teacher ex - summer holidays

[louandivy]

Me and FOB generally get along very well. We only split up last summer but as he is a teacher during term time he has her alternate weekends and will try to come over some nights on the weekdays but generally I have sole childcare and do all the bedtimes etc outside of weekends once a fortnight. I am also halfway through a psychology degree and work 2 days a week once in an office once at home.

However we have fallen out recently over summer childcare. I.had assumed that we would split childcare 50/50 especially as dom could really use the time to spend quality time.with ivy but he has basically said he wants to have her for 9 nights over the entire summer holiday! His reasoning is.that he is a teacher so he 'deserves a break' which firstly.makes me quite upset as it makes me think he doesn't see spending time.with ivy as.enjoyable but also I feel like he just assumes my life is really easy. I do all the bedtimes, wake up with her in the night, and I'm trying to work too! He got mad.and said that he bends.backwards to.help me.and I do nothing for him which is also really insulting as his girlfriend is a psychopath who.hates my guts and I have gritted my teeth and.done as much as possible to make.her.feel welcome. Also, when he has.ivy he mostly takes her to his parents.house anyway where they proceed to do all the hard stuff!

Am I being unfair in expecting 50/50 over the summer? I just feel.like he wants the.summer off to spend with his girlfriend which is upsetting as I didn't think he would be this.selfish

 

[daneuse27]

That is very upsetting

Personally I wouldn't want my daughter around someone who doesn't want her around. If his priorities are that warped then he doesn't deserve to have 50/50 and its his loss.

 

[Kayley]

If that's the case YOU call the shots and arrange the times that he can have her!

Don't let him dictate to you - you need a life too!!

Grrr men

 

[Ceejay123]

I find that awful that's less than he usually would anyway?!? X

 

[Kate&Lucas]

I'd be very pissed off. I've had countless arguments with FOB over this sort of thing because we'll never agree. He arranges his hours at work so that he has at least one day off "child-free" (which means the days he has Lucas, he drops him off early because he has work the same day. In his opinion, he needs a 'break'. I don't understand this mentality. It's their own child that they already see less than they should, what exactly do they need a break from??
Surely seeing them is a welcome break from not seeing them? I don't get it, it makes it seem like their own children are a burden, and that's just horrible.

 

[louandivy]

Thanks guys. I find that upsetting too kate - especially because my dad passed away when I was young so I really want ivy to have a close relationship with her father that I never.got the chance to have

He has finally agreed to a compromise, it's not 50/50 but I have her for 8 days, he has her for 6 and we are going to alternate that.over the holiday so I still have more childcare but it's better than his original plan. I'm also upset that he is going to Barcelona with his girlfriend because we were supposed to take ivy to shambala together because she loves it so much but he said.he couldn't afford it, yet.can afford.to go to bloody Barcelona if.I could only afford one holiday I would definitely prioritise the one with my daughter, I was even happy for his girlfriend to come along with us but she hates the fact that me.and fob get along as it is so she probably.threw a hissy fit

 

[daneuse27]

Thanks guys. I find that upsetting too kate - especially because my dad passed away when I was young so I really want ivy to have a close relationship with her father that I never.got the chance to have

He has finally agreed to a compromise, it's not 50/50 but I have her for 8 days, he has her for 6 and we are going to alternate that.over the holiday so I still have more childcare but it's better than his original plan. I'm also upset that he is going to Barcelona with his girlfriend because we were supposed to take ivy to shambala together because she loves it so much but he said.he couldn't afford it, yet.can afford.to go to bloody Barcelona if.I could only afford one holiday I would definitely prioritise the one with my daughter, I was even happy for his girlfriend to come along with us but she hates the fact that me.and fob get along as it is so she probably.threw a hissy fit

She hates that you and fob get along?
Sounds like she doesn't really have your daughter's best interests at heart
Would she be around when your daughter is staying with your fob?

 

[Ceejay123]

She shouldn't hate that you and FOB get along... That screams jealousy to me, which means your LO isn't going to be put first by her. I absolutely wish my OH had a relationship with his ex like you and your FOB does - Life would be so much easier for everybody. No good can come out of a negative relationship around children. Well done for being able to get on so well!

My Mum and Dad split up 22 years ago... They get on amazingly. I'm actually on holiday with both of them at the minute, and we all get on great. My Mum went on to have another child, and she sees my Dad as her Dad too (she has a Daddy and a Dad, but understands that my Dad's not her bio Dad). Some people find it strange, but so long as my sister is happy and has an amazing loving family, we don't care.

She's in his will and everything! It's always better when people can put things aside for the kids. I commend you and your OH for doing it. x

 

[Rhio92]

What an arse You'd think he'd want to spend more time with his daughter....

 

[Boomerslady]

Erghhh what a knob. Sounds like he's letting his new GF dictate his life, he'll regret it in years to come.

I'm glad you've sorted a compromise. It's so hard sometimes when you argue with FOB, I try so hard to keep it all good and 1 row can mess it up.