Swearing

[Groovychick]

My 7 year old has recently started swearing. It isn't frequent but when he is cross or frustrated, it comes out. I've explained to him about using alternatives and how using these words can make people feel sad. No one in the house swears so I can only think he has picked it up from school.

Any advice please?

 

[Babybump87]

I am yet to have any “proper” swearing DD1 is 7 1/2 . I’ve had the “shit” when they were toddlers though and we just told them it was naughty .

I think your doing the right thing to be honest . Every time he swears just address it and keep doing/saying what you are .

If it’s carrying on a bit long or getting worse I’d be inclined to introduce punishments.

 

[AmberPi]

My eldest son started swearing after the first day of school, and the younger one repeated after him. But when they saw that I didn't react, they calmed down. My grandmother starts hysterically, shouts at them, and they just start to say all kinds of nasty things. And so not only with swearing, so with everything.

 

[DobbyForever]

We see this a lot in elementary school. The younger kids use the words because someone has an older sibling who has said it or nowadays you hear all sorts of things from the tv and radio.

I can't speak to raising kids. I have a nine year age gap with my brothers, but my kid is 3. Long post of stuff you probably already do. I just haven't finished my coffee enough to be concise haha

As a teacher (elementary, ages 5-11), I do exactly what you do. Children have to be taught expectations. So you have to decide what your expectations are. Can they swear at home when they aren't talking to you? Can they swear when talking to you? Can they swear with their friends? Can they swear out and about? Can they swear at school? It sounds excessive, but you need to define if and when it is okay to swear and make sure they know. But once you've set those boundaries, you also have to know how many reminders are too many. If they slip up, that's one thing. If it's intentional, that's something where there needs to be a negative consequence. They should be logical so preferably social based: write a letter to that person, have a reflective conversation with an adult, ending the conversation (usually intentional swearing is attention getting)...

I grew up around adults who swore up a storm. My mom was always very clear about the boundaries. Adults at home with family, they can swear. Children, don't swear. Teenagers, can swear with friends but not in the presence of adults or at school. Grown children should mind their words around parents and def not swear in front of kids and anyone who swears at the host can gtfo/general rule that you cannot swear AT someone. I have a sailor's mouth, but I've never been in trouble at home or at school for swearing because I knew exactly what the expectations were from a very young age and why. She explained that it is a matter of respect/politeness and how the words we use matter and the social context matters. And I tell my students that. They way I talk to them is different from the way I talk to my boss which is different to the way that I talk to my friends. I even go so far as to tell them that everything I do changes. When I get close to school, I change the type of music I listen to in my car. I dress differently at school than I do when I stay home all day. I try to find something they do to highlight that social context piece.

 

[DobbyForever]

Oh and the new trends in school is to avoid positive or negative connotations. So we don't actually say disrespectful (I do cuz I'm old school and I don't like sugarcoating things lol), we try to rephrase everything to focus on what is "expected" versus "unexpected". And frame the conversation to be about what we want to see versus negatives (ie instead of these words are bad words; these are words that are unexpected OR instead of don't swear; use respectful language) but sounds like you're already doing that by giving him the appropriate substitutions.

But the novelty of swearing will wear off.

 

[Rags]

I agree with pp about the novelty wearing off. I grew up with a dad who swore and a mum who didn't, there was never a comment made beyond that it wasn't appropriate language in most circumstances and never outside the house. Ds is ten and has heard me swear at home if I've hurt myself, had an accident etc, he's never sworn at home or outside, I've also explained that swear words are words that have definite meanings of their own and that aren't particularly nice or have a meaning that I don't think he needs to know as a child.

 

[PatriciaHold]

When I was little, I had exactly the same problem. But my parents just punished me every time I used such words.

 

[Betthoi]

When I was a teen, my sister was 7 years old. My parents very often left me with my sister, I could not even communicate normally with my friends. When I spoke to them on the phone, my sister heard and remembered everything. I told her that these bad words are secret words, and if they are said out loud in front of adults, then she will never be able to say them again. And when she wanted to say a bad word, she came up to me and whispered in my ear. Thus, for a couple of years, she did not understand why people use them at all.