Tandem weaning

[Larkspur]

Okay, so as the title suggests, I'm currently feeding both a toddler and a baby, and I'm feeling kind of ready (also kind of not) to wean them both.

Toddler is a total boobie monster, much as I hate that term. He asks to nurse 5+ times a day and really loves it. Sometimes I distract him but mostly I say yes as long as he's polite about it or if he feels he really needs it after a tumble or something. He does STTN and never nurses at night. He just really takes a lot of comfort in it and I think he uses that time to "check out" and recharge.

Baby is just coming up to her first birthday. She is also coming out of an all-night nursing phase. At the moment we co-sleep after her first wake up, or the second if I can be bothered going through the putting-her-back-in-her cot rigmarole. Her wakings are approx 10.30/1am/4am/6.30 awake. She nurses each time, not fully to sleep, but to drowsy. She has never been all that into nursing. Part of the reason I think she nurses at night is because there is nothing more interesting going on then. During the day she just wants to be off and exploring. She can be put down for naps and bedtime without nursing if need be, but she does like it then.

Part of the reason I haven't weaned my toddler already is that I feel sure he will not deal well with it if I continue to nurse the baby. So I feel I will need to wean them both at the same time. But then I feel guilty that I will have BF him for much longer than her. I feel like I am cheating her. I am actually considering weaning them both but continuing to pump in private so I can give her breast milk in a bottle. Is this completely nuts?

I am not even sure what I'm looking for here, but has anyone had a similar situation, or feel like they have words of wisdom to impart? I don't even really know where to start here. I don't want to crash-wean but "Don't offer, don't refuse" is not really getting anywhere, as the toddler will probably end up like "Bitty" from Little Britain that way, and the baby will probably wean tomorrow if I try it with her!

 

[staralfur]

If she's not terribly affected by not nursing then I don't think you need to feel bad about weaning her earlier! Pumping sounds like a good idea if you're up for it.

Don't offer/don't refuse wasn't getting me anywhere with Abby, either. I had to refuse. I cut her down to three feeds per day, at the same time every day (first thing in the morning, before nap, before bed). I said no if she asked at any other point in the day and told her when her next feed would be. Eventually she stopped asking unless it was one of those times. Her bedtime feed was actually really easy to cut out, we had already moved it to the beginning of the bedtime routine (so nursing, taking her to bed, having a chat, reading a book, sleep). I just started to skip the nursing and she didn't really even notice. The nap and morning feeds were harder, but it was just a matter of being consistent when I decided to drop one of them.

Her last feed was a few days after her 3rd birthday. I told her that since she turned three, my boobs no longer made milk. She's been really good about it! I honestly thought she would never wean. But I definitely had to be strict about it. She still views my boobs as a major comfort thing, so she requests that I take them out so she can cuddle with them... which is fine with me for now. It's been a very gradual process, I figure it will take some more time until she completely dissociates boobs from comfort.

If you feel done then it's okay to be a bit more aggressive with weaning by refusing feeds. I was SOOOO done. It all went surprisingly smoothly and I have no regrets!