Supportive people becoming unsupportive??

[AC1987]

Ok unsure if this is my hormones making me upset at this or what.

So I was talking to my mom on the phone the other day. And she asked me if I was planning on bfing the next time when the baby comes. So I said Yes I'm pretty sure I will. And she sounded so... disappointed. Unsure if that's the right word but she is like "Oh alright if you think you can..." Now she was supportive of me bfing my LO up to a point, around 3 weeks she bought a tin of formula and started giving it to LO I wish she hadn't as it really affected my supply and I never got it back and ended up having to combi feed til I weaned her off it at 1 year. I have nothing against combi feeding though.. just wanted to point that out! I just personally didn't want to, but got.. talked into it.
So anyways, she went onto saying how she didn't think I would be making enough milk this time around

Now I feel like the supportive people aren't supporting me anymore My Dh only didn't mind me bfing because its free. So perhaps he will help me next time around for not buying formula.

 

[shanny]

i'd say not hormones - whatever you decide you would expect those closest to support you

 

[justkitty]

What? Did she ask if she could give formula? I'd tell her in advance not to bother buying any.

 

[Rachel_C]

Sounds like your mum thinks she knows an awful lot about your boobs, certainly more than any other human being could possibly ever know, even you! She doesn't think you'll make enough milk?! Perhaps not if she sabotages your efforts but otherwise you will be fine and I'm sure you know it

I would be upset if my mum had said something like that, it's not just hormones. If she's supportive she should feel welcome to talk about it with you. If not, she just has to be quiet since it's not her choice, it doesn't affect her and FF is not healthier for anybody if all is well.

If she talks about it again, I would just have a set of phrases already in mind. If she tells you you won't make enough milk, tell her that it's VERY rare for that to be the case unless you start messing with your supply. If she says, "If you think you can" be very upbeat and tell her, "Yes, of course I can, it's going to be GREAT this time round, no messing around with bottles for me!". Just be very chirpy and positive about it and she'll hopefully get the message that you're ignoring her negativity and won't be swayed towards formula. Hopefully she'll back off!

If it helps at all, I found BF so much easier second time round. You know so much more about babies and boobs when you start. You will be great!

 

[AC1987]

I think because she only bfed me and my siblings for a max of 4 months, she claimed she randomly just stopped producing milk So she did find it really odd that I would even want to go past 6 months bfing.
Also she likes to think she knows a whole lot about bfing.

Well last time with LO she first came to my DH before she came to me and then they both came to me and said it would be best for my LO to start on formula I felt... really pressured into saying yes. Even though I was producing a FINE amount I could pump like 15 ounces at a time! But she'd pour it out and make formula which I will never understand why.
So this time around I DO plan on taking a stand. I was just a little disappointed as last time its not like she ever told me to stop bfing so I felt like there was support.

 

[Super G]

Buying a tin of formula at 3 weeks and feeding it to your baby is not supportive of you breastfeeding! I'd have gone crazy if someone had done that to me.

Maybe you can educate your mum a little if you plan on going ahead and breastfeeding so that she might be a bit more supportive. It is incredibly unlikely that your supply won't be fine. Mothers have breastfed for millions of years, the human race would have died out if it was common to not have enough milk. Very very few women cannot physically breastfeed. Why on earth does she think you won't be making enough milk?! I guess she's of a generation brainwashed into thinking that formula is better and that breastmilk isn't enough. As you said the big danger to milk supply is to supplement.

I can understand why you're upset. Obviously it's your right to choose and if you choose formula or combi-feed or whatever then fine. But if you want to breastfeed I can understand why people close to you undermining this decision is upsetting. What is most helpful is people supporting your choices, no matter what they are.

Anyway, good luck with it all.

 

[DaisyAnne]

My mom supports me BFing, but it's in her own way...and it often comes out as unsupportive. I think she just wants to try to make everything easier for me, so she always tells me just to give him a bottle. When he got teeth, she asked if I would wean him off BF now. I may not stop by the time he's a year old, so I don't even know what she'll say then!
Anyhow, I've just found I have to be firm, but gentle and clear that I appreciate her experience and help, but we are BFing and it's not helpful right now to offer a bottle.

 

[Larkspur]

Pouring out pumped milk?!? I would have lost my rag with that! It's like liquid gold!

I am sure BFing will go better for you this time. Congrats on your determination and don't let your mum and OH's insecurities undermine you.

 

[MommyJogger]

I think I remember that thread. I still can't help but feel angry for you at the sabotage (even if she didn't know it was sabotage). I hope your bf journey is just lovely this time around. I'm really proud of your courage and determination. It's difficult with no support, I can't imagine how hard it must be with anti-support.

 

[seaweed eater]

Sounds legit and not merely hormonal to me. I'm sorry you are not getting more support. You did so well for your LO given what you were up against, and I hope this time things go even more the way you hope.

 

[Pielette]

She poured away your breastmilk?! Honestly I would have gone nuts over that one!

You might be wise to not pump for quite a while with this one, and keep baby with you all the time so you know for sure bub will only get breastmilk. I don't understand why your mum is the way she is about it but it may well be a generational thing. There was a time when mothers were told that formula was superior to breastmilk by medical professionals and it seems to me that that thinking still lingers today with people of a certain age.

My mum is not 100% on board with me breastfeeding. I ff my first (pretty much due to naïveté), this time I've been determined to make it work and its been great, apart from the first couple of weeks being hard, it's now so easy and I'm delighted. My baby is a fussy one and my mum seems to think breastfeeding is to blame (it's not, he just can't self settle during the day). She has said things like oh well you've breastfed him for 9 weeks now, why don't you swap him to formula... I think she finally gets that I'm not switching, why the hell would I put in all that effort to switch to formula?! Thankfully she does respect my decisions, even if she doesn't understand them.

I would say something similar to your mum. As in, I know you don't understand it, but this is my decision, I want to make breastfeeding work for us and I ask you to respect my wishes, which means NO formula.

 

[CupcakeBaby]

If someone gave my baby formula they'd never spend time with her again!

Harsh, I know, but that's my feeling on the matter!