Surviving the childless holiday blues...

[Kimiw]

Well, it is that time a year again. Santa is going to be at the mall and all those cute little kids are going to be lining up to see him. Families will be soon gathering in the livingroom to decorate their Christmas tree, and mom and dad are going to be reminding their children that that Santa is watching so they better be good

What will we be doing? Hanging up stockings with our pet's names on them and sit on the couch and watch yet another christmas special on TV. I don't want this thread to sound like a rant, I am just speaking the truth, childless couples celebrate the holidays different.

How to survive the holiday blues. Do any of you have any childless couple holiday ideas? DH and I are trying something different this year. We normally go and visit our families, but, this year we thought we would just stay home and start our own christmas tradition because ours doesn't involve children like it does when we go back home.

I know that may seem selfish, but we decided this was the year we break away from the norm, and make the holidays more enjoyable for us.

 

[2have4kids]

I hear ya. I spoke to DH about going to vegas/SanDiego or New York for the week over Christmas. Airfares are super low right now from Canada and I love the shopping in the states (FAR better than Canada!)
We normally ask my parents over for dinner (which we'd likely still do just when we arrive back). I normally get a bunch of movies that I want to see, we also go to the theatre with friends. Sometimes we spend a few days with the bro-in-law and his two boys (he flies in from Vancouver to see them, he's divorced) but because he was such an ar$sewipe during last months vacation I told DH I won't go to the cabin anymore, don't want to be around people who upset me and he clearly tries to push every button. Complete divorce material and I hope he never gets married again.

So I guess a distraction is what I'd like this year if we can afford it. I don't think you're being selfish for wanting some alone time, time to make new memories just the two of you. I get that you're exhausted, I totally get that, I feel just the same. I don't want to deal with the world anymore, just go into my cave and recuperate my soul.

 

[Kimiw]

Christmas is always a sad time for me and DH. Last year my mom made a comment that "Christmas is not not Christmas without children." I have two brothers, both married but only one of them have a kid. My oldest brother has an 11 year old with his wife and my other brother and his wife don't want kids then there is me and DH who are suffering with infertility. When I found out I was pregnant in August we made the mistake of telling the whole family. My mom went crazy and bought all kinds of baby things for me. I told her not to (I wanted to get past the 12 week mark when misscarriage risk is lower) but she did it anyway. I lost the baby at 6 weeks which was so hard to take. A couple of months later my mom and dad came to visit and she brought the baby stuff with her! I couldn't handle it!!!!!!!!!!! I can't believe she would still give me the stuff she bought after I suffered a loss like that. I just don't think we want to be with the family this year for Christmas. I would be about 4 months around Christmas time, now I feel like this year something is going to be missing.

 

[tamithomas]

We too are staying home this year and skipping out on the family reunion my Aunt has usually. We both do not feel emotionally strong enough to be around the family that are both very fertile with at least 15 kids running around including a newborn one this year from one of my aunts just recently gave birth to.

Instead, we are going to be making some old fashioned Ragou (Potato and meatballs), a Hamburger for our dog, get some Whiskas milk for our cat, some fruit for our birds and a cute Christmas decoration for our aquarium and have fun watching movies together. I will however be skipping out on any life of Jesus movies as the manger scenes I know will get to me. Being around kids does not seem appealing to me this year as I was supposed to be 4 months baby bump around then.

Feels good in a gloomy way to know we're not the only ones feeling this way this year. I feel bad on skipping out on the reunion but it's protection for my own sanity. It would risk my getting plastered on cheap wine and bawling my eyes out on the porch outside of the house the reunion is held at.

 

[LoveCakes]

Part of me says 'by next year we'll be able to buy little things' but the scared part says just enjoy things like being able to go to Christmas parties and not fall asleep, and be able to have a drink. I'm not saying the first option wouldn't be better but there are lots of fantastic things about Christmas that aren't just for kids.

Maybe we should start a list of Christmas things that aren't just about kids:
-Work parties
-Getting presents!
-An excuse to dress up
-An excuse to eat chocolate oranges and pretend they're one of your 5 a day

Any more?

 

[2have4kids]

Kimi, have you opened up to your mom to let her know that that comment and the gift buying, although generous, weighed you down with more disappointment? She seems pushy and inconsiderate. Does your mom know about your infertility struggles?

I feel lucky that my mom hasn't pushed for me having children-I think she's a rare breed. Most of my friends have been pressured by their family in one way or another to get on with having kids. Despite not having the pressure and insensitive comments I still have a clock ticks louder every day for me now that my dad was diagnosed with Parkinson's disease. I want him to be a grandpa before he leaves this world.

I told my mom I m/c'd in October yesterday. She was really supportive and sad for us. Only 3 people knew we were pregnant and only 3 people knew I miscarried. It doesn't make it any better/worse, at least you may have support when people know what's going on. The next time you get preggers are you going to wait to tell them? It'll be hard to keep it under wraps if I wind up going through with ivf but I think I'll still try to keep it a secret. we'll see how that goes, I think if I respond badly to the meds I might need mom's help.

 

[2have4kids]

Ladies, if i had a million bucks I'd seriously want to fly the LTTC couples on this blog somewhere cheery, where we could give each other real hugs instead of digital ones and shoot the shit and bitch together about infertility and the crap that we can't usually say around our regular friends. Somewhere hot where they do room service and have large swim up pool bars hahahaha.

 

[2have4kids]

Maybe we should start a list of Christmas things that aren't just about kids:
-Work parties
-Getting presents!
-An excuse to dress up
-An excuse to eat chocolate oranges and pretend they're one of your 5 a day
Any more?

• more money to spend shopping for oh & I (sad and selfish but true)
• sleeping in as long as you want
• going to the movies without having to pay for a babysitter
• year end dinners with business partners without worrying about babysitters

 

[tamithomas]

Christmas things that aren't just about kids:

-money that would've been spent on gifts can be put away for TTC related materials.
-Drinking without having to monitor the amount aka not having to keep a level head
- Christmas BD'ing on a passionate level without worrying about the noise level

 

[momto2angels]

Hi ladies this is my first post that I have ever made. I completely understand the pain that you are going through. February of last year my completely healthy son passed away I was and still am devistated. In december of that same year me and my fiance decided to start trying and i immediatly got pregnant.I was so excited but scared at the same time, again the month of february brings me horrible luck and i had a miscarriage a week after the 1 year annv. of my sons death.It was hard but i manage to keep going with the love and support of my family and fiance. Now my hormones and body are playing tricks on me, I havent had a period since september 6th and ive always been normal. my breast are sore, im always tired, going pee like theres no tomorrow but i continue to get negative tests. With the holidays coming im trying to be cheerful and be thankful im still here. Sorry that was so long just stay strong ladies and keep trying.

 

[xlouloux]

Me and OH are staying in with a load of games and alcohol. For whatever reason it's really hitting me hard not having ANY children to buy for or spend time with this Christmas. It's not even because I don't have my own children, none of my immediate family do which just makes it all seem pointless. Let's face it, Christmas will always be about LO's. I won't even be trying next month, af on Christmas day is not something I can face again! Oh and I fully intend on playing strip poker so there's one idea for you!

 

[MH53ADwife]

Haha as odd as it sounds, I actually love not having a kid during the holidays. It's all about us. My husband and I are having a party this year with our new military friends who won't be seeing famil this year. Besides that we usually just have a lot of sex lol. That's pretty much all of our holidays. Enjoy it! Just think, you don't have to spend hours going store to store then fighting a woman over a leap pad tablet! And that money gets spent on YOU! Drink nogg, wine, eat cookies and savor the freedom

 

[tawanamood]

This year I have to absolutely get away from my immediate family! They aren't constantly reminding me of my infertility (anymore), but this will be mine and DH's third Christmas together without a little one of our own and I need to break us out the hum drum rut.

We will be going to celebrate Thanksgiving with DH's family and it'll be my first time around them all. I hope I can lose myself in the excitement of being around new people. If they ask us when we're having our own I'll say we're waiting until I finish school and I doubt anyone will question it.

I think spicing up life and trying new things each year could become a tradition of it's own. Holidays are celebrated differently when you have children as the stress level rises when you're looking for specific gifts, etc, as per my siblings and friends who are parents already. I don't enjoy being childless one bit, but I suppose it has some perks here and there.

The holidays are a sad time for us infertiles. Hopefully one day our little ones will bring us that much needed joy.

 

[arizonagal]

I am trying not to be down about the upcoming holidays too! Things I will be happy about:
-getting drunk with my sister
-spending money on charity gifts for kids in need
-sleeping in!

But I agree, hanging stockings for the bunnies is a little silly-but those are my kids for now, so I just need to embrace it

 

[2have4kids]

I am trying not to be down about the upcoming holidays too! Things I will be happy about:
-getting drunk with my sister
-spending money on charity gifts for kids in need
-sleeping in!

But I agree, hanging stockings for the bunnies is a little silly-but those are my kids for now, so I just need to embrace it

the thing you said about getting drunk with your sister really gets me...my sister is a freaking slave driver and three years ago when i asked if we could just hang out instead of me walking her dog, cat sitting, helping her with renos she had a fit and stopped talking to me. I had asked why we don't ever get together to play cards/watch movies/go dancing and she couldn't answer. I'm the eldest and all I've ever heard from her is how much she needs a man to take out the trash & walk her dog (I felt like her missing slave-man). So it hurts to not have kids and not have a sister. Do me a favour and give your sis a big hug, do a big clink and cherish your relationship.

OH wants to put the christmas tree up this weekend, he said the lights make him feel warm & cheery. I'm excited to hear that and will help him decorate. It feels odd for a big scotsman to instigate the festivities (a wee bit early) but maybe he needs a pick-me-up too.

 

[nobump]

We spending XMAS just the 2 of us this year and then heading through to my folks on boxing day, it's my brothers 40th! Got lots of nieces and nephews to buy pressies for and hubby spoils them rotten, keep thinking what a great dad he will be if we ever get the chance. Our time will come

 

[longing]

Me and OH are staying in with a load of games and alcohol. For whatever reason it's really hitting me hard not having ANY children to buy for or spend time with this Christmas. It's not even because I don't have my own children, none of my immediate family do which just makes it all seem pointless. Let's face it, Christmas will always be about LO's. I won't even be trying next month, af on Christmas day is not something I can face again! Oh and I fully intend on playing strip poker so there's one idea for you!

Hello

We are the same, none of our family have children anymore, the magic is lacking, and with my brother and his OH and Me and my OH both at an age and position where we should be having kids the void is kinda obvious. I just wanna hide away this year and not see anything of Christmas, if I had christmas off work I would probably suggest running away to some remote (possibly snowy) place! And that would include lots of games and acohol too!

My friend asked me if I had bought anything for our future child, as that is what she had done (she was ttc for over a year) after 3 years it is sometimes hard to keep that faith that it will happen, but I am considering it, just 1 baby grow or a pair of socks or something, would that be weird?

 

[longing]

Hi ladies this is my first post that I have ever made. I completely understand the pain that you are going through. February of last year my completely healthy son passed away I was and still am devistated. In december of that same year me and my fiance decided to start trying and i immediatly got pregnant.I was so excited but scared at the same time, again the month of february brings me horrible luck and i had a miscarriage a week after the 1 year annv. of my sons death.It was hard but i manage to keep going with the love and support of my family and fiance. Now my hormones and body are playing tricks on me, I havent had a period since september 6th and ive always been normal. my breast are sore, im always tired, going pee like theres no tomorrow but i continue to get negative tests. With the holidays coming im trying to be cheerful and be thankful im still here. Sorry that was so long just stay strong ladies and keep trying.

So sorry for your losses massive to you. You seem like a strong lady hope you get some answers and your LO soon xxxx

 

[uwa_amanda]

I found out that my brother in law and his two kids will be coming in from Florida a couple of days after Christmas. My mom's not doing anything because my dad and likely my sister both have to work (they're paramedic and EMT). It will be the first Christmas Day in our almost eight year marriage that my DH and I will be able to just stay home. I'm thinking we are probably going to curl up in front of the tv and watch some movies and spend time together.

I was sitting in front of the tv yesterday watching football and wrapping the Christmas gifts we already purchased. Next thing I know, I'm putting up our Christmas decorations, both outdoor and indoor.

 

[tawanamood]

I've already hung up garland on my banister in the house and now I'm blasting Christmas music. I think the holiday bug has bitten me early this year. lol.