telling a 6 year old about his biological father...

[Pikkle]

Hi. I didn't know which forum to post this in, and thought this seemed most appropriate.

I have a 6 year old son, from a previous relationship. His father didn't want anything to do with him (Emotional violence etc, from him, and once he saw I wasn't taking it anymore, we never saw him again!)

Anyway, I got into a new relationship, when he was 2. He loves my partner, and one day when he was about 3 and a half, 4, he asked if he was his daddy, and could he call him daddy. We said yes thats fine, and left it at that. He obviously knew he wasn't his 'real' daddy by things he has said (such as you haven't been here always have you? where were you when I was born? etc)

We now have a 14 month old daughter too.

DS has a few behavioural issues, and I have been talking with the school, and they think its a good idea, to 'piece things together' and tell him about his real father, and his background, and in their experience, they're better off being told young. Thats fine by me, we have never intentionally made him unaware of it or anything, and he does know deep down I think, so it will probably benefit him to know the whole story (well, I say whole, I won't tell him how horrible his father was!)

We are having help from a child psychotherapist which is brilliant. School have helped find the best way to tell him, and have passed us on to these people, which I am very grateful for, and I know he will be able to be told properly, and informatively whilst in these 'sessions'

has anyone had experience of this? and what questions should I expect him to ask me, when we aren't in sessions?

I never want him to think he is unwanted. He is very confident in some ways, but he has just lately started thinking that everyone hates him. He thinks a certain teacher hates him, because he shouts. He had an allergic reaction, and the doctors didn't do much to find out what to, and he said 'ah they probably don't really care about me' and if I ever get cross, he thinks I hate him too. I'm worried about him thinking noone wants him I love him so much

Sorry for rambling on, any advice would be fantastic!

Thank you

Stacey x

 

[Pikkle]

Anyway, I got into a new relationship, when he was 2. He loves my partner, and one day when he was about 3 and a half, 4, he asked if he was his daddy, and could he call him daddy. We said yes thats fine, and left it at that. He obviously knew he wasn't his 'real' daddy by things he has said (such as you haven't been here always have you? where were you when I was born? etc)

Just to clarify. We didn't answer 'yes' to, is he my daddy? We said you can call him daddy if you like, but didn't answer specifically the 'is he my daddy?' question. Maybe I should have ...

 

[billy2mm]

i have no advice to offer except to answer any and all questions as honestly as you can be relevant to his age (maybe you dont want to tell him about the abuse side just yet if he is thinking no one likes him as it may make him think "my dads like that so im going to end up like that too" and make him worse iygwim?)

im dreading the daddy question. my youngest was 2 and a half so he must remember his dad but he has never once asked for him or about him but i know it wont be long till i get that question.