Oliver Ciarán.
8lb 11oz
September 16th, 9.31pm
On Wednesday 15th, my Mum came round to my house as she did a couple of times a week. At 4pm, I had my first contraction. I knew it definitely wasn’t a Braxton hicks so at 4.33pm I began timing them. They were coming regularly but weren’t yet increasing in intensity so I timed them quietly. Mum left around 5.30pm and I waited for Nick to get home at 6. Just before he arrived home, my vision began to blur. It got so bad that I could barely see out of my right eye and I got really anxious and thought something was wrong – or that I was going blind! Nick came home and I called the midwife and then labour suite – who said they thought I had a migraine and it sounded as the contractions could be early labour, so to relax for 2 hours and then call back if my vision hadn’t returned. Luckily it did, but my contractions began to die down about 9pm so I bounced on my ball for a while and then went for a walk with Nick around the park by our apartment. I resigned myself for the fact that it was probably a false start, and we called it a night at about 10.30pm and went to bed.
At 1am I was woken by a contraction – it hurt! I had a horrible feeling of constipation so got up and sat on the toilet for a while – but NOTHING! Later on I’d realise that I never actually was constipated, but the “poo pains” as I so eloquently referred to them throughout the labour were nothing more than his head pushing down against me. I got back into bed and dozed off, but at 3am I was woken up again by the contractions and I knew they were really starting to hot up. Nick got up and ran me a bath and we began to time the contractions. They were perfectly manageable but I could definitely tell that they were the real deal and I knew it was real labour. I stayed in the bath for ages, then got up and used the TENS machine. I alternated between the two for hours and hours, until about 10am, when I was breaking down, and vomited in the bath. The pain was intense by that point but it was mainly the “poo pains” which were making me so upset. I decided to ring labour suite and spoke to a lovely lady who told me to take some paracetamol and to try and stay at home as it didn’t sound like anything more than early labour.
By this point I found that the only way I could manage a contraction was to get on all fours and stick my bum right in the air with my cheek on the floor. I could only manage for another hour or so before I called labour suite again. I spoke to the kindest woman, who told me to come in even though they were expecting to send me home because I could still talk through the contractions. She was so kind and I was so frightened that I cried my eyes out. Nick grabbed the bags and packed the car and off we went!
Had several contractions on the way and when we pulled up missed the slot between them to get from the car into the hospital. As I stepped out of the car I was hit by one, then had another as I walked through the labour suite, both times making me stop and lean and cry. Luckily I was greeted during the contraction and shown to my room – the one by the ENTRANCE. I could have died. I knew I would be way too loud to be in the room by the entrance!
Got into the room about 1pm and in came the first of my 3 midwives – Bernie, and her student. Nick’s worst nightmare – the student was a man! They were both lovely and it certainly seemed like the male student was very taken by Nick as he complimented his muscles.
I was very teary and frightened that I would be found to be 1-2cm and sent packing. So when Bernie checked me, even she was shocked as she announced I was 5cm dilated! I had got to 5cm all on my own with paracetamol – I was SO HAPPY! She said membranes were bulging so she didn’t think I would be long at all. She tried at this point to start me on gas and air but I didn’t like it at all, though I think this is because I’d already convinced myself I wouldn’t. I asked whether I could use the birthing pool as I was so desperate to and she agreed – I was thrilled! Nick called Mum and told her to hurry, and she appeared very quickly afterwards.
Once my Mum arrived I went into little girl lost mode. I was so emotional and scared and overwhelmed by the pain. The contractions had really intensified and I was losing control of myself – screaming at the peaks of my contractions. I didn’t know how to focus and I knew how frustrated everyone was with me – I just couldn’t stop myself. It was at this point Bernie decided the birthing pool probably wasn’t a good idea because I was too distressed – and I begged her for some pain relief. Knowing that I’d wanted a totally pain relief free birth, she tries to dissuade me for quite some time but I was absolutely convinced I couldn’t cope. My confidence had disappeared, and although everyone was telling me how well I was doing, I couldn’t understand why – it hurt SO much and I was screaming the place down.
At 3pm My progress was checked and I was now at 7cm – still only on paracetamol. It became clear I needed the break after labouring all night and so Bernie gave me some Diamorphine. It was BLISS. Within 10 minutes, I was in silence. I lay on the bed listening to music – my Natal Hypnotherapy birth music, and my favourite album by Joanna Newsom, and slept between contractions for 2 hours. As the Diamorphine began to wear of, I finally got to grips with gas and air and I fell in love with it – it really helped. Bernie left to get some dinner and my second midwife, Nicola, came in. She was a nice girl who was around my age and we all chatted together.
At 7pm I was struggling again so I was checked and found to still be at 7cm. I was devastated – no progress at all in 4 hours and my waters STILL hadn’t broken. It was then that Nicola asked whether she could break them, which I agreed to on the premise that I could get in the pool straight afterwards.
My waters were broken and luckily they were clear – but they were RED. I was told this was perfectly normal but it was a bit alarming as it looked bloody – I’d never heard of it being red before! My contractions went crazy from this point onwards and the pain didn’t subside between them – and unfortunately this coincided with a shift change, so although the pool was filled for me for the second time, the next midwife, Claire, once again decided I shouldn’t use it. I was devastated by this news and didn’t feel like I could cope anymore, I couldn’t control myself, I was screaming, I couldn’t do anything that anyone was asking me to do – I was a mess. I’d become so focussed on using the pool that I felt floored when she said I couldn’t, even though looking back I completely understand why.
Finding a good position was impossible by this point because the pain was so intense. Nick walked me into the toilet where I once again tried to go for a poo (when would I realise that I wasn’t constipated?!) and afterwards I collapsed on the toilet floor – the midwife was totally unimpressed as by this point I was saying I wanted to push and yet I wouldn’t lift myself up and get back into the room. In the end Nick picked me up off the floor and dumped me by the end of the bed where I felt like I was going to pass out from the pain – it was crazy. But it was there that I knew I wanted to push him out, he had to come out, I didn’t want him in there anymore!
Finally I got on the bed with the help of everyone, and my Mum and Nick persuaded Claire to check my progress because I so wanted to get in the pool to deliver. she agreed and said that as long as I had progressed and promised that I would listen to her that she would let me in. however when she went to check me, she found that his head had already began descending and was centimetres away from crowning. I BEGGED for an epidural or “half a shot of diamorphine” and when she obviously refused I began to cry “why isn’t anybody helping me?” – my Mum said this broke her heart!
So we tried on all fours, but that hurt, so I ended up in the one position I really never wanted – on my back on the bed. I pushed but I just didn’t feel like I was very good at it. I had been so worried about pushing because I was scared that an internal cyst I have might be pushed out – so when Claire said she could see the head I told her she was wrong and that “it’s not the head, it’s my cyst!” She grabbed my hand and said “feel this, it’s not a cyst, it’s his hair” and I felt it with my fingers. It was just unreal. It was his hair. The last push to get his head completely out was so hard, I had a few pushes that didn’t seem to budge him much at all, so Claire told me she was going to make a cut which I point blank refused. She got out the pack and loaded up the needle and as I looked at it I gave a HUGE push and suddenly out popped a little purple head covered in white vernix.
It was the most beautiful moment of my life. At some point Oliver had turned to face upwards and as I looked down I saw his beautiful face staring up at me, his body still inside me, and suddenly he startled – I felt his body shudder inside me and then bang – he opened his eyes. Nick said it was like we saw life hit him – it was magical.
One big push after that and out popped Oliver, put straight on to my chest. “It’s a baby, I didn’t think I was having a baby” were apparently my first words, followed then by “he’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen”. I fell instantly in love, it was phenomenal, I still don’t understand how my body grew something so perfect. I watched as Nick cut the cord and I honestly felt like the whole world had changed.
After being stitched up my Dad came to the labour suite and we all spent some time holding Oliver, it was amazing. Unfortunately after that I passed out on the way to the patient hotel so I had to stay in the ward for 2 nights but it was so worth it.
It was an overwhelming, scary experience that could not have had a more beautiful ending. I could not have asked for more from Nick or my Mum – they were both amazing, and seeing my parents meet their grandson was magical. Life never started before Oliver, and I could not be any happier to have such a perfect little boy with such a beautiful man.
immediately after birth:
daddy and oli:
oli with his grandma:
just after being dressed for the first time:
13 days old:
8lb 11oz
September 16th, 9.31pm
On Wednesday 15th, my Mum came round to my house as she did a couple of times a week. At 4pm, I had my first contraction. I knew it definitely wasn’t a Braxton hicks so at 4.33pm I began timing them. They were coming regularly but weren’t yet increasing in intensity so I timed them quietly. Mum left around 5.30pm and I waited for Nick to get home at 6. Just before he arrived home, my vision began to blur. It got so bad that I could barely see out of my right eye and I got really anxious and thought something was wrong – or that I was going blind! Nick came home and I called the midwife and then labour suite – who said they thought I had a migraine and it sounded as the contractions could be early labour, so to relax for 2 hours and then call back if my vision hadn’t returned. Luckily it did, but my contractions began to die down about 9pm so I bounced on my ball for a while and then went for a walk with Nick around the park by our apartment. I resigned myself for the fact that it was probably a false start, and we called it a night at about 10.30pm and went to bed.
At 1am I was woken by a contraction – it hurt! I had a horrible feeling of constipation so got up and sat on the toilet for a while – but NOTHING! Later on I’d realise that I never actually was constipated, but the “poo pains” as I so eloquently referred to them throughout the labour were nothing more than his head pushing down against me. I got back into bed and dozed off, but at 3am I was woken up again by the contractions and I knew they were really starting to hot up. Nick got up and ran me a bath and we began to time the contractions. They were perfectly manageable but I could definitely tell that they were the real deal and I knew it was real labour. I stayed in the bath for ages, then got up and used the TENS machine. I alternated between the two for hours and hours, until about 10am, when I was breaking down, and vomited in the bath. The pain was intense by that point but it was mainly the “poo pains” which were making me so upset. I decided to ring labour suite and spoke to a lovely lady who told me to take some paracetamol and to try and stay at home as it didn’t sound like anything more than early labour.
By this point I found that the only way I could manage a contraction was to get on all fours and stick my bum right in the air with my cheek on the floor. I could only manage for another hour or so before I called labour suite again. I spoke to the kindest woman, who told me to come in even though they were expecting to send me home because I could still talk through the contractions. She was so kind and I was so frightened that I cried my eyes out. Nick grabbed the bags and packed the car and off we went!
Had several contractions on the way and when we pulled up missed the slot between them to get from the car into the hospital. As I stepped out of the car I was hit by one, then had another as I walked through the labour suite, both times making me stop and lean and cry. Luckily I was greeted during the contraction and shown to my room – the one by the ENTRANCE. I could have died. I knew I would be way too loud to be in the room by the entrance!
Got into the room about 1pm and in came the first of my 3 midwives – Bernie, and her student. Nick’s worst nightmare – the student was a man! They were both lovely and it certainly seemed like the male student was very taken by Nick as he complimented his muscles.
I was very teary and frightened that I would be found to be 1-2cm and sent packing. So when Bernie checked me, even she was shocked as she announced I was 5cm dilated! I had got to 5cm all on my own with paracetamol – I was SO HAPPY! She said membranes were bulging so she didn’t think I would be long at all. She tried at this point to start me on gas and air but I didn’t like it at all, though I think this is because I’d already convinced myself I wouldn’t. I asked whether I could use the birthing pool as I was so desperate to and she agreed – I was thrilled! Nick called Mum and told her to hurry, and she appeared very quickly afterwards.
Once my Mum arrived I went into little girl lost mode. I was so emotional and scared and overwhelmed by the pain. The contractions had really intensified and I was losing control of myself – screaming at the peaks of my contractions. I didn’t know how to focus and I knew how frustrated everyone was with me – I just couldn’t stop myself. It was at this point Bernie decided the birthing pool probably wasn’t a good idea because I was too distressed – and I begged her for some pain relief. Knowing that I’d wanted a totally pain relief free birth, she tries to dissuade me for quite some time but I was absolutely convinced I couldn’t cope. My confidence had disappeared, and although everyone was telling me how well I was doing, I couldn’t understand why – it hurt SO much and I was screaming the place down.
At 3pm My progress was checked and I was now at 7cm – still only on paracetamol. It became clear I needed the break after labouring all night and so Bernie gave me some Diamorphine. It was BLISS. Within 10 minutes, I was in silence. I lay on the bed listening to music – my Natal Hypnotherapy birth music, and my favourite album by Joanna Newsom, and slept between contractions for 2 hours. As the Diamorphine began to wear of, I finally got to grips with gas and air and I fell in love with it – it really helped. Bernie left to get some dinner and my second midwife, Nicola, came in. She was a nice girl who was around my age and we all chatted together.
At 7pm I was struggling again so I was checked and found to still be at 7cm. I was devastated – no progress at all in 4 hours and my waters STILL hadn’t broken. It was then that Nicola asked whether she could break them, which I agreed to on the premise that I could get in the pool straight afterwards.
My waters were broken and luckily they were clear – but they were RED. I was told this was perfectly normal but it was a bit alarming as it looked bloody – I’d never heard of it being red before! My contractions went crazy from this point onwards and the pain didn’t subside between them – and unfortunately this coincided with a shift change, so although the pool was filled for me for the second time, the next midwife, Claire, once again decided I shouldn’t use it. I was devastated by this news and didn’t feel like I could cope anymore, I couldn’t control myself, I was screaming, I couldn’t do anything that anyone was asking me to do – I was a mess. I’d become so focussed on using the pool that I felt floored when she said I couldn’t, even though looking back I completely understand why.
Finding a good position was impossible by this point because the pain was so intense. Nick walked me into the toilet where I once again tried to go for a poo (when would I realise that I wasn’t constipated?!) and afterwards I collapsed on the toilet floor – the midwife was totally unimpressed as by this point I was saying I wanted to push and yet I wouldn’t lift myself up and get back into the room. In the end Nick picked me up off the floor and dumped me by the end of the bed where I felt like I was going to pass out from the pain – it was crazy. But it was there that I knew I wanted to push him out, he had to come out, I didn’t want him in there anymore!
Finally I got on the bed with the help of everyone, and my Mum and Nick persuaded Claire to check my progress because I so wanted to get in the pool to deliver. she agreed and said that as long as I had progressed and promised that I would listen to her that she would let me in. however when she went to check me, she found that his head had already began descending and was centimetres away from crowning. I BEGGED for an epidural or “half a shot of diamorphine” and when she obviously refused I began to cry “why isn’t anybody helping me?” – my Mum said this broke her heart!
So we tried on all fours, but that hurt, so I ended up in the one position I really never wanted – on my back on the bed. I pushed but I just didn’t feel like I was very good at it. I had been so worried about pushing because I was scared that an internal cyst I have might be pushed out – so when Claire said she could see the head I told her she was wrong and that “it’s not the head, it’s my cyst!” She grabbed my hand and said “feel this, it’s not a cyst, it’s his hair” and I felt it with my fingers. It was just unreal. It was his hair. The last push to get his head completely out was so hard, I had a few pushes that didn’t seem to budge him much at all, so Claire told me she was going to make a cut which I point blank refused. She got out the pack and loaded up the needle and as I looked at it I gave a HUGE push and suddenly out popped a little purple head covered in white vernix.
It was the most beautiful moment of my life. At some point Oliver had turned to face upwards and as I looked down I saw his beautiful face staring up at me, his body still inside me, and suddenly he startled – I felt his body shudder inside me and then bang – he opened his eyes. Nick said it was like we saw life hit him – it was magical.
One big push after that and out popped Oliver, put straight on to my chest. “It’s a baby, I didn’t think I was having a baby” were apparently my first words, followed then by “he’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen”. I fell instantly in love, it was phenomenal, I still don’t understand how my body grew something so perfect. I watched as Nick cut the cord and I honestly felt like the whole world had changed.
After being stitched up my Dad came to the labour suite and we all spent some time holding Oliver, it was amazing. Unfortunately after that I passed out on the way to the patient hotel so I had to stay in the ward for 2 nights but it was so worth it.
It was an overwhelming, scary experience that could not have had a more beautiful ending. I could not have asked for more from Nick or my Mum – they were both amazing, and seeing my parents meet their grandson was magical. Life never started before Oliver, and I could not be any happier to have such a perfect little boy with such a beautiful man.
immediately after birth:
daddy and oli:
oli with his grandma:
just after being dressed for the first time:
13 days old:
amazing!!!! 
Men, lol. 
