Telling me nicely to loose weight, I feel terrible now

[DJMooMoo79]

Ive always been a tiny girl, thin waist with a large bottom. And he has always liked my body that way with no complaints.

Only now at 17 weeks, I am obviously expanding, and not only just a large bottom, I'm just large overall.

I honestly haven't gained that much, it really is just the baby expanding, but I don't think he sees it that way. The other day I made the joke that if I ever get too large to let me know and I'll trim down for him and my heart just broke when I saw him hesitate and purse his lips together. Today he finally told me that for "my health and the baby's" I need to consider dieting and exercise.

I now just feel so very unattractive and terrible about my body image. The thing is, I never exercised before the pregnancy (ever), and I have mitrovalveprolapse so just walking up the stairs to get to the apartment with the extra blood I'm producing is adding pressure on my chest. The idea of running or doing push ups makes me nervous. I can't get mad at him, he is just being honest and he said it so nice. But now I can't shake how uncomfortable I am in my body.

How can I overcome feeling so unattractive?
Do I diet and exercise and feel a little better about myself, but risk complication?
Or steer clear and continue and feel like such a cow?

 

[kel21]

You are not supposed to diet or loose weight while pregnant. He is being a butt. You are not fat, you are growing a human being. It will change the shape of your body. No amount of diet or exercise will stop the changes. Pregnancy is a beautiful thing, and even if he can't see it, you should.

 

[DJMooMoo79]

You are not supposed to diet or loose weight while pregnant. He is being a butt. You are not fat, you are growing a human being. It will change the shape of your body. No amount of diet or exercise will stop the changes. Pregnancy is a beautiful thing, and even if he can't see it, you should.

Lmao! Thank you so much for that. Reading he is a butt made me smile.

 

[SonAmyMom]

Take him with you to the next OB appointment. With him there, ask about exercise (make sure the doc remembers you didn't before and have the condition ... Like "with my issues, should I even think about exercising?") and your weight gain. The doctor will most likely tell you that you're gaining fine (in no way should you be losing weight right now"). With your guy right there, he can't really tell you later to diet or exercise.

Do consider swimming, thoug --even if it's really just hanging out in a pool and walking in the shallow end. The buoyancy from the water can help relieve swelling and pressure.

I agree with precious poster, he's being kind of a jerk.

 

[tinymumma]

Definitely agree with pp. Pregnancy changes you, it's something you don't have control over. Doctors will rarely recommend losing weight whilst pregnancy. Only if you werr obese prior to pregnancy (which by the sound of it you certianly weren't!) even then, the recommend this prior to conception. A doctor will never tell you that dieting and weight loss during pregnancy is ok because it isn't! What a bum hole! You're growing his child! Don't get down on yourself xo The changes your body are going through are 100% normal and it's hard enough for us as women go accept that without judgement from your OH

 

[Rickles]

It's hard to get a perspective on this - how much weight have you gained....

I mean if you have gained 30lbs at 17 weeks, the guy has a point, you don't want to end up with Gestational Diabetes (if you can avoid it) and you'll also have a lot of sagging skin afterwards if you end up gaining 60/70lbs in pregnancy and childbirth is tough - tougher if you've gained 4/5 stone and done nothing for 9 months...

A member of my family did just this and she gave me and my other SILs a big talking to about not doing what she did... She lost half the weight but still hates her body and told us all to keep to 25-35lbs. (We are all average size 10 - 14 girls) I know if you weigh less you should sometimes gain more...

However if you have gained between 1 and 12lbs - he's being a total tosser. Simple.

 

[Alydh48]

I think you could be a little mad at him if you wanted lol. I wouldn't be very happy about it. I'm sure your beautiful and your all the more beautiful now for the amazing thing your doing with your body. To be honest the fact that your growing another little
Human that your husband is going to love and
Adore should make your body beautiful to him even if you had packed a tonne of weight on. Pregnancy is such an amazing experience but it can leave us feeling a little vulnerable especially about our changing bodies. It's us women who really have to deal with these changes in our body not just during but also after. Try to think would you be at all critical if it were your husband carrying the baby and I'm
Sure the answer would be no. Right now instead of worrying about diet and exercise you should just eat healthy for you and the baby and embrace your ever growing curves. And if he says anything else that makes you feel a little rubbish then use your baby weight to sit on him until he shuts up lol. Xx

 

[Brightxeyes]

You expect to look like all these movie pregnant ladies on tv, or the pregnant models for clothing and on books. It doesn't happen that way.

I've never been more freaked out than seeing myself in a bra and pants. I look so crazy!

I too had a tiny waist, slim tummy and a decent sized bum! So to have a little more on my butt and add at least ten inches onto my waist line is horrifying for me alone never mind about what my other half thinks!

As long as you eat a healthy balanced diet, have good sized meals drink plenty of water and the only excercises i allow myself to do is walking (I never did any special sports or excercising before and you're not meant to really take up anything new and strenuous) then that's the best you can do.

If anything, swimming is good for all pregnant ladies to take up. Well water fitness classes especially for pregnant ladies! I keep telling myself I'm going to go but im still plucking up the courage to find a bathing suit!

You won't get smaller, but it'll help you do some gentle excercises that keeps your core muscles strong which is ideal for child birth. You may start to feel a little less flabbier on say your legs etc from doing it maybe, but you're not gonna turn into those slim tiny women with just a bump alone. And I don't recommend aiming for that look either.

You have plenty of time to get fit afterwards. Ask your midwife if you're at a healthy weight and size for your baby. I'm sure she'll say you're perfectly fine, and your boyfriend can shut up!

I moan and moan about how fat I feel right now but I know I'm determined to get back to a healthy shape after my pregnancy and that's all that matters!

He's just simply not used to it, all ladies put weight on differently. He one weight gain men love is on your boobs! And maybe bum! But educate him. Do you or he know that when you get extra fat around where you have 'love handles' starting to grow? The fat there eventually breaks down into breast milk. So literally that area of fat is for storing breast milk. It's not fat because you're getting fat, it's fat to feed your baby! I was surprised to learn and so was my boyfriend!

Breast feeding is great for helping you shed the pounds afterwards so I'm going to give it a good try when baby is here

 

[RcdM]

Yeah, he really should have just kept his mouth shut... he should know better that comments like that get him no where and just make us feel horrible! I realize he said it "nicely" but he has to know how that makes you feel.

Maybe just have a talk with him and let him know how you feel now. He probably doesn't realize how harshly we take comments like that. Our DH's are the ones we should feel most comfortable with during pregnancy! I feel huge because I'm a lot bigger with this one than with my first. And sometimes I complain that I feel fat or feel like a whale. And DH will say "you're not fat, you're pregnant!" Maybe I'm just fishing for a self esteem boost or something, lol, but it makes me feel good when he says stuff like that. Although, sometimes when we're hugging or something he'll make comments about how big my belly is and we can't reach each other anymore LOL. But I know he's just saying my belly is big because it was NEVER this big with our first, I'm in as much shock over it as he is lol so I don't mind those comments about my belly so much.

But anyway. He should make you feel pretty anytime, that is his job, and he needs to know that every woman's body changes so differently, and for the most part we can't help it. The diet and exercise can come after the baby. Right now, you are beautiful no matter what because you are growing a human being inside you.