Taking legal action

[shocker]

So fob hasnt spoken to me in weeks, the last thing he said to me was that he didnt believe baby was his and then changed his phone number. Yeah hes a great guy basically all i wanted from him was his medical history as hes made it clear he wants nothing to do with me or his baby but he refused to even do that.My mum has been supporting me through all this and today she mentioned getting her solicitor involved.She suggested going through the family courts to get maintenace.I have been thinking about this a lot lately and think it may be a good idea, hes ignored me for weeks and i dont see him changing so the very least he can do is take financial responsibility for his child.I also have a feeling that if hes made to contribute financially he may get curious and want to know his child, which personally i really dont want but i want my baby to know their father no matter how much hes hurt me.Right now hes out with his friends pretending we dont exist and although im not expecting any miracles i think that if hes having to pay then he wont have the chance to forget about his child.Theres also the worry that if i dont he may move away and become uncontactable as all his family live abroad, he may even change his mind in a few years want to see his child and then not be able to find us.So i just dont know! Im just wondering has anyone done this and does anyone have opinions on this? i really have no idea about any of this stuff

 

[purpledahlia]

firstly i think, theres still a lot, A LOT of time for him to change his mind and come round. the FOB for me did the same, didnt speak from 8 weeks till i was 19 weeks, and now he wants to be in her life etc. Id seriosuly wait a bit longer before talking solicitors.

Also you dont need to go to a solicitor for maintenence.... if you contact the CSA (child support agency) they will track him and take it from his wages. you still have time, it takes guys a lot longer in these situations to come around (not that im excusing it or sticking up for him) but id wait a bit longer before deciding. you can reaserch everything fully over the next 6 months or so.

 

[ofatu]

What I tell my stupid ex when he tries to tell me he believes this little one Im carrying isnt his, despite the fact we were together 5 years. DNA testing. Cant wait to shut that idiot up.

But you have heaps of time, he may come around?

 

[lauraperrysan]

hey hun, well I had my daughter nearly 3 years ago now, her father left me when I was 5 weeks pregnant, yep, the day I found out. He changed his number and never spoke to me again..... I was 18 and he was 29 and a law abiding policeman.....hummmm!!
Anyway, I got on with things, end of the day, his loss.....when my daughter was about a year old after lot's of umm'ing and arr'ing I decided to apply of maintance from csa....months and a dna test later he finally starts paying me.
I thought if he paid money he might change his mind and want to see her but no. He been paying just over a year now and not heard one word from him. I even emailed some pics and said the doors always open if you ever want to meet Lily....never heard back.
Now I've printed the email off to proove to Lily when she's older I tried to get him involved.
Hope you decide whats right for you, but at 12 weeks I dont think you need to think about maintance for a while
xxxx

 

[surprisebaby]

i don't think you can go to the csa until baby is born, but I don't know. Try calling them for advice. I am not sure about the solicitor option however it may be interesting to know their perspective on situation. Its so frustrating that he is not dealing with this and getting on with his life as if nothing has happened and just saying to himself the baby isn't his--in denial--

It annoys me actually because you are bending over backwards to include him thinking of whats best for baby and all he is thinking about it is himself. I am in a similiar situation as you kinda know, and its horrible being ignored.

Its great you've got your mums support though.

How old is he?

 

[xxannxx]

CSA can help you to get maintenence when LO is born and DNA test if he denies paternity, but i agree with the others, you have plenty of time for that, and FOB may come round to the idea before that, men tend to be unpredictable like that,lol. Stay strong and concentrate on yourself and LO for now.

 

[purpledahlia]

yes your right CSA cant do anything untill the baby is born.... but really.. nobody can do anything untill the baby is born, so you unfortunately will have to wait.. : /
unless you would let them do an amnio for a dna test but thats risky. seriously i wouldnt worry just now you have laods of time. just prepare for doing it alone. then if he ever did change his mind its an added extra..

 

[shocker]

Im in no rush and have heard that amnios are dangerous.Thanks for your replies everyone im 18 and hes 25, all his family live abroad and im scared in case he goes back to them in the next few months and i cant find him! lauraperrysan thank you so much for your post thats pretty much whats going on except im at the start! Hes older than me and working full time with his own place and everything, im just out of school and had to differ my first year of college im still living at home with my mom and yet im 20 times more responsible than him it really annoys me I know he will demand a dna test hes made that clear and ofatu i cant wait to shut him up either!!! cheek of them its infuriating.Im going to leave the solicitors for i think its too early your right, thanks so much for your advice everyone its really helpful knowing im not the only one