Terrified

[okaypriscilla]

I never wanted a child. I never wanted to get pregnant. I honestly thought I'd spend the rest of my life without ever going through this and I was okay with that.

Then a year ago I met a man who has an innate ability to make me feel so low on myself that I felt like he's the only person who could ever love me. He hurt me, left me, said horrible things to me, then came back over and over and over again. He ended up conning me into letting him move into my apartment with my 2 other roommates by telling me he was in love and wanted to get back together, when in reality he was being kicked out of his previous apartment.

By the end of the summer he had broken up with me, berated me and put me down, refused to move out of our apartment, got me into the worst depression I've been in in years, causing me to lose my job. He continued to use me as a blow-up doll and I got pregnant. When I found out I talked to his mom and my roommates about it because I was afraid of what his reaction would be so I needed different feedback before I could tell him. One of my roommates let it slip and he found out before I could tell him. That started the whole thing off in a very negative light. He tried to force the idea of an abortion into my head, but since I had one the previous summer he was well aware that it was never going to be an option again, yet still pushed it on me. He also told me that because I have anxiety disorder, depression, bipolar disorder, etc., that I will never be successful as a mother. He said he'd try to take the baby from me, he's afraid that I'd lose my head and end up strangling it (yes, those words came out of his mouth), and he also accused me of getting pregnant on purpose to keep him around. Since we weren't using any form of birth control I was trying to figure out when I ovulated so I could know what my "safe days" were if I did have sex.

He became so emotionally and verbally abusive that I had to leave the state to go stay with my parents because my depression and anxiety was getting so bad. I had planned to come back and get my job back but found out that he had completely taken over my bedroom and is inviting his new girlfriend over all the time and my roommates (who previously wanted to kick him out because they both hate him) completely flipped ship and told me "Well, he pays rent here so he can stay too." They stopped caring about me because I had a baby on the way.

Now I have no choice but to move all the way across the state back to my hometown (which makes me physically sick just thinking about because I hate my hometown so much).

I can't tell you or anyone why I fell in love with this baby, I can't tell anyone why I suddenly changed my mind. Is it because I secretly do want to subject myself to his abuse for the rest of my life? Maybe it's because I felt the baby since the day I got pregnant. Even after 6 negative HPT I knew I was pregnant. But is it even worth it to be tied to him forever?

Well, that might not even be a problem though. He stopped contacting me after I told him I'm moving to Spokane and he has a current daughter who is almost 3 who he never sees, never calls, never tries to contact. His only concern is child support.

Should I even bother going after him for child support? Or should I just kick him clean out of my life and try to start completely over? I know that if I ever consider getting back together with him I will expect somebody to slap me across the face.

I'm doing a lot of rambling. I don't even know what my point is or if this made any sense. I just wanted to share because I am so terrified, so unprepared, and the depression just keeps getting worse.

 

[mommymadison]

oh sweetie, i'm in a very similar situation although my FOB was never my boyfriend. talk about a one night stand gone horribly wrong lol. anyways, he's made it very clear that he wants nothing to do with me or the baby, and has even gone so far as to block me from contacting him. i've also wondered if pursuing child support and dealing with his stupid ass is even worth it. I don't want to sound spiteful, but I don't think it's fair that he can just pretend this never happened and everyone he knows will never even know he has a child. I recently lost my job, so not only am i unemployed, but i'm single and pregnant. therefore, i've decided to go ahead and pursue getting child support. it will probably be very ugly and nasty, but my child deserves the best. he's NOT the best, but i know every cent will help us get by.

 

[mommymadison]

PS: i also am in the process of moving back home with my parents. i am way less than thrilled. i wish i could be independent but honestly, i can't afford that right now. try to look on the bright side and think about how much being home can help you out! we all really need support in times like these

 

[whatwillbe]

He sounds so horrible Hun, please do not ever go back to him, how he has the cheek to threaten to take the baby off you and he treats you like a piece of rubbish, he is abusive and won't change, I think you would be so much better to cut him out of your life altogether, he will be no good for you or lo in ten long run and as you've said he already jas a daughter he doesn't see.
Is there anyway you can stay where you are ? You shouldn't have to move because of him

 

[Jennifurball]

That sounds awful.

If I was you I would cut contact, you would get financial help from other means, keep him off the birth certificate then he would never have that hold over you to 'take the baby away'. He would have to file for a DNA test if he wanted contact but to be honest, it doesn't sound like he would anyway, he just wants that power over you by the sounds of it.

 

[JennyBLove]

I understand your painn in everyway!! Its not fair they just get us pregnant and expect its nothing and that the life thier creating is meaningless. Pooor child to have tto grow up know how bad daddy treated mommy n left her. I am going through same. Me n fob were perfect (small issues like any other) then few dumb things happend no cheatting no horrible thi.gs n he bemreaks up w me after we were already trying. he told me to rely totally on him, paid everything took total care of me so ii left everything behind for him, long story short...he doesnt wanna make anything wrk, doesnt care where I gotta go, (which I have nowhere) and I guess will only want baby after born in hhis life. Hes horrible to me. N im stuck in the country with no car n no home for me baby n kittys soon. Id say still go for child support for sure, courts deal with that u dobt have to keep in contact with him for that to happen!! Ur child deserves his support at least financially if anything!!!! Dont lst him get away with that. I kknow I wont. He has to pay for hiss baby just like I will!! For 18 tears!! N iif he doesnt hell be screwed!! N thats his iown fault, he deserves no satisfaction. Im sorry your hurting, n once babies born u wont regret! Im struggling with thinking this is joyful in any wway or that I should put a baby through this, but it was meant to be. My babies my miracle. Msg me anytime u wanna talk or vent!!

 

[Ceejay123]

Oh honey I really hope he leaves you and the baby alone. He sounds like a sorry excuse for a man, Nevermind father! And shame on your room mates! X

 

[Danie1stbaby]

I have read and left this thread about 5 times...you sound a lot like me.I did not plan on having children either and to go through that through a time where you should be excited..hurts.I am not going to lie to you,it's going to get rougher.Your hormones are going to amplify your emotions more.Carrying a life alone,will make you feel like a grain of sand on the beach.When you get through that,you will feel like the Queen you are.It may seem impossible right now,bc you are entering a world of mommyhood and don't know what is up ahead.I hate when people say this,but with time..it will get better,not quite easier but it will get wayyyyyy better.You will see that being without him is the best decision you will ever make.The way he has hurt you,do you want him to hurt your baby that way? That is the one reason that kept me strong and kept me from running back,I had another innocent heart to protect...my 1st born..my princess.I cried until I was physically exhausted,I wanted to die,I wanted that man so bad.Then when I met my daughter,I fell in love with her.Still broken hearted,but it got easier to deal with the pain with a smiling baby staring at you.Please reach out and vent to any of us ladies up here,as you can see you are not the only one going through it or been through it.I felt like you,like it's the worse thing in the world to go through such a situation,a situation you never dreamt of happening,but there is a light in that darkness..his or her was meant to be in this world regardless of mom's situation.It's the one love you will never doubt~When you leave your child to walk out the room and turn around to see them reaching and crying for you...reality will hit you..this 1 person on this planet wants me and loves me.When you feel empty,alone or down inbox one of us,swap numbers,I am telling you,sometimes a stranger can help lift weight off of your mind and heart.Honey it is not the end of the world,but the beginning♥Hugs