"The low bar"

[Calambria]

I read something recently that I wanted to share here.

https://daddydoinwork.com/low/

It's a blog about 'the low bar' for fathers. Here's an idea of what the blog entry is like -

Is this where we are as a society? Is the bar for being a “Great Dad” set a notch above “Deadbeat”? If so, that’s damn good news for deadbeats and lazy dads everywhere, because it takes minimal effort to achieve this status. Hell, just take 15 minutes out of your life to walk your kid around the block and have people tell you how great you are. When you get home, turn on your XBox for hours on end while you ignore your family in the process. If your wife is silly enough to give you any lip, just tell her that “Two strangers just told me how great of a dad I am! What’s your problem? Quit nagging me!”

I realized I was very guilty of some of the things in here - Gushing over a dad buying a princess playhouse at the toy store, thinking "Wow...What an awesome dad." No...There's nothing stupendous about that...He's buying his daughter a gift. Moms buy gifts all the time. We don't fawn over them batting our eyelashes. We probably don't even notice.

It was a nice reminder to me to set the bar high. Whether that be with my stbxhusband and our LO, or if I ever get involved down the line and choose to have another child.

 

[daneuse27]

Yeah, its still a huge double standard. Women are expected to be the parents, and its viewed as special and amazing when a dad steps up to be one.

When a woman is seen cuddling a baby in public, nothing is thought of it. When a man is seen doing the same thing, lots of people think "how sweet/cute!"

Its just a reflection of what our expectations are of people according to gender and proof that gender roles and stereotyping still exist.

Same can be said about single parenting. In a high school class, I remember the words "single mom" and "singe dad" being analyzed. Everyone had to write down the words or thoughts that come to their mind when they hear each one. It turned out that of course, single dads are viewed differently than single moms. These are some of the thoughts I remember being associated for each:

Single dads:
-heroic
-responsible
-great with kids
-amazing
-strong
-courageous

Single moms:
-burdened
-poor
-the man probably ditched her
-busy, stressed
-damaged goods
-unhappy

Its amazing how many people, when they hear I'm a single mom, assume that FOB ditched me. Thats not what happened at all - I left HIM. I CHOSE to be a single mom. People always assume it was the other way around. That is also a result of gender stereotyping.

Completely agree with you on setting the bar high. I love the saying 'Any man can be a father, it takes a real man to be a dad." So true!

 

[Dream.dream]

Ugh so bad. I call them trophy dads the ones who want the title and the fun stuff but not the responsibility or hard work . Just the "looky here what I made"

Mine isn't even on the "low bar " anymore .

 

[Jade--x]

I relate way too much with it I know too many guys that are there to show off their kids..Make out they're great Dads because they've bought them an ice cream when they saw them for the whole few hours a week they do, but refuse to pay the Mum anything towards the LOs (my OH works with a guy who PURPOSELY cut his hours to 2 days a week so that his earning were too low for CSA to take money for his kids!) And its all over Facebook how much they love them but never actually proving it to their kids because they don't have all that much to do with them. They just like getting likes on Facebook.

Boils my blood and I've unfriended so many guys I know do it.

Another huge example in my opinion is, a girl I know goes out at least once a week drinking and she has 2 LOs and everyone slagged her off for it (I agree she's wrong but for many other reasons than that that I won't go into ) - Yet I know Dads that go out at least twice a week, don't pay a penny for their kids and buy themself all the latest gadgets/phones etc. And no one bats an eyelid.if they can afford all they do they can afford maintenance and they've chose to spend that money on themselves and alcohol..To me that shows they're true colours that they're a lowsy selfish Dad. But they put a photo on Facebook of the LO with 'love this boy/girl' and suddenly they're Dad of the year. All my money goes on my kids, its very rare I so much as buy myself a top, I don't get people pat me on the back saying well done everytime I buy my son a pair of jeans

 

[Louisandemma]

Men like this make me sick.

My ex won't let me see my four month old daughter, if she would I'd be there 24/7. I can't offer a lot, financially as I'm a student, but I still try. I'd be more than happy to change nappies, to do night feeds. Some of us don't get a chance, those that do shouldn't take it for granted.