tentatively NTNP...partner not completely on board

[foodiewife]

I came off BCPs after 13 years on them! I feel so much more "normal" and of course its exciting to know that I *could* get pregnant now. I was a crazy symptom spotter when on BC and would sometimes take pg tests while knowing it was quite unlikely that I was pg. So, I stopped taking the pill about a month ago and hubs and I are sometimes pulling out but sometimes not... The other day he mentioned that he didn't pull out and I asked if he was okay with it. He said that he wanted to get another job first and that we should take a trip to Spain. I didn't really say much in response but kinda got a little angry but didn't let him know that.

Then earlier today...another no-pull-out session. On one hand, I feel that he knows what the consequences of his actions might be and he keeps doing it so, why should I say anything. On the other hand, I don't want him to resent me or be angry if I do get pregnant. Part of me knows that he might be angry at first but would get over it very quickly and then be happy so it's worth the risk. But another part of me wants him to be completely on board so I can be excited, but then again I know that he might not ever be "ready" so if this is the best I can get then I can just let him do what he will. I'm afraid if I approach it again then I will back to waiting.

Grrr, frustrating partners! Anyone else ever been in a similar situation? What did you do?

 

[Joggermom]

I'm sort of in the same boat as you. My SO is Dead set on not having anymore children but a couple months ago stopped pulling out. And were still after over 7 years like rabbits. I figure that he is a big boy and knows how babies are made. I dont mention TTC or just plain making a baby because I dont want to draw attention to it. I have always made it clear that I want at least one more. I, like you, just wish I could share my excitement with him.

 

[foodiewife]

It is a similar situation! I laughed at your "big boy" comment. I feel the exact same way about drawing attention to it. I'm not sure how much excitement I would get even if he were 100% on board anyways. I'm going to let it ride unless he makes another comment about it. Then maybe we will have a conversation about it.

 

[Lastchances]

Kinda the same boat here. He knows more about my cycles than any man I've been with and hasn't used a condom since April. Not only do we talk almost oddly openly but we've reguarly had sed even with AF around, so he knows! We had quite a lot of sex in May. No way he can't claim to know. And although I was a fairly flawless condom user my whole life, for reasons I'm not entirely sure of, I let it be and I don't remind him. We had sex pretty much my entire fertile window in May. I know he knows darn well. I don't see why I have to go out of my way to remind him. If I really made a point of it he probably would use it, but it seems he'd rather not. Like we have some sort of "mutual plausible deniability" thing going on. Lol

 

[foodiewife]

haha! i love that! mutual plausible deniability! he doesn't know anything about my cycles, and neither do i since i've not had a full one since coming off the hormones. nothing to do but wait and see what happens. i'll be testing next weekend probs because i'm a noobie and i think every cramp is a sign of implantation. i hope to have a conversation with him before that...or after

 

[Sweety21]

Aww, we kind of had same situation when our first baby was conceived. He would pullout sometimes and sometimes he won't so, I didn't give much attention to it and vola we have 1.7month old daughter as a result of it. Things are different this time but, he is onboard for 2nd which is completely surprise for me but, we haven't started baby dance just yet. Just keep doing what you are doing

 

[Lastchances]

Lol. Glad you like it. The idea of us having a baby is a little insane at this point, circumstantially etc, but we don't exactly have time to do everything "right." And really, the odds are sooo low of it happening (and lasting) one would really have to think it was meant to, at that point. And frankly, I'm 41! I've been such a freaking good girl so many years, even while married (to someone who didn't want kids) and I really don't care what anyone has to say about things anymore. I already know my mother would treat me like a knocked up teenager, but that's just how she is with me. Whatever.

 

[Flip flop]

I came off bc about a year ago for a few months until dh changed his mind. Ever since then he's been pulling out. Not sure if this counts as ntnp but I thought I'd add it in anyway. I just pray that he stops pulling out too! We have agreed to having another in 2 years but seems like such a long way away. Maybe if I stop bringing it up so much hell relax about it.

 

[Lastchances]

I hope it goes the way you want, flip flop! Maybe he'll get lazy about it and start slipping again. Pulling out is a ridiculous BC method anyway. It's not safe anyway and it's just...abrupt. Yuck. Keep us posted!

 

[Flip flop]

I know! He doesn't seem to mind doing it but I can't help but think it must ruin the moment a bit. It seems to have worked ok for us for the past year but that might actually be because we haven't bd'd that much.

 

[Lastchances]

The other night my guy kinda did that and I questioned it, but it was only that one time and it turned out it was just an odd sensation thing, he felt the need to, and he had mostly finished anyway. But yeah, it was abrupt and did somewhat ruin the moment. Kinda less intimate. Plus, well...though perhaps I shouldn't be, I was thinking I wanted...as many as possible in there. Earlier tonight, just in case, I found my hand behind him sorta lightly trying to prevent him from doing it anyway. Lol. (NOT to where I could actually take away his choice of course) He didn't seem to even attempt to pull out, though. In fact I could swear he made a point of doing quite the opposite. Which I also noticed. He surely knows the timing of things, so it's all a bit perplexing to me. Mixed messages for sure! Maybe like me he's all over the place and can't help it. Possible I suppose.

Is he pulling out every time now or just higher risk times?

 

[foodiewife]

started this thread towards the end of cycle 1 and i'm currently starting cycle #3 now. of course troll body makes me think i'm pregnant every cycle but this past one, i didnt waste a bunch of expensive tests. just waited for af who showed up today. cd1 sucks.

however, last weekend hubs and i went to a family wedding and all of the married couple our age have kids...every. single. couple. in fact, one couple has three kids, another has one already and one on the way and i just got all fomo for some reason...it seems like the time is right, everyone is in the little kid stage and we are going to miss it because we're "smart" and we're waiting.

my husband mentioned that he had fun with all the kids and i asked him if he was ready yet and he said "i'm thinking about it." that might be all that i get for now...we'll see what he says during my next fw...

five minutes ago i was all, "it's ok that i got my period...i am not really ready to be pregnant yet..." now, i'm ready to cry...

lkajfdiuohthagbjdhbfaksdkj....

 

[WDWJess]

Hi just wanted you to know I've been in the same boat since late 2010 and have 2 beautiful children and still happily married even though at times DH does act like he's lost out in some way as he states he never wanted children! We're now currently in the same situation again! Have not used any bc since falling pg with DD but have been mostly protected as been bf DD. AF returned in June so he is aware I'm fertile again yet hasn't persisted on asking me to use bc and he pulls out sometimes but not every time! I would love another baby so I asked him if we could ttc which he of course said no to yet doesn't seem too bothered about the fact I could easily fall pg with us not preventing?! Yet again I'm confused! I was so scared both times before about telling him I was pg it would be nice to feel excited for a change if it was to happen again lol!

 

[Carlee3]

I came off bc about a year ago for a few months until dh changed his mind. Ever since then he's been pulling out. Not sure if this counts as ntnp but I thought I'd add it in anyway. I just pray that he stops pulling out too! We have agreed to having another in 2 years but seems like such a long way away. Maybe if I stop bringing it up so much hell relax about it.

I'm in almost exactly the same boat! I got rid of my IUD a year ago (yay! hated the thing!) and now my OH keeps pulling out! Yet he talks like he's even more enthusiastic about having a baby (or two he says) with me. Soooo frustrating!
So I spoke to him about it and, long story short, he had his reasons but now he's now genuinely on board. Hopefully we will be giving it a proper go this cycle.

 

[Rymel12]

I'm in a similar situation to you ladies. My hubby and I have a 20 month old and I've recently silently decided I'm ready to be pregnant again. I don't think my hubby is totally on board with having another right now as I joked about another baby a couple of months ago and he said we don't have the space for another kid (our house is small). He does want another child at some point he has said but who knows when. So with that said, cd 10 happened a few days ago (it was maybe ten minutes from cd11). I tell him that it's cd10 and if he doesn't pull out there's a small risk. so if he wants to play roulette go ahead. So then he doesn't pull out. Today is day 13, I have ovulation cramps and we do it again but this time he pulls out. I was hoping he wouldn't but wasn't surprised that he did. I'm crossing my fingers for baby dust this month. I was clear with him about the risk and he made the choice, but I know odds are against a BFP being that it was pretty far off from ovulation. Crossing my fingers anyways...

 

[Zoundz]

My husband has never been entirely on board... he has decided finally, that he's happy to NTNP, but not really try anyway yet - he really doesn't want us to get too hung up on things, and just let nature take its course, but that is definitely not my personality.

I guess only you can decide what's right for you and your partner... I hope things work out for you though

xx

 

[wonderstruck]

I'm kind of in a similar situation. I say we are ttc, but it is really going to be more of a ntnp thing as I plan to just keep being spontaneous about things, not really planning around my ovulation, etc. My partner kind of has the attitude that whatever happens happens and we'll roll with it, but I have terrible anxiety and am a big planner and it's always been important to me that I feel he is completely on board and wants it as much as I do. He tells me not to tell him when I'm going to go off my pill but I feel like that's tricking him and that's not how I want it to be. Originally we planned that I would stop taking it in March and then it was clear by his actions that he wasn't ready so we tacked on another 6 months and now I'm just coming to the end of my last package. I know he would be happy if I got pregnant, although I'm sure a little freaked out at first since it will be our first. But like you said, if he knows you aren't protected and he is still choosing not to pull out knowing full well the potential consequence then he must at least in some small part want it or be okay with it. That's a conscious decision on his part so I don't think you should worry about him resenting you or being angry at you if it were to result in pregnancy, as it takes two to tango. I think for a lot of people they will never feel or state that they are completely 'ready' but when it happens it's a positive thing.

 

[magicalmom2be]

I'm kind of in a similar situation. I say we are ttc, but it is really going to be more of a ntnp thing as I plan to just keep being spontaneous about things, not really planning around my ovulation, etc. My partner kind of has the attitude that whatever happens happens and we'll roll with it, but I have terrible anxiety and am a big planner and it's always been important to me that I feel he is completely on board and wants it as much as I do. He tells me not to tell him when I'm going to go off my pill but I feel like that's tricking him and that's not how I want it to be. Originally we planned that I would stop taking it in March and then it was clear by his actions that he wasn't ready so we tacked on another 6 months and now I'm just coming to the end of my last package. I know he would be happy if I got pregnant, although I'm sure a little freaked out at first since it will be our first. But like you said, if he knows you aren't protected and he is still choosing not to pull out knowing full well the potential consequence then he must at least in some small part want it or be okay with it. That's a conscious decision on his part so I don't think you should worry about him resenting you or being angry at you if it were to result in pregnancy, as it takes two to tango. I think for a lot of people they will never feel or state that they are completely 'ready' but when it happens it's a positive thing.

My husband has never been entirely on board... he has decided finally, that he's happy to NTNP, but not really try anyway yet - he really doesn't want us to get too hung up on things, and just let nature take its course, but that is definitely not my personality.

I guess only you can decide what's right for you and your partner... I hope things work out for you though

xx

Zoundz and Wonderstruck....

My situation is JUST like yours. I'm wanting to plan, but DP is like "just let it happen." We've been NTNP for 3 years. In that first year, he would pull out around the time I ovulated (he knows the math), but it wasn't long before he stopped pulling out and even wants to BD more while I ovulate...it's the CF, lol... but says he's still not ready.

So, even though I would LOVE if he was planning with me, sharing the excitement and anticipation each cycle, the bright side is...even though he's "not ready," I'm soooo thankful that he does not pull out, and is okay with it "just happening."

My heart goes out to the women who want to conceive, but their DH's pull out.

 

[magicalmom2be]

This may be TMI, but... how I got my DP to stop pulling out, during BD, I'd talk dirty and tell him how much I wanted him to in me...that it turned me on...and felt so good...be really into it while he and really into it even after...

After a while, he stopped pulling out all together. They never really want to pull out, so if you're turned on by it, it seems to make them weak and harder to pull out. lol...

 

[Gella]

It looks like no ones been on this thread for a bit, but it seemed like an appropriate place to share my frustrations. My partner's been very much of the opinion that we weren't going to try until we were completely set up (secure jobs, savings, owning a house, etc.) we're still quite young in the scheme of things, and I want to travel before having kids, so I've agreed and haven't been in any rush, but I still seem to be in a perpetual state of cluckiness, and I don't hide that from him. However he seems to have changed his mind somewhat quite recently.
I came off bcp at the start of the year intending to switch methods, although my cycle never came back so we've been sticking to condoms until my body/my doctor can figure out what's going on. But I'm not a huge fan of them and sometimes try and talk him out of using them, and usually it doesn't work, but recently he went with it. I asked if he was sure, I even asked what would happen if I got pregnant, and his response was basically that it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world of we had a baby. We haven't been using them since. I don't really know where this has come from.
I know the odds are still pretty unlikely at the moment because I still have no cycle to speak of, but I'm worried if it does happen it's not actually what he wants and he's just doing it because he knows I want it. At the moment I'm going to just go with it, and whatever happens, happens. But geez, men are confusing sometimes..