Telling your parents??

[Mrs G]

Hey ladies. Just wondered about your thoughts/experiences on telling your parents about having treatment.

I am very close to my parents and it feels really wrong to me to be going into hospital (for anything) without them knowing but I can't decide if I want to tell them.

I am worried they might not understand the process (bearing in mind IVF didn't exsist when I was born!) they might not agree with it, they might blame themselves, they might suffocate me with sympathy and kindness, although they never pressure they are desparate for grandchildren so it might build up their hopes too much......so many things!

Please let me know what you think.

Thanks
Kath xx

 

[Kelly9]

We didn't plan on telling any family or close friends we were ttc but when we got bad news about DH's parents divorcing after 28 yrs of marriage we decided to tell just them to give them something to be happy about and to think about. For a long time they were the only ones close to us who knew and to be honest it was nice having them to confide in and chat with instead of always trying not to let anything slip. When we found out about DH's issues I was so upset that I wanted my mom so I called her and was bawling my eyes out as I made her swear not to tell anyone other then my father then I told her. Both our parents had no issues or opinions for or against the treatments they just supported us and told us they wanted us to be happy etc. I wasn't worried about them not believing in the treatments etc. So no one other then they know and others who are not so close to us. We live away from home so people where we live now know but none of our closest people back home. You gotta do what feels right, for me it was crying to my mom and looking for support.

 

[CurlySue]

You can never tell how your family are going to behave when they learn something like this but it's important to remember that everyone is different. One person might suffocate in sympathy, another person might back off and not want to speak of it. They might not understand it but as to whether they agree with it or not, it's not really an issue. It's your body after all and if this is the only way they get their grandchild then they will eventually come 'round to it.

Do what's best for you. Don't worry about anybody else. I'm sure they'd rather know that you were going to the hospital for something elective like IVF rather than something worse.

 

[kristy87]

im very close to my mum, but havent told her. tbh, id prob get a lecture about oh have you got enough money/mortgage is it the right time etc. ill have to tell her one day, but im not sure when that will be x

 

[Dilek]

Mrs G i did tell them through my 1st cycle. I think it has its benefits to tell them, but again they dont really understand. Its the same with close friends, no matter how close they are. DH and I have decided not to tell anyone when its our turn again.

Even going through the miscarriage i had wished no one knew. The support, understanding and love frm DH was enough to get through the rough time together.

Im sure u will make the right decision.

 

[sparkle83]

I told my mum the first month we started ttc, but then I was only 16 lol. We also told DHs mum and sister, and my gran. Everyone said we were mental to start so young, but guess what, the larks on them, with ten years IF under our belts (gotta find the positive somewhere lol)

 

[JASMAK]

I tell my parents everything, although, they are not super sympathetic nor supportive. My mom just can't understand why I want children so much (espesially since I have two already). She didn't want any of us kids, so she just doesn't get it in the first place. But, I tell her anyways...maybe just to see her cringe. LOL! I wish she was more supportive, but not sympathetic.

 

[loretto]

I told my mum because I needed somebody to lighten the load I suppose. Haven't told my Dad, and I know my mum wouldn't have, just because he wouldn't want to hear. My dad doesn't do "women's problems" or "bad news"! It's best he's kept in the dark! I also discussed it with friends, one of which has already been through IVF and has lovely baby boy. Mum and friend have been great however I also told another friend and she has taken an active role in trying to persuade me to fly over to countries like Sweden and America, based on her daily google research into my problem! Nightmare. My husband told his mum. I didn't mind. I knew it helped him to get things off his chest. However this has brought about a new predicament. She has attained clomid drugs from a friend who doesn't need them and is trying to persuade me to use them before I start IVF. Unsure what to do. My ovulation is normal. Basically these are black market drugs and she is my dealer!!

 

[chocci]

We have FET as you know over next few weeks, regardless of the outcome of that both our parents will be told about what we are going through as its getting harder to keep it from them, if its negative then it will be sooner than if positive since we will wait until after scans if that happens. To be hoenst i will feel relieved since DH parents mention things lla the time and they need telling really!

 

[rachelle1975]

I knew how my family would react and they didn't dissappoint. Really suportive and very fantastic. Even now they wait for
me to tell them what is happening and don't ask too many questions. I wouldn't want to go through it all without them knowing

 

[Lilly123]

we told alot of people.. we got alot of support... its totally individual...

good luck hun

xxx

 

[missmarls]

Both of our families have been very supportive with our struggle. DH and I are both super close with our parents, so not telling them didn't even cross our minds. I think my parents are a bit more understanding though, as they struggled for awhile to have their first and were starting to research adoption when my sister came along. They also waited until they were older and more financially comfortable before trying. My mom is so excited that I'm finally seeing a FS and says she thinks woman these days are lucky for all of the treatments available to us...in the seventies, you were just told "well, if you've been trying this long and it hasn't happened, it's not going to. Look into adopting!"

 

[peekaboo]

Myself and my DH were very open with people (including parents) when they asked if we would be TTC after getting married, which was over a year ago. So although they know we are actively trying, they've never asked any more and we haven't told them. We're only just at the stage where we've started having tests and have just been referred to a FS, but still haven't told them any more. If it got to the point where we needed 'actual treatment' I'm pretty sure we'd tell them, as I wouldn't feel right not doing (I am close to both my own parents and to DH's parents and they usually ask us what we've been up to etc, so would probably have to lie to avoid telling them, which I wouldn't want to do). If they asked us the situation now we'd tell them but they havent - I'm assuming this is because they don't want to pry.

As for friends, most of my friends know we're TTC and know what stage we're at. In hindsind I kind of wish some didn't know as I get asked about it all the time, but then on the other hand I would find it hard to lie and pretend that we weren't bothered about having babies at the moment. It's kind of nice to get their support. Some of them are not much use at giving support as they don't understand (ie. ones that haven't started TTC yet or ones that have got pregnant easily so just give the usual useless advice!) but some friends have been amazing and some have been through this too so can give us their genuine support.

I think there's only ever the two of you that know what's right in your own situation. x

 

[Blue12]

I personally didn't want anyone to know until medical intervention in which i would still only want to tell our parents. I even find it hard now cause some friends are prying to find out when why blah blah blah and we keep lying and pretending we are completely non-interested in the whole ttc idea. I won't mind sharing with them if we either get our bfp (3 months) or if we begin the adoption process.

I think it is a very personal decision though.

 

[Helen]

We told both our parents when we were told that we would need IVF. We were pretty devastated although not surprised by the news and we wanted them to know what was happening to be able to provide support for us.

I have to say my folks were brilliant about it, sometimes you just can't beat a cuddle from your Mum no matter how old you are. She did lots of research and found out as much as she could about what would happen and the day I told her I was PG was so emotional.

DH's parents struggled to understand, I think, what it meant and what would happen but they were good and were thrilled when we had good news for them.

 

[RainbowMum]

I don't live in the same country as my mum so I don't think I will tell her once we start TTC because we're not that close to each other anymore.
She'll probably find out along with anyone else at 12 weeks.

Considering that my partner is female, there's no pressure really [as in "now that you're married, aren't you going to try for children?"]
The only thing she knows is that I promised her to 'start' before I turn 30, but that's 3 years from now ;-)

 

[Brambletess]

Everyone knows about my IVF. Can't be bothered to keep it secret. Occasionly people ask me when treatment is starting but don't feel any pressure. Most friends are quite knowlegable about it and don't see it as a major deal. My mum is great, and seems pretty realistic about it all. I am not hiding IVF as I just see myself as ttc like any other couple. Just with a little more help. Of course ttc, is hugely personal for some people and I totally respect and understand that. We are all different. Xx good luck with what you decide. I think to some extent, people follw your lead and if you are happy and relaxed about the treatment, then people tend to feel a lot more comfortable talking about it. Your parents may well suspect stuff anyway.

 

[BigFoot1980]

My mum knows, so does my MIL and SIL and tons of friends It seems I have really nosy people around me I have this weakness that when some ones asks me a direct question I just blurt out everything.

So when people asks me when I am planning to have kids I just tell them. But don't get me wrong not everyone but definitely friends and family.


To be honest I am not happy now that so many people know, because they keep asking me questions like So did you see the doctor again? or what happened after the test? and so on.... There are days when I just don't want to talk about it and then I don't have a choice. So now I wish no one knew.

 

[BizyBee]

I only really confided in my sister. She knows about the testing, Clomid, and acupuncture. I called to tell her that I have an appointment with the fertility specialist next month to discuss my next options and she offered to go with me. I am glad I have someone to support me, but also happy that I did not share my story with the whole family.

 

[Mrs G]

Thank you so much for all your replies girls.

So sorry to hear your news bizy

Bit of an update for you... told my parents yesterday. i was absolutely sh*tting myself but now I am so relieved I did. It feels like things are 'normal' again. I didn't really realise how much I was hiding from them and how secretive I was being. They came round today and had a good root through the very large box of meds which was delivered this morning. I think my dad is convinced it'll work first time.... go PMA Dad!!

xx