware he wont have it if he's not named on the birth certificate.

From what little I know about CSA, him NOT being on the birth certificate shouldn't affect your CSA application.

You'll be just fine chick, I reckon your family will support you when you tell them, they'll probably feel very sad you're going through this xxxxx

 

[1angel]

Congrats on your Pregnancy.

Its a magical thing, and you should be proud of yourself for doing what you believed was right and sticking up to a man that clearly does not deserve to be a parent.

I was in the same boat as you are now, i was pregnant and i told my ex and screamed, shouted, kicked his feet and acted like a 3 year old. he said there would be, no money, no contact nothing at all. Now he has £180.00 (i think its 10% or 15% of his yearly income) taken directly out of his wages by the csa because he cant be trusted to pay. You would need to contact the CSA and give them any details you can on him so that they can trace him through his job and things like that. If he does not sign the birth certificate then you can still claim with CSA but if he says he is not the father (as my ex did) he will be told and give a list of places where a DNA test will need to be done. Once a DNA test has been done if its needed by him playing up, they will start taking money off him, direct out of his wages if needs be.

Well with my parents ( i live at home) i just came out and told them crying and saying how sorry i was. They were not angry as such they were more suprised, and after a day or two they were happy and becoming very excited, i even had my mum come to my scans and she was even there when my son was born and cut his cord.
You paretns love you and may be angry at first but will come around.

Let me know if you need anything or any more advise with CSA

take care xx