support or no support?????????

[momtoparker]

I need some advice please.
Ok so i am pregnant and the father has not called or emailed or anything since i was eight weeks. It hasn't been a good experience with him, he has put me down in so many ways and has said so many mean things to me and wants nothing to do with us - oh but he was kind enough to volunteer to take me to the abortion clinic! Anyway i have decided not to go after him for support becuase i don't want to make him angry- i mean i don't know him that well and with this whole thing its been crazy. Also i am afraid of him taking my baby for visitation, i just don't (selfishly) want to have this baby taken away from me like my four year old every other weekend.
However, i have recently had a conversation with my son's grandmother (ex's mom) and she say's that it would break her heart to know this child will not know his other grandparents and that has made me think, i mean...it is heartbreaking...but ......what do i do??? This whole thing will cause so much pain. How am i suppose to know his grandparents would even want anything to do with this child? Or how am i to know that my baby's father would even tell his parents? Would i be doing this all for nothing??
thanks for your words.

 

[tinkabells]

Mmmm its a hard one, im taking my FOB to csa as he looks after his daughter with his bird, so i think he should do the same to hollie, but i would if your serious about it, if you know his parents to write to them and ask them if they want to be in the babies life, but ask them not to let there son know, becuase of the reasons you stated?
If you dont want them involved then dont, just make sure you tell baby the reason and they will understand, hope i;ve made sense? xxx

 

[Ash_P]

Just do what u feel is best for ur LO. U dont know how his parents are going to react and if u dont know him very well then u prob dont know how he is going to react.
I was with my husband for 5 years, and when he decided that some other woman was more appealing than his pregnant wife, his dad and step mum (who i was extremely close to and was desperate for grandchildren) decided that they needed to stand by my husbands decision and want nothing to do with me (which is fine) and nothing to do with baby. Which pisses me off something serious.

It bothers me that LO wont see its grandparents, but im hoping that the saying of, "u cant miss what u never had" will be true. LO will have so many other people close to it, who are gonna love and support it and thats the important thing to me.

If when LO is older and asks where his other grandparents are, and takes the decision to see them, I will make sure that I assure child I never stopped them from seeing it, and they can do the explaining of the rest. As long as I do my best by LO I have nothing to worry about. And u will be the same, U will know what is the best action to take x

 

[lou_w34]

Hmmmm this is a hard one. Im in a similar situation to yourself, I was with my ex for nearly three years, and he never introduced me to his parents, so i never met them, then when we split after we found out i was pregnant, and he has not told his parents that they are going to be grandparents, and the babies going to be born soon, and i have no idea when or if to tell them.

Personally i think im not going to bother telling them while i am pregnant, as its just extra stress that i dont need at the moment, and as i have never met them, i have no idea what they are like or how they will react.

I may tell them after the baby has been born, but at the end of the day, i also dont see it as my responsibilty to tell them, as i am not their child... it should be up to their son to grow some balls and tell them.

If i do tell them after she is born, i may go to their house, so i can explain everything, at first i was going to write a letter and include some pictures, but then i thought if he intercepted it, or if they chose not to reply i would be left wondering about their reaction. this way i will no.

However im still undecided on what to do, as i know they have a right to know, but i dont want them assuming they can take over either.

Sorry i havent been much help, i just dont think there is a right or wrong answer, it has to be a personal decision

 

[momtoparker]

Its so great being a woman!!
I am also sorry all of you are going through this as well, it certainly is a lonely miserable road at times. I really don't think i will ever stop thinking about his grandparents and how bad i feel, especially when i know they only live 30 minutes away. I have people also making me feel guilty about not including the grandparents and telling them. I wish all of you luck.