The most frustrating cycle EVER!

[Skywalker]

Before I share what's going on, please know I've already met with two lactation nurses, my doula, and had advice from my mother and from friends as well as have done lots of research. I keep getting told to do the same things over and over and I'm about to pull my hair out because those things are not working.

Basically my baby screams like he's going to starve to death, gives hunger cues, and freaks out in general until he's given the breast. He then takes a few lazy gulps and falls asleep. I literally have to shout suddenly to startle him awake. It is the only thing that wakes him, but the same. Exact. FREAKING. Thing happens, where he takes a few lazy gulps and falls asleep. So literally I end up shouting suddenly to wake him about every ten seconds. If I don't, he just lazily sleeps away on the boob. Threatening to take away the boob has the same exact effect as the sudden shout - he wakes up, but takes a few lazy gulps and falls back asleep. So I'm either shouting every ten seconds to startle him awake, or pulling the boob away from him every ten seconds to startle him awake, but the result is always the same - gulp, gulp, snore. If I take him COMPLETELY off he screams bloody murder and gives hunger cues and won't settle down until he's on the boob. I've ruled out diaper and other problems - it's hunger.

HE WILL NOT ACCEPT ANY PACIFIER. He will only accept my nipple or my pinky. No other substitute will do as far as he is concerned.

Rubbing his chin, poking his cheek, wiggling his ear, playing with his feet, getting him partially or fully undressed, NONE of these things work. Poking his cheek USED to work but he got used to it and now literally only exclusively wakes up for the sudden shout.

I feel like a monster constantly shouting to wake my baby but it is literally the only way I can get him to drink an ounce of milk in less than 4 hours. I feel like my only other alternative is just allowing him to be 24/7 attached to my nipples and obviously that's just not an option because of chaffing alone.

All last night, this is how it went:

Baby: "Please feed me! PLEASE! I will STARVE to DEATH in the next FIVE SECONDS unless you feed me! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE OH MY GOD PLEASE I'M STARVING FEED ME NOW NOW NOW! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!"

Me: Here is the boob baby.

Baby: Gulp. Gulp. Snore.

Me: Bah! (sudden shout)

Baby: (Startled awake) Gulp. Gulp. Snore.

Me: Okay baby, I'm taking you off the boob since you're falling asleep.

Baby: "Please feed me! PLEASE! I will STARVE to DEATH in the next FIVE SECONDS unless you feed me! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE OH MY GOD PLEASE I'M STARVING FEED ME NOW NOW NOW! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!"

Lather, rinse, repeat.

I have had two hours sleep and I am just so fed up with this. I feel like a terrible mother for getting so mad at him but I just don't know what to do. I'm trying all I can to offer him what he needs but he just doesn't take it but then freaks out because he doesn't have it.

Please, please don't post suggestions like "Oh just lightly tickle his cheek, he'll wake up!" or anything like that. I'm looking for help from anyone who's had a similar problem and overcame it.

By the way, we had a natural, drug-free child birth. There's no reason for him to be this drowsy at the breast (it's not epidural wearing off, in other words)

Any help? Sorry, just SOOOOOOOOOO frustrated with this and equally frustrated that all the advice and suggestions I'm getting, though well-meaning, are all ineffective things that just don't work for my situation.

 

[Sarah lo]

I don't have an awful lot of advice as I'm quite new to this as well, so perhaps someone more experienced will be able to help more.

But has your LO done this since birth or just started now? if its just started recently it could just be a growth spurt.

If you just left him to sleep on the boob would he continue to lightly suck or does he completely zonk out and stop sucking?

My LO feeds A LOT. He has a couple of naps lasting an hour or two each day, and maybe a couple of times a day I'm able to put him down awake on his play mat for 10-15 minutes before he's asking to be fed again. the rest of the time he's on the boob sucking, snoozing and then waking up and sucking a bit more. Sometimes he's on the boob for a couple of hours or more at a time. As newborns they do feed excessively while they work on building our supply. So as long as he is still sucking while asleep, gaining weight and having lots of wet and dirty nappies, it's normal. Its just a case of managing it. You could put him in a carrier that you can feed him in and have your hands free. At night maye let him sleep in your bed so you can get some sleep while he nurses etc.

Of course, if he is zonking out on the boob and not gaining weight, that's different and I don't know what advice to offer for that.

supposedly by 6 weeks they start to slow down and space out their feedings so it's really just a case of going with it and doing whatever you can to make your life easier while he establishes your supply.

I love this website: https://kellymom.com/bf/normal/frequent-nursing/ there's loads of really helpful articles that I like to read whenever it gets tough, I find it really reassuring and it takes away the temptation to go out and buy formula the page about growth spurts is very interesting too.

I hope this helps, like I said I'm not very experienced yet. My daughter did exactly the same thing and I switched to formula because I just didn't know it was normal behaviour.

 

[Sarah lo]

Oh also, has your LO been checked for tongue tie? My LO has a posterior tongue tie and high arched posterior palate which also can be to blame for frequent nursing and falling asleep on the boob. It could be worth looking into that as well if you haven't already.

 

[Skywalker]

I don't have an awful lot of advice as I'm quite new to this as well, so perhaps someone more experienced will be able to help more.

But has your LO done this since birth or just started now? if its just started recently it could just be a growth spurt.

If you just left him to sleep on the boob would he continue to lightly suck or does he completely zonk out and stop sucking?

My LO feeds A LOT. He has a couple of naps lasting an hour or two each day, and maybe a couple of times a day I'm able to put him down awake on his play mat for 10-15 minutes before he's asking to be fed again. the rest of the time he's on the boob sucking, snoozing and then waking up and sucking a bit more. Sometimes he's on the boob for a couple of hours or more at a time. As newborns they do feed excessively while they work on building our supply. So as long as he is still sucking while asleep, gaining weight and having lots of wet and dirty nappies, it's normal. Its just a case of managing it. You could put him in a carrier that you can feed him in and have your hands free. At night maye let him sleep in your bed so you can get some sleep while he nurses etc.

Of course, if he is zonking out on the boob and not gaining weight, that's different and I don't know what advice to offer for that.

supposedly by 6 weeks they start to slow down and space out their feedings so it's really just a case of going with it and doing whatever you can to make your life easier while he establishes your supply.

I love this website: https://kellymom.com/bf/normal/frequent-nursing/ there's loads of really helpful articles that I like to read whenever it gets tough, I find it really reassuring and it takes away the temptation to go out and buy formula the page about growth spurts is very interesting too.

I hope this helps, like I said I'm not very experienced yet. My daughter did exactly the same thing and I switched to formula because I just didn't know it was normal behaviour.

Thank you so much for this! As of his appointment last week, his weight gain has been good, and he has another appt tomorrow so we can see about weight gain then. (This will be short as he has finallyy fallen asleep on me) He does have a posterior tongue tie that the pediatrician seemed to dismiss as not important but my doula's daughter had the same issue and once it was snipped breastfeeding became much easier, so I want to push to have it snipped. We have to use a breast shield every time and it's stressful. I feel like such an a$$hole for shouting and waking him up now after reading the articles on the link that you shared But glad to have read that, so glad! He sometimes zonks completely out and stops any meaningful sucking, sometimes (more rarely) he will continue sucking. Right now, after a short nap, we had a good feed and he fell asleep on my lap. The more he sleeps, the more efficient he is at breastfeeding, but when he gets overtired and fights sleep, we get in that evil, evil cycle mentioned above where he wants the comfort of the boob but doesn't actually drink, then that dominos into a baby that's now hungry AND overtired and it's a hard cycle to break. I broke it today by putting him in his car seat (he loves his car seat for some reason) on the floor and letting him cry for about ten minutes until he self-soothed and fell asleep for about a half hour, then after his nap he was able to really, actually feed, and that then made him better able to take another nap (which he's doing now). He does have PLENTY of dirty and wet diapers, to the point I was worried how quickly we're going through diapers and wipes, but I'm glad that that seems to indicate according to this article that he's doing well. He's also definitely gaining weight because two days ago he fit into his newborn diapers and almost overnight he no longer fits into them and is now in a size 1 diaper! I'm so glad to know this frequent nursing is normal, and also so glad to be going to a pediatrician appointment tomorrow to verify weight and see if we can handle the tongue tie (whether or not they think the tie is pronounced enough to make a significant difference in our breastfeeding, I think it does, since we already have two other challenges that his mouth is TINY and my nipples are GIANT and FLAT, bad, bad combination, add posterior tongue tie on top of that and however "insignificant" it is, it's another factor that's probably affecting our breastfeeding.)

Thanks again so much... it's at least good to know that it could be a growth spurt and is normal (given gaining weight and dirty/wet diapers). It doesn't necessarily make it go away to know that but makes it far easier to understand and not get so worked up over to know it's normal, so thank you thank you thank you!

 

[Sarah lo]

No problem. I wish someone would've told me that when my daughter was a baby! It's hard work when they're feeding around the clock but I think it makes a huge difference just knowing its normal behaviour.

That's great that he's gaining weight and having plenty wet and dirty nappies.

I would definitely look into getting the tongue tie snipped if you can. The breastfeeding advisor I spoke to about my LO said they aren't keen on snipping posterior tongue tie as medically there's no evidence that it improves feeding but anecdotally she reckoned that a good 80% of mums she'd come across said it made a positive difference.

Ugh, I know all too well about the over tiredness. The only thing that helps my LO when he gets like that is to latch him onto the boob, stand up and gently rock from side to side.

 

[staralfur]

If he's gaining weight and having plenty of wet/dirty diapers then I wouldn't be shouting at him to wake him up. I know it's incredibly inconvenient to have a baby attached to your boob all day, but he's two weeks old - it's completely normal. It will get better.

 

[hans2009]

My son did this-not to this extreme but his pediatrician had me nurse him on each side-switching to wake him up then bottle feed expressed milk as much as he would eat. My son wouldn't fall asleep as easily with the bottle.

I went to a breastfeeding support group every Tuesday and there was another girl who's daughter would do the same thing-to your extreme. She did the same thing as I did and it worked for her as well. We had the same pediatrician-he said our babies are just so comfortable with us they fall asleep (makes us moms feel good!). They would eat just enough to get by but not enough to fulfill their needs. My son was losing weight, her daughter just wasn't gaining enough.

They called it the "feed feed pump" method. Nurse, bottle feed expressed milk, then pump for the next feeding.

Good luck and watch that weight gain closely!

 

[luna_19]

Can you find somewhere safe to lay down so you can sleep while he does this?

 

[paintrider89]

My son did this-not to this extreme but his pediatrician had me nurse him on each side-switching to wake him up then bottle feed expressed milk as much as he would eat. My son wouldn't fall asleep as easily with the bottle.

I went to a breastfeeding support group every Tuesday and there was another girl who's daughter would do the same thing-to your extreme. She did the same thing as I did and it worked for her as well. We had the same pediatrician-he said our babies are just so comfortable with us they fall asleep (makes us moms feel good!). They would eat just enough to get by but not enough to fulfill their needs. My son was losing weight, her daughter just wasn't gaining enough.

They called it the "feed feed pump" method. Nurse, bottle feed expressed milk, then pump for the next feeding.

Good luck and watch that weight gain closely!

This exactly! I will nurse LO and let her fall asleep and pump the opposite side (football hold) once I have enough pumped I wake her (generally by changing her diaper or clothes) then offer her the bottle. Once she's gulped that down she sleeps great with ab nice full belly, and I can finish emptying either side with the pump and store the milk.

Good luck

 

[susywoosy]

I thought u may find this useful. I was ready to give up and move on to formula today as i was so tired (exhausted doesn't even come close to describing how i feel) and i ache from head to toe bcos i am so drained but then i came across this and it reminded me of all the great things i am giving my boy by breast feeding. Interesting as it explains whats happening with your baby as well as detailing what protection we r giving them too. I am going to read this every time i feel lime giving up. I hope u find it helpful too xx


https://www.thealphaparent.com/2011/12/timeline-of-breastfed-baby.html?m=1