surname dilema

[Melissa93]

Ive been with my current partner 18 months we have been through a lot and both see us spendin rest of our lives together, we have spoke about having children together and gettin married my only problem is I have a 2 year old daughter from a previous relationship, I was on my own through my whole pregnancy and I gave my daughter my surname so my problem is if in future I was to have more children and get married I dont want her to feel the odd one out by having a different name, she still sees her dad so changin her name if I got married wouldnt be an option, just wondering what people think x

 

[AP]

Could you explain to her dad it wouldn't be about sharing your partners name, but your daughter sharing YOUR name, whatever that might be. Y'know, look it it from a different point of view?

Has this ever been approached with him yet?

 

[Melissa93]

Yeah thats a possibility I guess it would be worth a shot, obviously wont be anytime soon as not even engaged haha just when we talk about future children and marriage its this nagging feelin in the back of my head and I feel awful at the thought that she may feel left out havin different name to me and her siblings to point where I dont think I could change my name x

 

[Yo_Yo]

My eldest is from a previous relationship, when I married my hubby she started using my married name as a "known by" name for the doctors and school.

So on paper she has my maiden name, in practice she has our family/my married name.

For my daughter she really wanted the same name as her little sister too.

 

[RainbowDrop_x]

If you did get married could your OH not take your name instead of you taking his?

 

[Melissa93]

O that could be a good idea, if you dont mind me asking does she still see her dad and does he have a problem or could he stop you doing that, I guess that way I could do that then when she is old enough if she wants to change it properly she can make the decision for herself x

 

[Pearls18]

Maybe you could double barrel your name? Or your daughter's?

 

[Melissa93]

I did wonder whether to double barrel mine x

 

[suzib76]

I don't see the problem tbh, it's not as if she has fob name and you are changing to another mans. She has your name so it's quite natural for you both to change your names

 

[Melissa93]

Yeah I see your point just her dad made a deal before about if I ever got with someone and remarried abour her name changing so that's probably y im thinkin it's such a big deal as I don't want it causing arguments and agro x

 

[Yo_Yo]

O that could be a good idea, if you dont mind me asking does she still see her dad and does he have a problem or could he stop you doing that, I guess that way I could do that then when she is old enough if she wants to change it properly she can make the decision for herself x

She doesn't see him much (8 months ago last, his choice) but he doesn't have a problem with it, as he knows about it.

All I did was when registering my dd at school and docs when we moved was put her known by name as my married name. No questions are asked.

 

[tallybee]

My husband took mine and the kids surname, he actually changed it before we married so we all had the same name. It worked for us

 

[lhancock90]

You could use Tallys idea, or you could wait until she expresses any feeling about it?

 

[Melissa93]

Ok well I can always keep the known by name in mind if her dad doesnt agree to changin her name, I don't think my partner would want to take my name tbh x

 

[Melissa93]

Yeah she might not even be bothered by it when she is older, I just worry as dont want her to feel left out or anything when she is older but if she did there is always things we could do to change her name if that is what she wishedxx

 

[Mummy May]

My daughter has my maiden name and her Dad's name double barrelled so when I marry hubs to be in 2 weeks she won't have the same name as any of us. If it becomes a problem for her we will just let her be known as something else xx

 

[Melissa93]

Yeah I guess its just a case of waitin to see how she feels about it when she's older, hope you have a lovely wedding day x

 

[~RedLily~]

My LO has my name as well. If I get married I will be keeping my name and any future children will have my name. It's something that is very important to me that my children and I share the same name. My future husband would be welcome to take my name though.

 

[Toms Mummy]

Yeah, I'd wait to see how she feels. Does she have a good relationship with her dad? You might find she wants to keep his name as he is part of her family too. It's very normal nowadays too to have different names in one family.

Me and my sis have our dad's surname, my mum has her maiden name and our brother has his dads name, so 4 different surnames. Plus my children and oh have same surname so I'm odd one out!... This bothers me more than not having my mum's name so I will be changing it this year x

 

[x__amour]

My DH has had 3 different last names, lol. First his biological dad's, then his mom's, then his step-dad's. I always (jokingly) say at least he got the nicest last name out of the three, lol.

Honestly, I wouldn't have a problem changing last names but you could always double barrel or leave the decision to her in the future.