Teacher Is Condescending/Uncooperative

[second.time]

First of all, my 7-year-old can be a tough and challenging kid. He gets frustrated very easily and will go scorched earth quite quickly when he's frustrated or embarrassed. We deal with this at home and it's been a slow, patient process of working with him on finding the right outlets for his emotions. We often discipline him by taking away privileges. There have been many times we've turned around and come home from a fun event when he's being rude, for example. We had been letting him earn time to play on the phone as a reward for days when he was good at school, but lately we just decided to remove phone privileges full-stop.

His first grade teacher messages me frequently through a classroom messaging app. One time she said something like, "[Son] told me that you told him he only had to behave for one day and then never again. I thought that was very interesting." I was a little in disbelief that someone with a degree in early education would sincerely believe that a parent would say something like that. It's such a typical thing for a little kid to say while trying to get away with naughty behavior. I patiently explained that of course I always tell my son that behavior is an ongoing process and we encourage him to be good every single day.

Yesterday, she sent me an abrupt message saying: "[Son] doesn't deserve phone time today." I replied apologizing for his behavior and letting her know that we'd taken away the phone usage recently, so that she'd know I was finding a different consequence. She responded with "Well he certainly seemed upset when I told him Mom was taking away his phone." I told her that was odd, he must be confused, because we'd taken away phone usage last week. She just said "interesting."

I'm genuinely trying and for her to insinuate I'm lying feels unprofessional. Am I overreacting? Any way to diplomatically let her know I'm uncomfortable with the lecturing comments?

 

[AngelUK]

I agree, I would be uncomfortable too! She should be able to deal with him and his behaviour and not let you give him consequences for what goes on in her class room. I would say if you hear he has been behaving well then you giving him rewards is nice but I don't think you should be the one doling out the consequences for "bad" behaviour. Of course she needs to tell you what is happening but not in this manner. A quick word after school at pick up would be much better. Has she come up with any strategies for helping him concentrate and be calm or does she just punish? She doesn't sound very pofessional or understanding

 

[Rags]

I really agree with pp - what happens in school should be dealt with in school, it seems incredibly inappropriate and unfair that a teacher is be able to tell a child what they will miss out on during their out of school time, it's almost spiteful, very 'I'm going to tell on you'. I think I'd be asking for a conference with yourself, DS and teacher during which Ds has the school related consequences of his behaviour while he's there explained to him, knowing that you agree with these. School fallow up at school/home follow up at home with the 2 kept separate. Let's face it, if you've done something you shouldn't have at work your boss doesn't get to reprimand you then call your husband and tell him you've not to watch the tv for a week!!!

 

[second.time]

Thank you! The funny thing is I wasn't even too bothered by her telling me to take away his phone as we've worked together to create consequences. I was initially more bothered by her insinuating that I was lying about our at-home behavior. I worry in acknowledging that my student is a problem student sometimes, I've been too much of a doormat and have invited her to basically criticize our entire family. I have a meeting already arranged on Monday and I hope I can figure out how to broach this respectfully and calmly without getting too emotional. Thank you for your feedback, it helps clarify things.

 

[Bevziibubble]

I agree with the previous posters. His behaviour in school should be dealt with in school. Obviously you would still expect to be told what has happened, but the teacher shouldn't be expecting you to give out consequences for things he's done at school. She sounds quite unprofessional the way she's gone about this.

 

[Babybump87]

Totally agree school incidents stay in school! Kids shouldn’t be punished twice for the same incident (one at school and then Home!).

Would she like it if you messaged her when his behaviour is bad at home ?! . I would go mental and lose my patience ha .

How did the meeting go ?

 

[zorak]

I'm a teacher, your son's teacher is being extremely unprofessional. My advice to you would be simply not to respond. Let the teacher deal with behaviour in school, home is entirely separate. Just don't engage with that level of unprofessionalism.