A
Aria
Guest
When I was 18 I had an unplanned pregnancy despite being on the pill, condom, diaphragm, and spermicide. The plan was to adopt, and I miscarried. When I was 19 I was in an accident that rendered me infertile.
We've had to use IVF to conceive, and we had twins in the oven, and then lost them. The loss was confirmed three days before Christmas. Before I even told Cody we lost our babies, I told one of my closest friends via IM. Only ten minutes or so after hearing from the doc that my HCG was down to less than one. We only chatted for a few minutes. I needed to call Cody.
On Christmas in my LiveJournal, I posted this:
Very mild for the grief I felt, as you can all unfortunately understand.
Well, this "friend" began e-mailing my best friend and sending her text message insisting my best friend stop what she was doing right that moment, on Christmas day with her husband home on leave before being shipped to Iraq, and when my best fried finally checked e-mail, she was angered by the e-mail.
My "friend" told her she was tired of me "always being negative about miscarrying" and that I needed to "just get over it already."
Okay. Three days after we found out for sure our babies are dead. Be over it already?!
Worse.
A few days later she and I are talking and I was trying not to cry and she thought I should be thrilled because she thought her flavor-of-the-month might love her (she gets into friends-with-benefits relationships, falls in love, makes a huge drama when she's not loved in return, even when they tell her it's just benefits, cries profusely for a week claiming she'll never be loved or have sex again and then, when I say week, I mean it, within a week she's with someone else, process repeats). I couldn't be happy, truly didn't even care.
Hell breaks loose here and she ends up dragging a bunch of people into it.
She said she knows what it's like to miscarry (she had an unintended and unwanted pregnancy she lost, in no way comparable to a planned pregnancy that a couple works so hard at - I know I also lost an unplanned baby that I was going to adopt out), so I shouldn't think my loss was special, I need to stop being negative all the time, it happened, it's in the past, get over it, and then she yelled at me, "AND HOW DARE YOU NOT ASK ABOUT TIM!" Uh, what? Turns out she was angry that in the conversation when I told her we lost the babies and I had just heard from the doctor she was pissed off that I didn't decide to ask how her latest f-buddy was doing because she wanted to tell me about his day. Like I was supposed to care at that very moment? She thought it was heartless and selfish of me to actually ASK about her f-buddy.
Wow.
She made this big enough of an issue that there was no way you could be my friend and not hear about it, no matter what state, or even COUNTRY you were in. She was contacting my friends directly (through LiveJournal and looking up e-mail addresses from e-mail forwards, I think).
On the other hand, I found out some friends who I thought of as casual friends were actually much better friends than I gave them credit for.
So in a week and a half I lost my twins and one of the few friends I wanted present when I finally do deliver. I was made to feel selfish for thinking about myself, despite such a horrible loss. A mutual friend has compared her behavior to that of a very immature teenage girl, yet she's older than me (28). Last think I needed was to have to deal with a stupid girl having a temper tantrum because her f-buddy wasn't the center of MY world especially after losing two babies.
We've had to use IVF to conceive, and we had twins in the oven, and then lost them. The loss was confirmed three days before Christmas. Before I even told Cody we lost our babies, I told one of my closest friends via IM. Only ten minutes or so after hearing from the doc that my HCG was down to less than one. We only chatted for a few minutes. I needed to call Cody.
On Christmas in my LiveJournal, I posted this:
Very mild for the grief I felt, as you can all unfortunately understand.
Well, this "friend" began e-mailing my best friend and sending her text message insisting my best friend stop what she was doing right that moment, on Christmas day with her husband home on leave before being shipped to Iraq, and when my best fried finally checked e-mail, she was angered by the e-mail.
My "friend" told her she was tired of me "always being negative about miscarrying" and that I needed to "just get over it already."
Okay. Three days after we found out for sure our babies are dead. Be over it already?!
Worse.
A few days later she and I are talking and I was trying not to cry and she thought I should be thrilled because she thought her flavor-of-the-month might love her (she gets into friends-with-benefits relationships, falls in love, makes a huge drama when she's not loved in return, even when they tell her it's just benefits, cries profusely for a week claiming she'll never be loved or have sex again and then, when I say week, I mean it, within a week she's with someone else, process repeats). I couldn't be happy, truly didn't even care.
Hell breaks loose here and she ends up dragging a bunch of people into it.
She said she knows what it's like to miscarry (she had an unintended and unwanted pregnancy she lost, in no way comparable to a planned pregnancy that a couple works so hard at - I know I also lost an unplanned baby that I was going to adopt out), so I shouldn't think my loss was special, I need to stop being negative all the time, it happened, it's in the past, get over it, and then she yelled at me, "AND HOW DARE YOU NOT ASK ABOUT TIM!" Uh, what? Turns out she was angry that in the conversation when I told her we lost the babies and I had just heard from the doctor she was pissed off that I didn't decide to ask how her latest f-buddy was doing because she wanted to tell me about his day. Like I was supposed to care at that very moment? She thought it was heartless and selfish of me to actually ASK about her f-buddy.
Wow.
She made this big enough of an issue that there was no way you could be my friend and not hear about it, no matter what state, or even COUNTRY you were in. She was contacting my friends directly (through LiveJournal and looking up e-mail addresses from e-mail forwards, I think).
On the other hand, I found out some friends who I thought of as casual friends were actually much better friends than I gave them credit for.
So in a week and a half I lost my twins and one of the few friends I wanted present when I finally do deliver. I was made to feel selfish for thinking about myself, despite such a horrible loss. A mutual friend has compared her behavior to that of a very immature teenage girl, yet she's older than me (28). Last think I needed was to have to deal with a stupid girl having a temper tantrum because her f-buddy wasn't the center of MY world especially after losing two babies.
thinking of you x x
