The day has come-i need all b+b's help

[angelpkj]

so FOB has finally sent me the letter from the solicitor in regards to seeing his son

the letter says he hasn't seen LO since july (it's june infact)
and he wants him friday - sunday every weekend (even tho he djs and goes out so i'm not sure how he would have him fri till sunday)


he's works and has been braggin about earning loads on fb
but yet he's claimed legal aid?

long story short
he kept cancelling on my son for drugs and got into debt with drug dealers hence why i stopped contact
he still is like this and i do have proof as he puts everythin he does on weekends on facebook drugs and all ha

my cause for concern is for real,i'm not bitter i tried and tried to get him to be a dad in the end i gave up

if anyone can help or share their storys please do as it's all abit scary to me
i'm so scared of my son being around FOB and the trouble it may bring,the hurt it will cause and the danger my son will be put in if FOB's drug dealers he owes money to catch wind of where my son will be

 

[emlubu]

If u have the evidence keep it for solicioter it's what I have to do. With that story he won't get fri to sun court will only
Give him 1 night contact every other weekend and that when it's simple and no drugs involved.

 

[angelpkj]

when it comes to it where i have to allow access i was thinking i will let him see my son at my mums without me there but as he might not want that my 2nd option is a contact centre not sure how they work but my main issue is my son being in a safe trusted enviroment and being aware of who will come into contact with him

do i wait till it goes to court or am i better off suggesting it before it goes court
my friend said what if it goes court and the judge doesnt listen to me and allows fob full shared access with my son in his house :'(

 

[angelpkj]

LO is 7 months old also,i've read FOB can't have overnight access for a few year

 

[cluelessnow]

Didn't want to read and run. So sorry you have to deal with this. I really don't know as I've not experienced it yet. But get all the evidence together, texts, emails, FB, everything and have it prepared. Perhaps then it to your local Citizens Advice Bureau - if you're in the UK - and have a solicitor look over it and advise you. Hope it works out.

 

[xSophieBx]

I've been/going through the same thing but abit ahead of u so know more as been dealing with solicitors since april... do u want me to pm u? As I don't like putting so much info in the public section like this x

 

[angelpkj]

please hun i PM#d u x

 

[angelpkj]

i'm gunna keep ranting and perhaps keep people up to date that way if anyone goes through the same thing or i have more questions it will be here

i went the solicitors
didn't think i would get legal aid as i've just bought an 80 grand house
im on a crap wage like but i can manage

but i can claim legal aid

someone told me it can run out
it can't run out

if your other half does drugs
there not arsed really,aslong as they don't do drugs the night or day before comming to meet LO and don't do it while around LO then there not too fussed

maybe i have a shit solicitor????
because in my eyes if every weekend someone is taking bubble,extascy,cocaine,ketamin and weed thats a bit different to him smoking the odd joint or taking the odd pill here and there and it is cause for concern

also
not happy about this
in order to make sure my ex DOESN't get hold of my new address...i have to APPLY for confidentiality
WTF you SHOULD keep it confident there is NO reason he needs my new address,more so if he's going to be seeing his son in a contact center for X amount of time!!!

it shouldn't be a problem as i have valid reasons to this just pathetic they don't automaticly keep it hush hush

i have asked for a CSA form to be sent,no more ms nice girl,i've looked at my bank statements going back 8 months from when LO was born

he has given me £66
£196 if you include what he gave me the whole time i was pregnant and once LO was born

i hadn't bothered with csa before that was my way of not rocking the boat,i thought if i don't go csa he won't bother trying to see LO

i'm so mad because i know he's not arsed,he's just doing it cause all his mates are always askin him "u seen ur son yet" "why dont u go court n do sumat about it"

if it was comming out his own pocket he wouldn't bother!

 

[xSophieBx]

Hi hun, I still need to message u back, been busy and havent had a chance to sit down and reply. Thats shocking about what ur solicitor has said.

I don't get the thing about your address either? Why do they need to give him it!!! My ex won't give me his address via solicitor letters and I doubt they've applied for a confidentiality thing.

I would do the CSA over the phone so its quicker... I applied for it over the phone.... If his on benefits and doing cash in hand and u've seen on fb about him flashing the cash, they'll be able to take him to court!

Thats crap about the drugs... My solicitor told me they do see it as a concern!!!

 

[angelpkj]

thats what i thought,made me think she crap solicitor but then again she might be explaining it from the other solicitor and courts point of veiw guess id rather have someone telling me how it is and not what i wanna hear


not sure why they would give it him etc but if it goes to court he may be able to get hold of it thru his solicitor so id have to apply for the confidentiality

i was gunna do it over the phone but couldn't understand a god dam word she was saying so asked for her to send a form
not bothered how long or quick it takes cause all get backdated which he will struggle more paying considering he spends all his money on himself ha!

rang benefit fraud and told them about my ex
told my solicitor she said it's not her or legal aid or the courts department its benefit frauds so only they can sort it :/

csa just look at the facts
is he on benefits if yes thats where the money comes from for my son they dont look behind the closed doors of if he should be on them benefits

 

[angelpkj]

also my HV came round today,i told her EVERTHING
she really understanding and said shes never had any concerns for my LO or me etc
shes gunna mention what i told her about my ex to social services tho so if it gets nitty gritty down the line its all recorded

 

[Lu28]

I used to be a family law solicitor but it was a few years back now!

With the address thing, it only HAS to be disclosed in the court papers, if things were to get that far so far as I remember. The only reason you would be granted permission to keep it secret would be if you were in fear for your safety, it's not routinely done. To be honest, I'm not altogether sure why, it never made much sense to me.

I would get a second opinion in case the solicitor you saw doesn't realise the types of drugs he's on and the kind of company he keeps, particularly if he's in debt to drug dealers. If you're in genuine fear for his safety (and it sounds like you are), I would be happy to offer supervised contact for the time being, preferably supervised by a family member. Contact centres aren't pleasant for your LO too so a more homely environment would be great if you could. If he wants to push it then let him. If you're worried, his safety comes first.

When did he last take care of your LO? At that age, I'd be very surprised at overnight contact at the best of times because it's generally understood that the place for babies is with their mums so it would be daytime contact. Unless he was very actively involved in LO's care up until now.

I hope that helps a little but don't be afraid to get a second opinion and don't be intimidated by him saying he'll take you to court, particularly if you're getting legal aid, let him do his worst!

 

[angelpkj]

i just don't want fob or any of his "crew" knowing where i live it would just make me constantly paranoid tht he knows where i live and im on my own
i gave the solicitor a long list of drugs he takes its pretty much everything but crack hes always having house partys with ten ppl plus all taking drugs so even if fob didnt do drugs the partys still go on and his gf and lodger take them

i was going to suggest fob comming to my mums house once a week without me there but my solicitor said he may throw that in my face or counteract it with "well ill have LO at my mums insted" his mum smokes weed and knows all about her son,drugs etc and shes not arsed!!i have msgs of me moaning to her to speak to fob n sort him out n her saying hes an adult n can do what he wants
so LO will not be going there

he slags his daughters mum off to his 6 year old daughter,i dont want him doing tht to LO,contact centres i know it wont happen and i know where lo will be and who he will be around

he last had lo 29th june
its always been supervised but like 3 hours once and always been at his mums due to his house being a state and drug den

he's been putting pics of him partying in the house and the house a mess and pics of him smokin weed on fb even last weekend he was so got enough stuff to prove why i feel this way,thinkin of goin police about fob due to the large amount of drugs he has in the house

 

[angelpkj]

got a letter thru about mediation
although my solicitor says it won't work due to the drug issues etc
i still thought i'd give it a go to prove i am civil and not the bitter horrible person i have been made out to be

as sooooon as i put the phone done to saying i will give mediation a go to the mediator
FOB had put on facebook how i've finally "seen sense" and have agreed to mediation followed by lots of bitchy comments about me as a person off his "crew"

i can't BELIEVE he is constantly putting a public facebook update for all to see where were at in this mess!!