Sweet and angry 8 year old

[SleepyBaby]

Ok so im at a loss

My wee man has always been caring and sweet and bubbly and has never had a bad school report or bad grades, His little sister is nearly one and hes never anything but smiles for her, he gives her as much time as she wants, he will play games with me and my other half and loves his dads at the weekends, hes a wee star in kickboxing and has lots of friends there. He gets on with all the kids i know, all the kids in the street and all his cousins.

Until that is he lose's a game or feels hes being unfairly treated, then he " rage quits" the game or has a melt down defending why hes right, but when hes wrong he wont accept it and has a melt down, and gets so angry he cries.

This has led to him being left out in school, he says he has no friends in school and gets picked last in games, if its a game like chases no one will chase him and that kinda stuff. He's not being bullied in any sense just kids know how he will react to a neg outcome for himself so go another direction.

Ive tried talking to him about it before, the day after a game of monopoly that he lost, he took it pretty bad, slamming doors, shouting and venting, stamping up the stairs to wake the baby finally just crying and sobbing, i felt horrid but i left him to it, he was in the wrong and i told him we would talk about it when he calmed down, i wont shout at him when hes angry, it seems pointless to poke the bear so i sat him down and i told him about my friend when i was a kid, i explained everything that kid done and asked him would he have liked that kid, he said no ofc not, then i asked him if you wouldnt like that kid because of "rage quitting" why rage quit?, i explained that he is allowed to be angry but shouting and crying over it will just make people not want to play at all. Ive asked him to step away and count to ten and come back calm to talk. to think before he acts and all that stuff but i dont think hes mature enough to not act on impulse

I do punish him for shouting/ slamming and stomping, but not for being angry or crying

I dunno how else to help my little man, and its scary, his father has some temper on him, we broke up when my son was a baby as after a few tiffs here and there he lost his temper at me while i was holding his son, id thought at the time if he throws a punch there's nothing i can do, he never hit me but he was fond of throwing and breaking stuff and it felt like it was getting closer, now im worried its in the genes and i need to help my little dude curve it!

Any ideas would be more than welcome

ps. his dads not on the same page as i am " he will grow out of it " ( maybe he will but doesnt help now ) or " he a wee angel who does no wrong and has no faults" are more or less what his dad thinks and my partner says " well he cant do it or he will have no friends"... well yeah, he didnt help either lol

 

[JASMAK]

I think most of it is normal and he will learn through consequences (his friends not wanting to play with him ect) that it isn't working for him. I think teaching him what to do when he is upset and angry is a good idea....even though he may not be taking it all in right now, I think if he gets the skills to deal with the frustration, then hopefully, one day he will use them. Kids often know what they shouldn't do...but don't know how to do it differently. Another idea I have is to put him in a sport where he learns sportsmanship. And, maybe something where he learns responsibility...volunteering with younger children...even your own, where he has to 'watch' her while you have a bath, or cook a meal with you, or even on his own. These things helped with my son...but, at the same time...with all the play dates that my son has had over the years, what you are saying isn't completely abnormal either.