Tantrumming 11-month-old and food. How to respond

[JumpingIn]

My 11-month-old has started asserting what he wants and doesn't want. Loudly. With force.

In the highchair, if offered a food he isn't so keen on he will shout GRRR and whack the spoon out of my hand and then have a full-blown screaming/crying fit that can last up to 10 minutes even if I try to soothe him or remove the food or offer a nicer food or all of those things. He will now only eat fruit puree (the type you get in pouches) which is costing me a fortune. I've tried mixing this with other foods and he rejects it unless it's 100% pure fruit puree.

He walks supported but does not crawl. This means I am constantly attached to him, otherwise he can't move around and he gets upset and angry. If I misunderstand where he wants to go he has the anger/crying fit again and hits out.

So far I'm dealing with this by remaining calm and just waiting until he calms down, offering reassurance etc, but the food thing especially is starting to worry me and I wonder if I'm actually reinforcing his behaviour by offering him the fruit puree when he screams...The problem is, if I don't, he doesn't eat anything. Today, he wouldn't even drink his formula. All he wanted was fruit puree.

WWYD?

 

[Zephram]

Does he eat finger foods? At 11 months I would stop giving him purees on a spoon and just give him a selection of finger food. It might be that giving him the control over picking it up and eating it is what he needs.

 

[SarahBear]

My 11-month-old has started asserting what he wants and doesn't want. Loudly. With force.

In the highchair, if offered a food he isn't so keen on he will shout GRRR and whack the spoon out of my hand and then have a full-blown screaming/crying fit that can last up to 10 minutes even if I try to soothe him or remove the food or offer a nicer food or all of those things. He will now only eat fruit puree (the type you get in pouches) which is costing me a fortune. I've tried mixing this with other foods and he rejects it unless it's 100% pure fruit puree.

He walks supported but does not crawl. This means I am constantly attached to him, otherwise he can't move around and he gets upset and angry. If I misunderstand where he wants to go he has the anger/crying fit again and hits out.

So far I'm dealing with this by remaining calm and just waiting until he calms down, offering reassurance etc, but the food thing especially is starting to worry me and I wonder if I'm actually reinforcing his behaviour by offering him the fruit puree when he screams...The problem is, if I don't, he doesn't eat anything. Today, he wouldn't even drink his formula. All he wanted was fruit puree.

WWYD?

I would personally stop offering the fruit puree. I can't imagine it's all that great for him and the cost is just not worth it. Perhaps just go back to milk entirely for a bit and wait for him to show interest in real solids. Then follow his lead as he shows interest.

In terms of mobility, I would stop the supported walking as it sounds like it's limiting him and causing too much reliance on you.

In terms of the screaming fits and food, if you just drop the puree and don't let him see it at all, he'll forget about it. I wouldn't worry about him not eating anything if he didn't have eating issues prior to the purees. Hopefully he'll go back to having milk more normally.

 

[BlingyGal]

I second the finger foods. My 11 month old refuses a spoon and only wants to feed herself.

 

[JumpingIn]

Ah I forgot the important back story...Zach has multiple allergies and intolerances and was prescribed Neocate Spoon, a powder you mix into puree or water. For the first few months of weaning this was all he could physically tolerate (otherwise, blood in the poo and rashes). We did offer fruit as finger food, but he just threw it away and still does. Now he throws away any food except for those awful corn stick things and, of all things, chips (fries)! Yuck!

So he kind of became reliant on the purees as that was all he could digest, but I'm sure now he's nearly one the situation will have changed.

I'm reluctant to stop helping him walk because it's the only way he can move anywhere, and he's also very close to walking independently (he walks holding one hand for a little while) so I'm desperate to develop his skill so he can gain some independence.

The other food he will eat is peanut/cashew/almond butter...but he likes it on its own...not on bread or anything. So not healthy!

Thanks ladies

 

[MindUtopia]

As the others have said, I would offer finger foods. You can also do it in ways other than in a high chair. If he is associating the high chair in any way with things being stressful, then offer it in a bowl on a rug while you're playing outside or while he is in the pushchair and you are taking a walk or sit him on your lap while you eat your lunch and let him share anything that's on your plate. It won't happen overnight and you might be in for a few months of re-learning about food and textures as real food is very different to puree, but he'll get there. There are almost no calories in those fruit puree pouches, as well as no fats or proteins, so he'll be taking in very little now as it is, so I wouldn't stress about the amount of anything he's eating, just offer foods regularly at meal times and you could even start to add in snacks between meals, plus as much formula as he wants (if he refuses it don't worry, just keep offering as needed when he's hungry). Going through a weird picky phase around 9-11 months is really normal for all babies. The key is just not to limit foods because he doesn't seem to want anything else, because it just reinforces it. I would offer some thing he likes and some new things at every meal and let him choose. Eventually he'll start eating lots of new things again, but if you don't offer it, you'll miss that opportunity to expose him to new foods. I also wouldn't make it a battle. If he genuinely doesn't want to eat, don't make a big deal out of it, tidy up and try again later. He'll come around to it. Also, nut butters are super healthy, especially as he's probably not getting a lot of fat and protein, so that's a great option to offer. Just keep trying it with lots of different combinations and you'll eventually hit on something he likes it on.

 

[SarahBear]

Ah I forgot the important back story...Zach has multiple allergies and intolerances and was prescribed Neocate Spoon, a powder you mix into puree or water. For the first few months of weaning this was all he could physically tolerate (otherwise, blood in the poo and rashes). We did offer fruit as finger food, but he just threw it away and still does. Now he throws away any food except for those awful corn stick things and, of all things, chips (fries)! Yuck!

So he kind of became reliant on the purees as that was all he could digest, but I'm sure now he's nearly one the situation will have changed.

I'm reluctant to stop helping him walk because it's the only way he can move anywhere, and he's also very close to walking independently (he walks holding one hand for a little while) so I'm desperate to develop his skill so he can gain some independence.

The other food he will eat is peanut/cashew/almond butter...but he likes it on its own...not on bread or anything. So not healthy!

Thanks ladies

I don't think that letting him be independent with mobility will limit his independence... But it's up to you how you want to go about it. One idea would be to get him a push-along walker and see if he uses that. Generally speaking, kids develop their motor skills best when left to figure things out without too much adult assistance. He'll get there in the end regardless, but definitely don't feel like you HAVE to walk him.

If he's throwing food, he's not interested. Just take it away and he'll let you know when he's interested in it. In terms of nut butters, are you using natural nut butters or are you using hydrogenated ones? Hydrogenated oils are pretty terrible for you, but a simple nut butter would provide excellent nutrition, especially if it is low no no salt added.

 

[BunnyN]

Have you tried mixing the fruit puree with something else? Fruit puree mixed with porridge (made from oats, not baby porridge ), wheetabix or sweet potato would be worth a try. Have you tried stewed fruit? I boil apples in a pan whole then remove the skin and core. I have found DS (who is also a fan of fruit puree) loves them.

 

[JumpingIn]

Thanks all...

I tried setting up a little picnic outside today and sharing my lunch (tuna and rice) with him, but he just batted it away. I didn't give in and give puree, so he has eaten very little today. He refused milk all day but took a 7oz bottle before bed, which is at least something. He's on the 90th centile for weight so at least that isn't an immediate concern.

So I guess I just carry on presenting all the food and I'll hope for the best...Sharing food is very difficult as he's dairy/soy allergic and gluten and corn intolerant, which leaves not many foods we could enjoy together. Suggestions very welcome. I've tried sharing jacket potato, veg and mash, chicken dinner, salad and bolognese, which were all grunted at and ignored!

We do buy organic nut butters which are 100% nut, so again cost comes into play if we're talking about feeding by the spoonful!

Stewed fruit is a good idea...I'll try this. He did eat some of his granny's applesauce today, although she said it had sugar in it, which I really want to limit.

 

[JumpingIn]

Oh and in terms of mobility, honestly, if I don't help him he just sits/lies there whining, which after a few minutes becomes a scream that doesn't stop. I can't leave him alone for more than a minute or so without that happening. He doesn't often try to move, and when he does he gives up really quickly. I'd love for him to have more independence, but I've tried leaving him to cry for a bit in these situations and he just gets more and more upset

He does have and use a walker, but obviously that limits him to walking around in straight lines and he wants to explore properly.

 

[BunnyN]

I think its a good idea to try cutting out the puree for a few days and see what happens. If that doesnt work as another way to go it might be worth considering trusting his instincts as to when he is ready for things. I have done a lot of reading about allergies because my two were CMI. It wasnt true in our case but it seems common for LOs with food allergies to take a long time to take to solids. It may be that a lot of foods give him tummy ache or make him feel unwell so he is just responding to what works and doesnt work for him. If fruit puree is what he wants maybe that is because that is what agrees with him, or he is missing some nutrient that it provides. Of course keep offering him food and try to expand what he likes. It is especially important to keep exposing him to texture. Even if he just handles food and spits it out or throws it on the floor it is getting him used to the texture. For your sake maybe see if you can find a less expensive alternative to pouches like making your own apple sauce.

 

[JumpingIn]

That sounds like a great compromise, and you're right, he does seem to still be reacting to some foods and I'm often finding some odd nappies, so it could still be tummy ache. Poor thing.

I'll try puree removal for the rest of the week and if no joy by the weekend I'll try adding it back in, mixing it with some blended fruit from home. I'll also keep up sitting down and eating with him and offering lots of finger food.

I'll let you know how it goes!

 

[SarahBear]

Well if it's 100% nut butters than they are a really healthy and excellent choice! In terms of cost, that's another issue... I'd balance between how much he wants them and how much you can afford to give him and not worry beyond that. Finding ways to get a variety of fruits into his diet sounds like a good plan as well.

In terms of mobility, I don't know what to tell you as I haven't had a baby who didn't crawl and advice I'd give would start prior to 11 months. I would think that getting your baby past the hurdle of frustration and moving him away from the expectation that you will assist him in "walking" would be the first step though. Perhaps rather than simply taking away the "walking," you could change your reaction. For example, you could pick him up or play with him in another way.

Is there any particular reason (that you can decipher) for him not crawling? Did he just not show interest in moving until he could pull to stand?

 

[JumpingIn]

I think it was a combination of his reflux and his weight. The reflux made him very resistant to tummy time in the early months and despite my efforts he would immediately roll back to his back. As he got older his weight mounted and once he reached the 90th centile at 7 months I think pushing up onto his knees became difficult. Other than that, there is no reason I don't think. He can get up on his knees now but he falls back down pretty quickly. I wish he'd crawl!

I think it might have helped if I hadn't responded so quickly to his frustration very early on. Now it feels like the pattern is set so that even if I'm not intervening he just screams until I have to.

I think he also just has that kind of temperament. He's a very reactive baby. He's quick to temper and quick to be happy again. He's always just been less mellow than my friends' babies the same age.

 

[BunnyN]

I hope you find what works for you. Do let us know how you get on.

Another one that DS loved was finely grated raw apple.

 

[lau86]

Have you tried lentils? They are sloppy and quite bland. My ds1 was a bit the same with loving purées and I think lots of babies are difficult getting them onto solids. I did a gradual transition first pureeing completely then adding small chunks etc

 

[Spudtastic]

With the puree pouch, is it the pouches he likes? Could you try getting reusable pouches and making your own eg baked sweet potato and stewed apple?

These are the ones we have in nz. I'm just putting this link up so you can see what I mean.

Www.kaicarrier.Co.nz

Also I find language and body language plays a huge part in how kids react (I have to remind myself to do this all the time).

For example instead of saying 'shall we have lunch now' or 'do you think we should get our shoes on...." say 'it's lunch time' or 'now we are going to get our shoes on....'
You may do this already but this is something that helped me.

Also have you tried gut healing as he has so many allergies? It's eating certain foods that help to heal the gut. Whilst not curing allergies it can help with some of the other issues caused by the allergies eg behavior, being more relaxed. The types of gut healing foods are pretty much gluten and diary free. For example you could put a probiotic coconut yoghurt in a reusable pouch or make bone broth and mix it with home made fruit puree too. Gelatin is also good.

 

[Spudtastic]

I've been reading this book.

https://www.bookdepository.com/Heal...Happy-Child-Maya-Shetreat-klein/9781509816101

It's by a neurologist who has helped people with children who are described as 'that's just him/his temperament' by healing the gut first. It's very good. It's scientific and not wishy washy at all. It's easy to read and worth it.

 

[misspriss]

DS didn't crawl and he was just fine, went straight to cruising then walking. He never had the need to be helped to cruise though, has your son ever tried hanging on to furniture or the walls? It started with the coffee table for DS, then the living room furniture, then he discovered the walls would lead him anywhere...My MIL did walk around holding his hand and such, but we never did at home just didn't let it happen. Perhaps you could encourage him to use something else for support?