telling people the truth?

[george83]

how did you guys all find the strength to admit that you were doing this alone? Basically my husband has left me alone since the day i told him i was pregnant, i thought he was having an affair with somebody from his work, he'd disappear for two weeks on end come home all sorry and we'd have two great days and then it would start all over again. i know i was stupid to let him do it but i so badly wanted us to be a real family and thought he'd change when the baby was born. It turns out he has a drug problem and wasn't having an affair (although i'm not convinced it wasn't both) and my baby is now 4 months old and he's still treating us like rubbish. i thought things would be better for my birthday next week and christmas but last night he just disappeared again.

I'm just don't know how to tell people the truth and admit that actually even though everybody thinks we have the perfect happy marriage and now perfect family it's all just lies. How did you all manage to be so brave and cope with it?

 

[MummyJade]

Oh massive hugs to you...

Must be so hard to live like that...

Your a strong person by putting up with him and his ways..
Imo i think you need to kick him out, change the locks push him to sort himself out.

Being brave is something you just find because your doing it for your baby/babies...
You sound like your doing all the work on your own and he is just making it harder on you... Without having to worry about him i am sure you will be alot better...

There is nothing to be ashamed of, No one would judge you if anything they will want to help you and make sure you and the LO are ok...

x

 

[angelpkj]

aww hun
it's hard at first
you need to remember your not the one to blame so you shouldn't be ashamed
in time you will learn to feel slightly proud when you admit your going at it alone

there is the odd moment,where people have asked where the dad is or wheres my partner (without realising ) and i feel wierd having to say there is no dad around my son

 

[Laura2919]

Massive to you. It must be difficult to wonder when he is next going off again.

It sounds like you need to have a clean break, he needs to sort himself out and you need a better environment for your child to be born and grow up in.

Its hard sometimes to admit I am a single parent, people look at me because I am nearly 25 and think yeah just your typical single parent, dont work, dont do anything and have no stable home for her children. But its not like that. I was with FOB for 6 and half years before we split, we were a family and I dont intend to be anything different if I meet the right man.
I think if people stopped judging single parents and focused on the reasons why they wouldnt have this bad feeling towards us.

The one thing that gets me through is that only I raised my children. FOB might have the twins but 8 days out of 28 doesnt make him anything more than a part time dad. I struggled to get him to have them these times.

Soon enough tho you wont even have to tell people because the people who matter already know

Im not ashamed of why I am a single parent and if people stop to ask the reasons I happily tell them. My children deserve the best and FOB and I together arent giving them the best in life. FOB and I apart can give them the best.

 

[Erinsmummy]

So sorry your going through this. My LO's dad left me when i was 6 months pregnant, said "dont want to be a fulltime dad" He still sees her and we have all moved on now but ill never ever forget how i felt when he left.
When i told people he had left me most people were really annoying and said "oh it will work out" "he will be back" "did you just have a row" I knew him well enough to know he was serious when he said he was leaving, people didnt take our split seriously for weeks. (even though we had never split up before!) It looked like we had the perfect relationship, so was a shock to people. Best thing you can do is be honest with yourself before anyone else. Is this it now? Are you really going to put a stop to him messing you around? If your ready to face facts that your on your own, then tell people, they should want to be supportive and help you get through it, which you will!

 

[Erinsmummy]

And being a single parent is NOTHING to be ashamed of. Some parents are better parents when they are apart xx

 

[teal]

I'm not ashamed of being a single parent but I do find it hard to talk about.

 

[Laura2919]

I find it hard to talk about because people just assume its because you didnt work on your relationship. I cant remember my life without him in it. We were together years.

 

[Jahzmine]

Hey everyone,

I don't usually venture out in the parenting blogs but I'm doing research on how hard it would be to raise a teenager. I'm a single woman trying to conceive with donor sperm (first baby). This post caught my eye and for all the wonderful, strong, single moms out there - there's no shame in being a single mom. You'll find strength within yourself and joy with your kids. It's ironic that, at the end of the day, quite a few of us end up parenting kids - on our own. Whether we started out that way or not. Mourn the loss of the relationship, cry your eyes out but remember to smile because you have a little face looking up at you and is always willing to throw those pudgy arms around you and say 'Love you mom'.

Just my two cents.