Terrified of anger issues

[alwaysforever]

Please do not judge me. Iv had anger issues for a long time ranging from hitting people to trying to run them over. After i do these things i cry and cry and tell myself that it wont happen again but i get this rage building up inside me and it bursts out. Im terrified of what will happen when my babys here. I have a doctors appointment next week to talk about my issues and i want to get things sorted before my baby comes but i dont know what to say to my doctors. Im terrified that if i tell them about my problems they will take my baby away, but im scared if i dont tell them about my problems they will never get sorted.

Iv had many counsellings etc and they never seem to work. I cant open up to people and talk to them i find it hard. Please help

 

[Tanara]

You wont harm your baby hun. You need to talk to someone maybe you have bi-polar or something which they have medications for. just stay strong.

 

[QuintinsMommy]

hey, I had a REALLY bad temper! i even punched my ex before I felt awful!
i never ever lose my temper with Q, and when i get stressed I put him in his crib, and take a few seconds to breath and go pick him up again
good luck hun

 

[Croc-O-Dile]

I have a horrible temper as well. I have borderline personality disorder, which was mistaken for bipolar as the symptoms are similar. The only real way to tell the difference is meds can't treat Borderline. They make it worse. I've controlled it with fish oil/flaxseed & Omega-3 capsules as well as yoga & meditation. I haven't had a borderline episode in almost 3 years.

I will admit that I get frustrated with Olivia and sometimes feel like screaming at her. But I never do. I know it's not her fault that she won't settle. And I'm not actually mad at her, I'm just frustrated because I feel like a failure. (although that's because of PND)

I frequently have to put her down and walk into the other room to cool down. Then I feel so bad about leaving her there to cry that I end up apologizing to her and telling her how much I love her, etc.

It really is different when you deal with your own child.

One thing I've found that really helps me get through the tough times is actually the story of another BnB member. I won't name any names, but this lady has had it really rough. And at this point, nobody deserves an Earth baby more than her. So when Olivia's screaming at 4am and won't settle and I just feel like screaming and pulling my hair out, I think of her. And I think of how lucky I am to even have a screaming baby.

 

[alwaysforever]

Thanks girls. Iv become violent towards my OH ranging from pushing him to trying to run him over. I cant believe the things i do. I dont know why i do it. My mum thinks i have depression or bi-polar but i dont know what to say to doctors. I keep a mood diary and its so up and down. I feel like i can only talk to people about how i really feel when im having a down day but everytime i have doctors i dont feel like anything is wrong x

 

[aob1013]

You need to get to the doctors ASAP and tell them what you just told us. They will not take your baby away, they will see you are doing something productive and will hopefully prescribe you medication or some CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy). You must sort this before baby arrives, they push you to the edge.

 

[18singlemom2b]

i can relate as well, i carry with me quite a bit of resentment towards my baby's father at this point. i really hope it gets better with time and that i never take it out on my child once it's here. i have issues from my past as well, more to do than anger, and hope to god i never let me child down because of them.

there's always so much to think about isn't there?