That old stress myth?!

[Jax41]

Hi Lovely Ladies,

I'm new (bear with me over the abbvs!) and have been stalking you all for a while (sorry) have now decided to jump in with both feet so... I'm 41 and TTC No.1 (hubby is 47 and has 3 already), it's been a looong story getting to this point but I'm here!

Anyway I've been TTC since September 2010 with no luck (have done all the usual prep stuff, lost 2 stone, taking vits blah blah blah) and trotted off to Dr's to get things checked out. She said that I'd just not given it long enough but suggested I have a few checks done and sent me for the usual blood tests (which I absolutely hate and just hit the deck over every time) - thyroid/kidney/diabetes, all thankfully appears okay apart from a high Prolactin result. She told me that this is the hormone that inhibits ovulation (although she says I ovulated last cycle?!) and can either be a sign of PCOS (of which I don't have any other symptoms) or caused by stress or feeling anxious/nervous (and I thought I'd done pretty well at my blood test!!!!) and for me to take a chill pill and go off for another test this Friday to rule out either option.

So I was thinking....if Prolactin can be high due to stress and all that jazz then that old myth of 'forget about it and it'll happen' may have some truth in it? I mean, all those ladies that get preg by mistake, they weren't stressing so that their Prolactin went through the roof now where they?! What d'you ladies think??

 

[seoj]

Well... I do believe that you should do your best to cut down on stress while TTC (if only for your own mental sanity! lol)... HOWEVER, some stress is just part of the program. And stressing about stressing certainly does no good...

Our Fertility Specialist said this... "there is no evidence stress affects conception, except when it affects your cycle. If you ovulate late or early or not at all etc... but this would typically be caused by MAJOR stress."

Also- there are LOADS of women who get prego through IVF and really, that has to be a stressful process. Not just physically, but mentally.

Best of luck!!!

 

[KatieMRi]

I was told that stress doesn't help and to stop trying, I had the start of IVF booked for Jan so in Dec I didn't even bother trying because I just thought, no need to worry or try IVF will do it for me. on Jan 3rd I'd found out I had conceived naturally (bit of a shock after 30 months) I think there is some truth to the 'stop trying and it will happen' phrase but with regards to stress I'm not having that at all, over December I was stressed to the hilt with Christmas and planning and, even had a few rows too.

At one point I'd grabbed all the fertility stuff in a mini rage and threw them all into the outside bin lol.

I'm only 24 (so don't usually come into the over 35's) but I saw your question and thought I'd have a look, I think when it's meant to happen it will, but it will wait until you're least expecting it xx

 

[seoj]

I was told that stress doesn't help and to stop trying, I had the start of IVF booked for Jan so in Dec I didn't even bother trying because I just thought, no need to worry or try IVF will do it for me. on Jan 3rd I'd found out I had conceived naturally (bit of a shock after 30 months) I think there is some truth to the 'stop trying and it will happen' phrase but with regards to stress I'm not having that at all, over December I was stressed to the hilt with Christmas and planning and, even had a few rows too.

At one point I'd grabbed all the fertility stuff in a mini rage and threw them all into the outside bin lol.

I'm only 24 (so don't usually come into the over 35's) but I saw your question and thought I'd have a look, I think when it's meant to happen it will, but it will wait until you're least expecting it xx

Wow! That is great hun you conceived after all that time... congrats!!!!

 

[TaeBoMama]

I was told that stress doesn't help and to stop trying, I had the start of IVF booked for Jan so in Dec I didn't even bother trying because I just thought, no need to worry or try IVF will do it for me. on Jan 3rd I'd found out I had conceived naturally (bit of a shock after 30 months) I think there is some truth to the 'stop trying and it will happen' phrase but with regards to stress I'm not having that at all, over December I was stressed to the hilt with Christmas and planning and, even had a few rows too.

At one point I'd grabbed all the fertility stuff in a mini rage and threw them all into the outside bin lol.

I'm only 24 (so don't usually come into the over 35's) but I saw your question and thought I'd have a look, I think when it's meant to happen it will, but it will wait until you're least expecting it xx

Congrats!!!

 

[truly_blessed]

hi Hun, you're like me. I''m 41 and almost fainted the one and only time I needed a blood test> I've got an appointment with the fertlity specialist next wed and I'm dreading having to get another blood test. I had a missed miscarriage in Nov 09 and starting trying for our first again properly in April 10. Just wish it would hurry up!

I do believe that stress must play some part in this TTC lark, there are just so many stories of people getting pregnant when they have stopped trying or forgotten about it cos they've booked tests. I'm hoping I'll be one of those this cycle. x

 

[BBgirl]

Me too, I am now beginning to believe that stress may have a role in preventing conception. I wonder if regimental planning and getting your AF month after month, miscarriages, loss of hope etc. just takes its toll. I mean over and over you hear these stories of women getting pregnant when they're in their last cycle before IVF or when they have quit trying.

For me it is impossible to relax about TTC, because it is like acknowledging the nightmare reality that maybe I won't ever be a mum. I mean our love life is crap now and we're both so stressed with it all. Surely there's more to life than this?

Strangely enough I find it easier to give up than to continue to struggle on with my own TTC journey, which seems to have taken over my life. In other words, the only way I can relax and let go is to really let go altogether of my dream, and literally accept the possibility of never having a baby. Strange as it may sound that is what I am going to do as of today. Does anyone else relate to this, I mean the obsessive thoughts and deep sadness?

Sorry to be so pessimistic girls, but I think I am going to accept my fate one way or the other. If I don't I will really go crazy. Because of my battle with depression I figure I probably wouldn't have coped well with IVF anyway.

 

[CedarWood]

Well we have all probably heard the we went on holiday and got pregnant story. 'We had given up or been trying for two years or some such' and then bam.
I think it jives with the stress issue but also probably more sex and better timing. Apparently, one doctor found a lot of his patents were not bding at the right time and when he told them when to bd they got pregnant...
But going back to the holiday - if you are having sex more = fresher sperm and more of it in the fertile period if it coincides. Plus if you are all happy and relaxed on holiday and enjoying each other then the male orgasm is probably a better ie stronger one than when he feels he has to preform at a certain time kwim? I think there is alot to be said for not telling your guy when you are O'ing etc. You all can still be ttc but after awhile it will be hard work not to feel like a chore. you have to make sure you jump on him at various times of the month thoughThat will lessen stress from both sides.
Stress raises cortisol levels which if off long enough can lead to other issues.

 

[Jax41]

Thank you all so much for replying it really has helped! I don't feel that I'm under a HUGE amount of stress at all, just the usual 'I wanna baby' stress that we all know so well! So this month I'm going to have different tactics bd as much as poss and just go with the flow!

Have been for my second blood test today (glad 2 hear I'm not the only one truly_blessed!) and going back next Friday for the results - fingers Xed that I was a chilled cookie this time!!

Congratulations KatieMRI - stress certainly didn't affect you now did it?! A happy and healthy 9 months to you!!

BBgirl - I don't think I'm at the obsessive thoughts and sadness stage yet (i.e facing facts that I may have left it too late to be a Mum), but I have to admit it occasionally comes up and taps me on the shoulder but I ain't giving up hope yet, now feels so the right time for me. Hugs to you that you are so brave to make such a big decision.

CedarWood - I'm feeling the same as you about not telling my DH when I'm O'ing, in that way I kind of hope that he doesn't feel it's a chore! I'm okay jumping him from the end of AF up to O but kind of go off the boil afterwards during the 2ww - that'd dead mean though innit?

Thank you once again take care of yourselves xXx

 

[Janie66]

I was told that stress doesn't help and to stop trying, I had the start of IVF booked for Jan so in Dec I didn't even bother trying because I just thought, no need to worry or try IVF will do it for me. on Jan 3rd I'd found out I had conceived naturally (bit of a shock after 30 months) I think there is some truth to the 'stop trying and it will happen' phrase but with regards to stress I'm not having that at all, over December I was stressed to the hilt with Christmas and planning and, even had a few rows too.

At one point I'd grabbed all the fertility stuff in a mini rage and threw them all into the outside bin lol.

I'm only 24 (so don't usually come into the over 35's) but I saw your question and thought I'd have a look, I think when it's meant to happen it will, but it will wait until you're least expecting it xx

I have read this time and time again... so many who just STOP trying to get preganant and realy DO stop trying, and just be carefree again, go on and get preganant... Its making me really wonder if there is anything in this, does stress hinder concieving?

 

[KatieMRi]

'I don't think it does, I think you're looking at two seperate things, 'stress' and 'trying'.

Beleive me, over Christmas I was so stressed trying to make sure I had presents for everyone, making sure the house was clean, it was madness, I had arguments with my OH, listened to OH sister scream at him (Not his fault) the whole thing was so stressful.

On the day I conceived (could have only been once as we'd only DTD once) afterwards I usually lie there for a good few mins but I just thought, it's not going to happen so why lie here, instead I went straight to the toilet, cleaned myself up and carried on, after all I didn't need to try I was about to have IVF.

on the 26th Dec I would've been pregnant but didn't know it, OH told me he didn't want IVF and wanted to try 6 months more, I went completely mad at him, I tore up all my IVF letters, my test letters, doctors letters and threw them away along with all the vits I had been taking I sat there and cried on the floor (very stressful) after we talked I told him I would wait but I wish he'd told me earlier.

The point is, I had tried, tried not to try etc.... (even when you're trying not to try, really you are trying) etc.... the only time it actually happened was when I actually given up. it's a point I don't beleive you can induce, you will not try but not really know it until you miss AF. I think for some it will come but not until you're not expecting it.

Hope this makes sense and thanks for the well wishes, I feel terrible, don't think I was prepared for all day sickness.

I wish you all the best XXX

 

[BBgirl]

Ah bless you. I've given up now as you said you did. I mean not trying to forget about it but just letting go like leaving a helium balloon float away into the sky. It's the first 2ww in months that I am not even checking my body for symptoms, I can't even remember when I am due. I am even sitting here drinking a glass of red wine. Plus I sat on top for the first time because I reckoned what the hell I'm tired of the missionary anyway.

We too have done the whole agonising IVF talk, tears etc. We have our consent form appointment booked in March. I think we both feel broken by it all, like we have failed in a way. 30 months is a long time for you to have tried. It's been 3 years for me now. Congratulations, I wish you all the very best for a joyful and healthy pregnancy. xxx

 

[Jax41]

I was told that stress doesn't help and to stop trying, I had the start of IVF booked for Jan so in Dec I didn't even bother trying because I just thought, no need to worry or try IVF will do it for me. on Jan 3rd I'd found out I had conceived naturally (bit of a shock after 30 months) I think there is some truth to the 'stop trying and it will happen' phrase but with regards to stress I'm not having that at all, over December I was stressed to the hilt with Christmas and planning and, even had a few rows too.

At one point I'd grabbed all the fertility stuff in a mini rage and threw them all into the outside bin lol.

I'm only 24 (so don't usually come into the over 35's) but I saw your question and thought I'd have a look, I think when it's meant to happen it will, but it will wait until you're least expecting it xx

I have read this time and time again... so many who just STOP trying to get preganant and realy DO stop trying, and just be carefree again, go on and get preganant... Its making me really wonder if there is anything in this, does stress hinder concieving?

Hiya - I really don't know but I'm beginning to think that possibly yes. If this Prolactin hormone is released when you're stressed, and you're stressing about trying to get preg then yup I guess it could be the answer to the million dollar question?? My stress levels are rising already - after saying I was going to chill this month and not find out my O time, I had a sneaky peak on baby hopes (their calendar is so good!) and it's this weekend and guess what? Yep DH has announced that his 14 year old daughter is coming for the weekend - !"£$%^&*!!!!!!! Last month we were in Barcelona over my fertile time and not alone and now this!!!!! Is this baby ever gonna get conceived????????? Knickers, I'm gonna just shut the door and jump him anyway....

 

[Jax41]

'I don't think it does, I think you're looking at two seperate things, 'stress' and 'trying'.

Beleive me, over Christmas I was so stressed trying to make sure I had presents for everyone, making sure the house was clean, it was madness, I had arguments with my OH, listened to OH sister scream at him (Not his fault) the whole thing was so stressful.

On the day I conceived (could have only been once as we'd only DTD once) afterwards I usually lie there for a good few mins but I just thought, it's not going to happen so why lie here, instead I went straight to the toilet, cleaned myself up and carried on, after all I didn't need to try I was about to have IVF.

on the 26th Dec I would've been pregnant but didn't know it, OH told me he didn't want IVF and wanted to try 6 months more, I went completely mad at him, I tore up all my IVF letters, my test letters, doctors letters and threw them away along with all the vits I had been taking I sat there and cried on the floor (very stressful) after we talked I told him I would wait but I wish he'd told me earlier.

The point is, I had tried, tried not to try etc.... (even when you're trying not to try, really you are trying) etc.... the only time it actually happened was when I actually given up. it's a point I don't beleive you can induce, you will not try but not really know it until you miss AF. I think for some it will come but not until you're not expecting it.

Hope this makes sense and thanks for the well wishes, I feel terrible, don't think I was prepared for all day sickness.

I wish you all the best XXX

Hi Katie - I've read through your post and one sentence realy strikes a chord - 'I think for some it will come but not until you're not expecting it' - think you've hit that big fat nail on the head with that one hun and so happy for you!!!!!! Right, no expectations this month.....no expectations thi......and chill x

 

[councilmom]

When was trying to conceive at age 38, I heard all the stress myths and tried acupuncture. If you can distress, then you should if possible. I'm sure in a lot of cases it's just not possible. Good Luck

 

[40yearoldmum]

Hmm I think your right. But it's so hard. Im 41 in may and have a little 18 month boy concieved at 38.5 years. Activly trying to concieve for a year and sept 10 Went for tests etc, culminating in a AMH of 4.97 and a second opinion with Fertility specialist saying ...long story shortmy odds were exactly the same trying naturally as they were with IVF. Hence deciding to leave the assisted route and chill out.
So that was Dec 23rd 2010. I am a little easier going and outwardly to my friends family and hubby I am chilling big style and , outwardly relaxing and inwardly trying to relax. I try to not think of it and try and focus on my beautiful baby boy who IS my only child. We do time sex to coincide with my fertile time...why would'nt you and my husband really seems to have chilled about it all now I am outwardly leaving it all alone. I am supplementing big time with MACA, largintine, Royal Jelly, Spirullina and Coq10 . My trouble is that I do my very best to 'leave it all and move on' but inside I am still deeply sad about it, I nearly wrote unhappy but I'm not unhappy just have this deep sadness, every time someone anounces a pregnancy either celebrity or friend it breaks my heart. I don't let it out, I don't want my lovely fgriends avoiding telling me stuff, but I can't let go, I wonder whether this affects it because although I don't feel stressed just deeply sad I wonder whether this is stopping it I so want to let it go and get on with life instead of pretending thats what I'm doing.

 

[Chilli]

Stress also raises cortisol levels which inhibits progesterone production which can prevent pg or cause MCs - I'm currently having mine tested to see if mine are raised.

Even knowing this doesn't always help though does it?

 

[Jax41]

Stress also raises cortisol levels which inhibits progesterone production which can prevent pg or cause MCs - I'm currently having mine tested to see if mine are raised.

Even knowing this doesn't always help though does it?

Hi Chilli - nah, but knowing that we're all in this together, feeling the same and not complete nutters helps me!!xXx

 

[teresapk]

the key is how to make yourself stop trying so hard. but glad to know it's not as easy as others make it seem to be. (the less stress part)