Surname dilema

[surprisepg]

Im a single mother, I have twin boys whom were conceived whilst I was married so they have their dads surname. Im recently divorced and pregnant with another mans baby. He hasnt been supportive at all, has told me that he isnt certain that this baby is his... long story short even if paternity is proved I dont think he will step up.

Once LO is born do I give him my maiden name as his surname? or do I give him FOBs surname?

I honestly dont think he deserves to have his surname given to LO plus I have read that travelling with LO might be difficult if we have different surnames.

 

[lilyd]

Use your surname - if you are keeping your married surname then there is no reason you can't use that.

My aunts LO has her ex husbands surname even though they divorced years before Lo was conceived - she never went back to her maiden name so gave lo her married surname as well.

 

[girlnboots]

I believe naming your baby fully depends on the (prospective) relationship between father and baby. If he's unwilling to step up and be a real father, tell him to kick rocks and give your baby your name.

 

[Yo_Yo]

Your surname. He doesn't exactly sound supportive of you, so definitely you name.

 

[Jennifurball]

Definiately your surname. I regret giving her her dads name because it gives him power over me.

 

[Ceejay123]

Id use yours x

 

[Dream.dream]

Use your name . You can always change it later if the dad is supporting the baby and being a good dad

 

[surprisepg]

I believe naming your baby fully depends on the (prospective) relationship between father and baby. If he's unwilling to step up and be a real father, tell him to kick rocks and give your baby your name.

Use your name . You can always change it later if the dad is supporting the baby and being a good dad

You are both right!! I guess at this moment baby is getting my surname. I dont feel that he deserves this baby to have his surname if he doesnt show any interest in his son and if he still isnt interested after the birth then to hell with him.

FOB is trying not to connect to this baby by calling it and seeing it as a seed. He told me that its not a baby till its born. Its pretty sad but its made me so mad at him I cant even think of him without getting mad.

 

[babycrazy1706]

Deffo use yours!!

 

[teal]

Are you still going by your married name? If so then I'd give the baby your married name. If you're using your maiden name then whatever you feel most comfortable with.

You're right that he doesn't deserve to give a baby his name if he's not stepping up xx

 

[Mummy1995]

Definitely use your surname! Whether that be your maiden or your married one. Like said above it can always be changed x

 

[NKL120309]

Your last name.

My son has my last name, and my unborn son will also have my last name. I guess I'm different, I wouldn't give my children their dads last name, the most I would ever do would hyphenate it. I am just as proud that these are my children and think that just because you have a child with a man does not mean than they suddenly have more rights to the last name. In the end, do what's right for YOU.

 

[surprisepg]

Thank you ladies. I am changing my last name to my maiden name after I receive my divorce certificate. I just dont feel comfortable with my married surname now that I am no longer married to my ex husband.

LO will definitely be getting my surname.

 

[WantingABubba]

I'm in a bit of a dilemma too. I wanted DD to have her Dad's and my surname (even though FOB doesn't acknowldge her). However, my surname is double barrel so I obviously can't triple barrel it. So either my name or his will be the middle. I'm kinda stuck.

 

[surprisepg]

I'm in a bit of a dilemma too. I wanted DD to have her Dad's and my surname (even though FOB doesn't acknowldge her). However, my surname is double barrel so I obviously can't triple barrel it. So either my name or his will be the middle. I'm kinda stuck.

Do you still hope he will acknowledge her? I've honestly given up on FOB. We had a huge fight a week ago about our relationship after I brought up LO. He's so immature and I'm not holding my breath anymore. I'm also considering not telling him when LO is born even though my friends tell me otherwise.

 

[teal]

Yes I'd definitely give LO your surname if you're changing it back

I really didn't want to tell my ex when LO was born so I do understand that feeling. I waited until LO was two weeks old before trying to contact him, he had changed his phone number so I was left with sending him an email but it came back as undelivered so he must have closed it so I'd not reach him.

I do have my head around it now and it definitely hasn't affected my son not having a "dad" the other say he told me I was his mummy and his daddy too. Bittersweet but focusing on the positive.

xx

 

[surprisepg]

Yes I'd definitely give LO your surname if you're changing it back

I really didn't want to tell my ex when LO was born so I do understand that feeling. I waited until LO was two weeks old before trying to contact him, he had changed his phone number so I was left with sending him an email but it came back as undelivered so he must have closed it so I'd not reach him.

I do have my head around it now and it definitely hasn't affected my son not having a "dad" the other say he told me I was his mummy and his daddy too. Bittersweet but focusing on the positive.

xx

I have ways of contacting him. He is a very active person on online forums so thats no problem I guess I'm selfish in my thinking. If he wants to be part of his sons life I feel he would make some move to contact me. I'm still very angry a week after our fight and I'm normally not like that.

I think its bittersweet too. You are an amazing woman. This is why women carry babies men are too irresponsible. I will make sure my sons never run away from their responsibilities.

 

[teal]

Yes I'd definitely give LO your surname if you're changing it back

I really didn't want to tell my ex when LO was born so I do understand that feeling. I waited until LO was two weeks old before trying to contact him, he had changed his phone number so I was left with sending him an email but it came back as undelivered so he must have closed it so I'd not reach him.

I do have my head around it now and it definitely hasn't affected my son not having a "dad" the other say he told me I was his mummy and his daddy too. Bittersweet but focusing on the positive.

xx

I have ways of contacting him. He is a very active person on online forums so thats no problem I guess I'm selfish in my thinking. If he wants to be part of his sons life I feel he would make some move to contact me. I'm still very angry a week after our fight and I'm normally not like that.

I think its bittersweet too. You are an amazing woman. This is why women carry babies men are too irresponsible. I will make sure my sons never run away from their responsibilities.

You're not being selfish you are right, why should it be on you to tell him when he can't make an effort to contact you and be involved.

 

[WantingABubba]

I'm in a bit of a dilemma too. I wanted DD to have her Dad's and my surname (even though FOB doesn't acknowldge her). However, my surname is double barrel so I obviously can't triple barrel it. So either my name or his will be the middle. I'm kinda stuck.

Do you still hope he will acknowledge her? I've honestly given up on FOB. We had a huge fight a week ago about our relationship after I brought up LO. He's so immature and I'm not holding my breath anymore. I'm also considering not telling him when LO is born even though my friends tell me otherwise.

I do It makes me sad that he doesn't. I don't wanna give up but feel like it. I send him updates every time I have a scan and he never replies.

Sorry about what you're going through

 

[surprisepg]

I'm in a bit of a dilemma too. I wanted DD to have her Dad's and my surname (even though FOB doesn't acknowldge her). However, my surname is double barrel so I obviously can't triple barrel it. So either my name or his will be the middle. I'm kinda stuck.

Do you still hope he will acknowledge her? I've honestly given up on FOB. We had a huge fight a week ago about our relationship after I brought up LO. He's so immature and I'm not holding my breath anymore. I'm also considering not telling him when LO is born even though my friends tell me otherwise.

I do It makes me sad that he doesn't. I don't wanna give up but feel like it. I send him updates every time I have a scan and he never replies.

Sorry about what you're going through

I had another scan this week and didn't tell him anything and I won't. I'm going to have a planed c-section and I don't plan on telling him the date to that either. It's very big of you to keep him up to date I just can't bring myself to do it anymore. Sorry you're going though this too with FOB